Serenity's blog

The first step to making anybody else admire you is to love and value yourself. It’s as simple as that. But still, we look for recognition at all wrong places, changing ourselves beyond recognition; even torturing ourselves just to get the approval of other people. But it’s like a vicious circle. We don’t get anywhere. We get trapped in multiple images we have created of ourselves for the world to see. But none of these images match the real us. We have forgotten to love own self in the process.

It’s important for a trans man to break through those barriers of negativity that he has built all around himself. He has to stop seeing himself from the lens of so-called society. A transgender guy has to embark on a very personal inner journey, one that makes him connect with himself, one that makes him see his self in all its glories and follies and then loves it to the core.

Everybody gets enamored by narcissistic people. Why is that so? It is because we see in them a part of ourselves that we are almost scared to embrace. A bit of narcissism is good for all of us. As a trans guy, it also makes life somewhat less challenging for you. You deal with the practical problems of your life in a matter-of-fact way but you don’t let those build a wall of negativity around you. In other words, you stop seeing yourself in the light of others.

When you came out as a trans guy, not everyone supported you in that decision.  Maybe, even your family abandoned you. These are some harsh realities of life you have to learn to live with. And you don’t have the courage to accept these realities until you learn to be compassionate with yourself. When your world is centered around your own being, your heart also expands. You forgive others willingly and just concentrate on the pursuit of your goals, ambitions, and happiness.

This article tells you about some ways in which you can love yourself.

Pamper Yourself

The first step to loving yourself is taking pride in your physical appearance and being. Pamper yourself. Take time out to relax. Go for solo holidays. Shop generously whenever you get time. If you have a particular hobby, make some time for it. Treat yourself like a prince. Exercise regularly and eat super healthy. It is a psychological fact that when we look in the mirror and see good results in terms of fitness, skin glow, etc, our entire being radiates with positivity and happiness. And we spread this aura all around.

Make a list of your best qualities

Now, you don’t have to literally make a list. But just think of your best qualities and tell yourself about them. Everyone has certain attributes. Some people are very kind and compassionate. Others have a great sense of humor. Some have a lot of patience. Others have the ability to think spontaneously in any given situation and make quick decisions. What are your special qualities? Think about these and then remind yourself every day about your best attributes.

This might sound very strange but it will fill your life with motivation and confidence. As a trans man, you spend too much time thinking about your identity and how the world doesn’t accept it and all that. In the process, you fail to appreciate yourself as an individual. Reminding oneself of their best qualities every day helps break the cycle of negativity. You will learn to see yourself in a new light. As a trans guy, your attention will be diverted away from the problems of your life to the unique aura and power of your own personality.

Never Hold a Grudge Against Yourself

We all have a tendency to blame ourselves for something or the other. If some decision in the past went wrong, we remember it all the time and spend our present in regret. As a trans man, you have to break free of these shackles of negativity. You are only human at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect. Even heads of state make the biggest of blunders. The only way to fix a past mistake is to learn a lesson and move on. Holding a grudge against yourself is just going to get you miserable.

Look at Everything in a Positive Light

Now, this one is tricky. How do you look at horrible and negative experiences in a positive light? It’s not easy but very much possible. Suppose you dated someone through a transgender dating site. You guys met and everything and when you thought it was going really well, the whole thing just collapsed. This has made you so sensitive and edgy that you are off the idea of dating. But if you choose to look at that experience positively, your whole life will change. You got saved the burden of a terrible relationship. Think of it that way. Had you been with that person for long, maybe it could have been worse. So you just saved yourself and your energy.

Life is like a roller coaster ride. But even from the worst of experiences, we learn something valuable. And these bad experiences make all the good things that follow totally worthwhile. Once you learn to see everything in a positive light, you would stop being bitter and harsh on yourself.

Never Let a Relationship Decide Your Self-Worth

This is very common with people in love. Their mood and emotions get totally dependent on the relationship. Not just that, their self–worth too is determined by their partner’s perception of them. If your partner is positive and encouraging, you are lucky. But if you get to be with someone who constantly finds faults in you and makes you conscious about everything, it’s not good. Such a person will pretend to love you, maybe they do love you in their own way but this kind of love will be toxic for your identity as an individual. To learn where to draw the line. A relationship should never determine your self-worth and self-esteem.

If you are with someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, they cannot be the right person for you. So have the courage to make yourself a priority and just walk out. Love and dating are all worth it but not at the expense of your own self. Chat with like-minded people through a trans dating site. Get to know them. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of dating and relationships. It is definitely a very important part of your life. But don’t let your whole life revolve around it. And don’t let it affect your self-worth.

If a girl you thought very hot and good-looking turned you down, it’s not the end of the world. Just get over it. She probably didn’t deserve you. If you keep on obsessing with the hotness of women and think of yourself as inferior all the time, it will affect your self-image badly. But if you just think of yourself as awesome, then you’ll just forget about that girl and laugh it off. As a trans man, make yourself the center of your universe.

Build a Strong Connection With Your Inner Self

It is important to recognize your inner self and have a dialogue with it on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean a literal dialogue but you got to forge a connection with your inner self. Take some time out of your busy schedule during which you do absolutely nothing. When we are constantly doing something or the other, our head is constantly buzzing with ideas. This state of frenzied activity leaves us excited and overwhelmed. In order to recognize one’s inner self, it’s important to cease all this activity for a while and revel in nothingness. This is the time set for you to draw deeper into the recesses of your inner self. You will draw deeper into your intuitive energies and understand yourself better.

It is not a conscious activity you can undertake. This happens subconsciously if you just let yourself be. Set a time every day during which you distance yourself from all the drama and just be still. In the stillness of these moments, you will discover your inner self. Meditation is also a great way to stay connected with your inner self.

Once you make a strong connection with the inner being, the external disturbances and perception of people around you will cease to matter. As a trans man, your being will radiate with positive energy. Every day will be full of opportunities and beautiful things to come. Negativity will be offshore. It would be a blissful state of being.

If they are socially open about being transgender, they have to limit themselves to places that are not transphobic. And it might be a challenge to find such places in small towns and cities. So trans people are always taking chances. Even at the cost of their safety and security, they sometimes take chances because the urge to feel loved is the same everywhere.

All this makes trans people trying to find love very vulnerable. They are vulnerable to all kinds of abuse and violence. There are probably so many transphobic people lurking out there who harbor not just apathy but plain hatred for trans people. And if a trans person is trying to look for love offline outside the circle of their friends or acquaintances, then they are easily prone to becoming victims of such people.

This article tells you about various ways in which trans people can find love and also overcome the challenges that come with the whole process.

Try to Find Love Online

It’s true that online dating might not work for everyone in the long term. But it’s a good place to start. At least, it’s safe and secure. Once you join a transgender dating site, you can at least chat with as many people you like without having to worry about hatred or abuse. The best part is you don’t have to meet anyone until and unless you want. And if you are just good with talking to people online, so be it. There is no pressure to meet anyone in online transsexual dating.

With conventional offline dating, your options are limited. But with online dating, you can meet a variety of interesting people. This increases the probability of you meeting the right person. The best thing about dating through a site specifically meant for transgender people is that you don’t have to worry so much about the chance of other people not knowing your identity. However, it’s best to be cautious and upfront. Reveal your identity to the person the moment you start communicating with them. You don’t want to waste your time talking to someone over a period of time who would run away the moment they hear you are trans.

Find Love through Friends

This has its pros and cons. The advantages are that you can be surer about the kind of person you would be dating. There would be fewer chances of them being a fraud or transphobic. The disadvantage obviously is that you have fairly limited options to choose from.

But as a transgender person, safety is one of your most important concerns. So from that point of view, dating someone through friends is quite safe. Your best bet would be to go out with someone who is directly known to your friends. That way you can be sure that they cannot harass you or get you into some kind of trouble. Another way to find a date is to obviously go to social gatherings of friends and friends of friends. Now here, you have to use your own judgment. One meets all kinds of people at social gatherings and not all of them will be personally known to your friends. So be a bit cautious and alert.

Ultimately, it’s all about your gut instinct. It’s rather unfortunate that as a trans person, you just have to worry about your safety all the time. Even when you are dating someone, the thing that preoccupies the most is if they will harm you or not. That reflects the sad state of affairs for trans people across the world. But things are changing, albeit slowly.

Stay Away from People who treat You Like Fetish

With trans people, unfortunately, there is a whole army of guys out there who would treat them like a fetish. It is easy to fall into the trap of such people because many a time, they might be the only ones wanting to date a trans person. And they’ll be so forthcoming and all that. You might just end up believing that they’ve fallen in love with you for good. But don’t fall into that trap. These guys are what we ‘chasers’. They are chasing you only because they want to get laid with someone who is a transgender. It sounds blunt but that’s the truth.

If you are just looking for some fun, it might not be that bad an idea. But if you are looking for dating someone, they’ll just end up hurting you. For a chaser, you are only an exotic fetish. They just want to check you out how you look when you guys get physical and then they are probably going to brag about it in front of their friends that I had a great night with a trans woman.

If you are a little bit alert, it’s pretty easy to spot the ‘trans fetish’ guy. He would seem to be so much into you that it would come across as too good to be true. And it will be that only if you take our word.

Always Listen to Your Gut Feeling

Our gut feeling is the voice of intuition. It might seem a bit illogical and superstitious at first but a gut feeling rarely goes wrong. You met someone through a transsexual dating app, it’s all going well and you are planning on meeting them for the first time. If there is a voice in the back of your head that says ‘no, don’t’, then you should listen to that voice.

It’s possible that you are over-thinking but even then, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Never try to negate your own intuition. Intuition will obviously not tell you the reasons behind something right away. But it will definitely give you a hint if the direction in which you are going is not quite right. And you’ll eventually figure out the reasons as well.

Be Safe

Safety is the most important thing. There are many psychos lurking out there whose only intention in life is to probably harm a transgender person. So take all the necessary precautions. If you go out on a date with someone, keep someone close to you informed. Text them the venue address. If possible, ask them to hang out somewhere close to the venue so that they are nearby if you need help.

Never meet anyone at their place for a date, no matter how much they sweet talk you into doing that. If they invite you for some house party or want to meet in some private place, just decline politely but firmly. When you date someone, make it a point to meet them only in public. Only when you are really sure this is getting somewhere for good, should you take it to the next level.

Try to do some investigation from your own end about the kind of person you are dating. One obvious way of doing this is to look for their profile on social media. Check out the information provided by them to see if there is any discrepancy between what they told you and what is out there. If you cannot find them on social media at all, that too is a red flag. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dodgy but still, you should be on your guard.

Love is the most beautiful feeling of life. True love elevates us to another level. And you don’t deserve to go through hatred and abuse in the process of finding love. So just go slow and gentle and trust your instinct.

Never Lose Hope

As a transgender person trying to find love, it is quite possible that you feel dejected at times and begin to lose hope. But if you stay strong and resilient, you will definitely overcome it. If you have dated a couple of times and it still hasn’t worked out, just take a break and relax. Life is not always about dating. Just go with the flow and meet people. Sometimes, we meet that special person of our life in places and situations we are least expecting to. Dating is not the only way to meet the love of your life. Sometimes, when you just let go of certain things and live life, wonderful things happen.

Concentrate on yourself, your hobbies, and your interests. Redefine your life if you think you’ve gotten stuck into the same old, boring routine for long. Sometimes, things don’t work out because we get trapped in monotony. We don’t realize it at that time. But this monotony goes on circulating sameness and prevents new and exciting things from happening. Break the pattern.

Face Feminization Surgery or FFS for short, is a facial reconstruction procedure used to give a masculine face a more feminine appearance. It encompasses a broad range of systems designed to alter typical male features bringing them closer to a characteristic female feature. Some of the masculine features developed include various bony and soft tissues such as brows, nose, lips, forehead, cheek, and jawline.

Features in the upper third of the face seem to be the most important, and various procedures such as brow lift, rhinoplasty, and cheek implantation are included in face feminization surgery. However, subtle changes in the lips, such as lip augmentation can have a significant effect.

What to Expect in Face Feminization Surgery>>

Facial feminization surgery might include;

    1. Forehead contouring: Bony ridge above women’s eyes socket is less pronounced. The outlines of the forehead tend to be higher, smoother, and more vertical. Part of forehead bone can be cut, removed, reshaped, and fixed back in place to achieve this look.

    2. Eye and lid modification: Here, excess tissues are cut away from the upper eyelids.

    3. Cheek Augmentation: This procedure is done to achieve the prominent round cheeks women have in the middle third of their face. Cheek augmentation can be performed by breaking and moving the cheekbones into a different position. A different way is by taking fat from a separate part of the body and placing it in the cheeks to alter its size and shape.

    4. Nose Reshaping: This procedure involves reducing the size of the nose and its angles for transgender women.

    5. Lip lift and Augmentation: This procedure involves the use of implants to achieve a typical shorter and more curled female lip.

Some other procedures to expect are; Mandibular angle reduction, Genioplasty, Tracheal shave, Lowering the hairline, and Hair transplantation.

Definitive results after this surgery might take up to a year to appear. Face Feminization Surgery can be an essential part of gender transition that can dramatically improve the quality of life in mtfs.

Long hair is one trait generally associated with women and girls. So, if you want to look less feminine you should consider getting a haircut. The right haircut will highlight your face’s bone structure and make you look manlier. For the best haircuts, consult a barber or a hairdresser. These persons are trained in cutting hair and getting a botched haircut from yourself or a friend will make you look untidy or poorly groomed.

Breasts are another trait associated with women and girls. If you want to look less feminine, they will have to go. But remember this is about looking less feminine without getting gender reassignment surgery. One way to reduce the appearance of your breasts is by binding them. There are many methods and tips available online for binding your chest but be careful not to choose any that may be harmful or may cause discomfort.

The right wardrobe can without a doubt make you look less feminine. Please note that this does not mean baggy pants, beanies, and oversized shirts. This simply means choosing the right kinds of clothes. Certain patterns on shirts can accentuate the bulge your breasts make, such as stripes, and should be avoided. Pleated pants and skinny jeans hug your curves and make you look feminine. Avoid those and opt for straight cut pants that will hide your bum and your curves. Trade in those flats and heels for sneakers, boots and male shoes. Accessories such as belts and watches can also make you look more masculine.

To be taken seriously as a man, you must have a bulge. This is the outline of your penis in jeans or shorts. Because you are not getting the surgery, you will have to improvise. Luckily, there are many underpants that come with built-in bulges and are designed specifically for FTM Transgender Men. You don't have to pack every day, but it certainly makes you look much more believable. You will have to decide if you want to hard pack or soft pack but this all depends on your environment. If you have a hard pack everywhere you will look like a pervert. So please bear in mind your surroundings and the  people that will be around you.  

For trans women, looking masculine can really take a toll on mental health and overall happiness. The persons around you may knowingly or unknowingly refer to you as "he" or "him" simply because of the way you look. But a beard, large arms or flat chest doesn't make you any less of a woman than a girl with big boobs and broad hips. For personal reasons, you may opt to not get gender reassignment surgery and that is completely fine. It is your life and you should live it the best way you see fit. Here are a few ways to make yourself look less masculine without getting “the surgery”

Eventually, your next step for legal transition will be to change your gender marker. Now, this part is significantly more difficult and varies wildly from state to state. Some states are relatively simple, while others are a right pain in the butt. For example, I am very privileged to have done all this in Minnesota, which has one of the more trans-friendly laws regarding gender change. For me, I had to consult with a physician about my gender identity and present a document from her verifying that she believes my gender identity to be valid (though ironically, the Judge presiding over my case didn't even ask for it! Don't gamble on that though ), alongside dotting my I's and crossing my t's of course. I got it changed on my social security card, my birth certificate, and my photo ID.

Unfortunately, not every gender change is going to be that simple. A lot of states require that you undergo gender reassignment surgery before you are allowed to change your name, which is both cost-prohibitive for many, but also not something that every trans person wishes to undergo. Some states will also require that your gender change is noted on your birth certificate (mine did not, thankfully). Of course, knowing how the United States can often treat trans people, it should not be surprising at all to find out that a few states are not interested in trans rights beyond seeing the advance of these rights as a threat.

In Kansas, Ohio, and Tennessee, a person cannot change the gender on their birth certificate to match their gender. In all three, however, a person may still change the gender on their driver's license just by having a notice from their physician verifying their gender identity. Kansas has laws that prevent changes to a birth certificate other than minor changes, and Tennessee is the only state to specifically bar trans people from changing their gender marker.

It's not all bad though, because at least driver's license gender change laws are significantly less stringent. Unfortunately, you will still have to deal with some rigmarole depending on your state. Luckily, states generally do not require SRS in order to get the gender marker changed on your driver's license, meaning that you will still be able to present as your gender in public if you can't change it on your birth certificate. The conflict with states not allowing birth certificate changes can present complications, however; for instance, if you were born in Ohio and moved to Kentucky, Kentucky law requires that your driver's license's marker match your birth certificate's.

While we are admittedly in a bit of a sour spot in history for trans people with the election of Donald Trump to the presidency and setbacks on trans rights, trans people have seen many legal victories in recent years. For example, before April of this year, Idaho was alongside Kansas, Ohio, and Tennessee in denying trans people the right to change their gender marker on their birth certificate. However, a subsequent lawsuit and decision by an Idaho District Court Judge resulted in Idaho law being changed to the effect that trans people's request to change their gender marker is not automatically denied anymore. Not only that, but SRS is not required, and neither is a notation of the gender having been changed. There are lawsuits against other such laws, including Ohio, so we may well see laws relaxed.

Because of the complexity of laws regarding changing your gender, such an article cannot and should not be used as your sole source of information. In order to get a proper understanding of your state's laws, check out here... Changing Birth Certificate Gender Designations: State-By-State Guidelines.

In a quest to live happier lives, and make their bodies more congruent with their gender identity; some transgender people undergo specific medical treatments. There is an overwhelming consensus in the medical community that transition-related care is medically necessary for any Trans individual. While this care is considered life-saving and even critical for many trans people, not everyone needs medical care to live their desired life. There are various medical treatments do trans people available based on individual needs, and in this blog post, we will be exploring hormone therapy.

Hormone Therapy

Masculinizing Treatments

In general, surgery is required to obtain satisfactory physical characteristics in most trans people. Upon cessation of hormonal treatment, those traits reverse unless chemical or surgical castration has occurred. However, in trans men, some hormonally-induced changes may become virtually irreversible within weeks. Trans women, on the other hand, usually have to take hormones for many months before they can see any irreversible change.

Conclusion

Dating a trans woman is not easy but it is one of the most exciting things you can do. Transgender dating became a lot more popular in the past years and you should definitely jump in this boat if you want to learn more about the rules of dating a trans woman and develop yourself. If you have an account on a trans dating website, such as the MTF dating site, you will have to get the courage to actually get together with your match.

Dating a trans woman will bring you new romantic experiences that you will never forget. It will help you rediscover new levels of passion and gain more confidence in yourself. Ultimately, such a relationship will bring you happiness and stability so you should give it a fair try. Jumping in the field of trans dating means that you are opened to learn new things about love and women. So that will enrich your experience but also your capacity of understanding your partner much better.

Rules of Dating a Trans Woman

Dating a transgender woman is one of the most intense experiences you can have in your love life. Trans people are very much in touch with their desirability and they are well aware of their worth. You will have to follow certain ethical rules when you are thinking to date and start a love relationship with such a complex woman. Here are some tips that will help you be successful in your relationship!

Being interested in a genuine way in your trans lady is always the key to your successful relationship. Try to discover them every time you talk or interact and appreciate who they really are.

Be Confident

You have to trust yourself that you are good enough in order to help your lover trust you. Know your qualities and don’t be shy in expressing them.

Remain Honest Under All Circumstances

You should always stay honest when you talk to a transgender woman. On the MTF dating site, honesty is one of the most important aspects. It is also what brings and keeps couples together.

These top rules of dating a trans woman will help you not only meet the right trans woman but also keep her in your life. And finally, dating a transgender woman will make you more aware of what you have to offer to your lover and what you expect from them. Go beyond your limits and find your lover today!