Serenity's blog

As a trans guy, you might feel that grooming is an overrated concept. In fact, it’s easy to be besotted and charmed by the idea of the rugged, hyper-masculine, beast-like male! While it’s all good to be rugged and masculine, personal grooming is a must. You don’t want to look like you just came out of a forest where you were living like for the past 100 years.

Though of course, in male grooming, minimalism is the key. But basic grooming is essential. When you come out in the open and start meeting people, it’s important to be presentable and well turned out. When you start dating someone, they are going to obviously judge you by your physical appearance. No matter how good-looking you are, if you have mouth odour or your socks are stinking, your date is certainly not going to be impressed.

Below are listed some personal grooming tips which every transgender man ought to follow.

Shower Every Day

To some people, this might seem like the most obvious thing to do. But there are others who have a habit of skipping shower every now and then. Especially if one lives in cold climatic conditions, they think they can get away with it. As a trans man, it is absolutely important to clean yourself every day. This is the basic etiquette of personal hygiene. An early morning shower is even better. It makes you look forward to the entire day. You feel fresh and rejuvenated and ready to face the world.

Then, showering regularly cleans all the dirt and impurities and also improves your skin. A lot of skin problems are simply an offshoot of bad personal hygiene. If you wash yourself thoroughly and regularly, the skin too is going to behave well.

And remember showering is not just about literally standing under a shower for 2 minutes and then running off! You need to invest time in cleaning your body and face properly. Always clean your feet using a pumice stone. Use a loofah for cleaning the body and pay special attention to private parts. One often neglects these while showering and this could lead to unwanted infections.

Choose a good quality body wash or a soap to motivate yourself to shower every day! There is such an awesome line up of personal grooming products both online and offline. You could even go for organic handmade soaps. These would ensure that you smell delicious after the shower.

Regular Shaving and Trimming is a Must

A clean-shaven look works very well for a trans man. But if you are after the rugged masculine bearded look, that’s cool too. But even then, make it a point to trim your beard and mustache regularly.

Pay extra attention to the hair inside your nostrils. It’s a common tendency to overlook this area. But when you are talking to someone face to face, it’s easy for them to spot that kind of thing. So if you want to save yourself from a potentially embarrassing situation, keep a tab on the hair overgrowth inside your nostrils. Trim these regularly.

Make it a point to trim your nails regularly. This includes nails of both hands and feet. Long nails would just attract dirt, gives your hands and feet an unsavory appearance unless of course, you apply nail polish and maintain them really well. But it’s best to just trim your nails and go for a basic, clean look.

You also got to pay attention to the eyebrows. Eyebrows define the entire face and give it a certain look. While as a guy, you certainly don’t need to get your eyebrows shaped at a parlour, it’s still a good idea to trim them regularly at home using tweezers if you have too much of growth. Also, white hairs peeping out of your otherwise perfect and luscious dark eyebrows can be a very embarrassing sight. So trim those regularly.

Good Dental Hygiene is a Must

You met a gorgeous woman through a transsexual dating app and the two of you are out on your first date. Things are going really good and there comes a moment when the two of you might just get to a sweet kiss. But then all of a sudden, she gives you an awkward expression and distances herself a bit. You wonder what happened? Well, in all probability, it could be your bad breath.

Bad breath is an embarrassment that many guys deal with. And it all boils down to dental hygiene. Make it a point to brush your teeth at least twice a day, once in the morning and another time before you go to bed. Tongue scraping is also very important. Before brushing the teeth, make it a point to use a tongue scraper to clean the tongue thoroughly. Bad breath occurs mostly because of the particles stuck on the surface of the tongue. Only brushing your teeth won’t solve the problem. Regular tongue cleaning is essential.

Flossing at least once a day is a very good practice. Any good quality mouthwash would suffice. Yet another trick for maintaining excellent dental hygiene is a practice called oil pulling. The practice basically involves taking a spoonful of edible oil like coconut or olive oil and then swish it around in your mouth for 10-15 minutes. When you begin to feel tired, just spit it out. This is an excellent practice that not only keeps bad breath at bay but also whitens teeth.

Pay Special Attention to Your Clothing

Clothing is the most important part of your physical appearance. Always dress in clothes that suit your body type and personality. A good rule of thumb is to go for clothes that fit just right – neither too tight nor too baggy. Also, dress according to the occasion. When you are going for an interview, avoid wearing flamboyant or colourful clothes. Stick to a proper suit or a pair of trousers in sober colours coupled with a collared shirt. Make sure you iron your clothes well! For casual wear, you can still get away but formal clothes look well shabby if not ironed.

Keep a tab on what other trans men are wearing. Check out a transgender blog and get to know about the latest trends in trans male fashion. Make it a habit to regularly subscribe to fashion magazines and keep a track of all the latest trends in male clothing. It’s about mix and match. Learn all about the latest fashion, observe all trends and then create your unique personal style statement.

Invest in Good Skincare Products

Good skincare products are a must for personal grooming. And contrary to the popular perception, these are meant not just for women. A trans man needs to invest in good skincare products for optimum personal grooming. To begin with, a good face wash is a must. He needs to wash his face twice a day with a good quality face wash. This keep oiliness at bay and the skin looks refreshed and rejuvenated at all times.

Then, a great moisturizer and sunscreen is a must-have. Post shower; start your morning routine by applying a moisturizer, followed by sunscreen. Many brands have sunscreens which also double up as moisturizers. So that is an alternative as well. Then you don’t need to go for two separate products.

You might dismiss these things as girly and feminine but these are the bare minimum basics of personal grooming. With time, the definition of masculinity has also undergone a sea change. Men are getting increasingly conscious of their looks and appearance. They are not longer embarrassed to apply creams and lotions and go for facials and pedicures. Many even go for waxing. As a trans man, how far you want to go with personal grooming is totally your call. But following a bare minimum routine is essential.

Select a Great Perfume or Cologne to Impress Her

In transsexual dating, grooming matters a lot. When you meet a beautiful woman on date, she expects you to look nice and smell nice. So it is important that you choose your perfume or cologne with great care. Just don’t pick up any expensive fragrance from the market. Try out different ones and then choose the one that complements your personality.

Also, make sure that the fragrance you choose is not too overpowering. A subtle fragrance with just the right balance of aroma will do the trick. You don’t want to smell like you just walked out of a store selling incense sticks or something.

Pay Attention to Your Shoes

Shoes are a much-neglected part of our overall appearance. We go to great lengths to select our dress for a particular occasion. The hairstyle, the watch, everything is just spot on. But often, shoes are the last thing people think about. And the funny thing is it is actually the first thing people notice about you when they see you.

As a trans man, always pay attention to the kind of shoes you are wearing and whether they go with your clothes. You should always invest in shoes that are stylish, yet uncomfortable. Shoes that are uncomfortable will hurt your feet and your walk will be awkward as well. Go for comfy shoes so that you can pull off that smooth swag.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society where trans phobia is more common than rare. Most families would have some kind of prejudice against a transgender person. So, the most important thing is not to freak out when your family tells you that they won’t accept your relationship under any circumstances. Stand your ground firmly but at the same time, do not mess up things with your family either.

This article gives you a couple of tips that would come in useful while dealing with a family that doesn’t accept your transgender partner.

Communicate With Your Family

This is the most important thing. You have to constantly communicate with your family in order to make them understand the importance of you dating that particular person. If you know for sure that your parents are heavily prejudiced against transgender people, don’t tell them everything in one go. Create the right ambience for revealing the truth. Try to build a conversation around general topics like how all individuals are unique and different and how it is important to not judge anyone by their identity tag. Take the conversation a bit further and then try talking about transgender people; explain to them how society has changed and that people can live the life of their choice without being judged.

Once you feel the conversation is getting somewhere, you can make the big announcement. They might be totally shocked and outright dismissive of the relationship.  Take it easy. Do not freak out. Prejudices don’t go away that fast. Give them some time for the reality to sink in. Always keep open the channels of communication.

After the initial task of communicating to them the gender identity of your partner, it’s important to focus more on their personality and attributes. Tell your parents about the great personality traits of your partner. Open up to them about your journey together that how your partner has changed your life for good. Talking about the positive aspects of your relationship is a good way to convince your parents. After a point, the conversation shouldn’t revolve around your partner’s trans identity. It should be simply about them as an individual.

Create Certain Boundaries

You love and respect your family and it should be always like that. But at the same time, you have to make it clear that they cannot disrespect your trans partner. When you meet someone through a transgender dating app and begin to date them, you both have to take a vow of safeguarding each other’s integrity and respect. That is the basic foundation of a good relationship.

So, if any of your family members begin to say rude and disrespectful things about your partner, ask them to stop the conversation right away. Don’t lose your calm. Tell them politely but firmly that you don’t think that’s a nice way to talk about your partner. If they still persist, just walk away saying you would see them perhaps some other time. There is no point in arguing and counterarguing. Just tell them firmly that you can’t continue the conversation if they talk about your partner like that. If they still don’t understand, just leave. This would have a powerful impact and set automatic boundaries.

It is important to find the right balance between your relationship with your parents and your partner. While your partner deserves all your love and respect, your parents too are important. They have their own perspective and even though it’s wrong, you just cannot shout at them or be rude because they are your family. That is where setting boundaries work. If you just lay down certain rules as to what you would and what you wouldn’t tolerate, you can still maintain a normal relationship with your family.

Do Not Compromise on Your Partner’s Self Respect

While it’s important to respect your family, it’s equally important that you take a stand when things get too much. If they have disrespected your partner in person and he/she is hurt, it’s about time you stop taking your partner to meet your family. It’s simply not worth it. While it’s good to keep trying that your family accepts the relationship, your partner cannot be a scapegoat in the sequence of things. If things have reached a critical point, it’s best to take a break. Start maintaining a certain distance. Communicate to them through your cold behaviour that you don’t approve of the way they treat your partner.

A transgender person has literally gone through a lot of hell in life. They need your unconditional love and support. So, if your family is constantly disrespecting them, just don’t get your partner involved in that drama. Keep a separate relationship with your family but keep your partner out of it.

Also, when you are alone with your partner, address any concerns that they have about your family. It is natural that they would be a bit scared and insecure thinking you might leave them because of your family. Comfort your partner and tell him/her that you would always be by their side, no matter what. Remember that family is a touchy subject with transgender people because they might be facing some issues from their own families.

When you’ve taken the plunge to date a transgender person through a trans dating site, it’s equally important that you stand up for their cause.

Accept the Reality

While it may be disheartening to know that your family will probably never accept your trans partner, it’s important to accept the reality. There is hope as long as we live but sometimes, we have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Make it clear to your family members that irrespective of whatever they think of the relationship, they have to respect your partner. Give them the message that you would slowly start withdrawing from their world if they are hostile to your partner.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to do that balancing act between your family and partner. You are probably attached to your family a lot. And it can hurt like hell. But you have to be strong and face the truth, no matter what.

It’s also a good time to introspect your level of commitment to your partner. If you are willing to sacrifice your family for someone, you are really in love with them. If your relationship is meaningless and futile and you just miss your family all the time, it’s time to do a reality check.

Seek Counselling or Support

Despite the best of your efforts, things can get really messy. If it reaches that point where your mental health has begun to suffer, look for professional counselling. Having sessions with a professional counsellor would help you locate your priorities better. You would have a better grasp of your own thought process and be able to respond to the situation in a way more controlled manner.

/>re">

Communicating your concerns to friends who understand your viewpoint is also a great way to come out of this mess. If your family is really important to you and you can’t live without them either, these friends can become a bridge between you and them. They can try and take up your case.

It’s also important to communicate your concerns to your partner. Tell him/her that you love them from the core of your heart but you are also missing your family. A transgender person has seen so many challenges in life that they understand the importance of a loving and supportive family. Even if your family doesn’t accept them, they wouldn’t mind you being on normal terms with them as long as it doesn’t infringe on your relationship. From your end, you should try your best to keep a working relationship with your family. But you got to make it clear to them that they have to respect your partner.

Just Relax and Unwind

If all the thinking and reflection gets too much for you, just put everything aside and relax. Spend quality time with your partner. Love is no less than therapy. Indulge in activities that make you happy; singing, painting, dancing, running, whatever it is. Bond with your partner over fun activities.

Never underestimate the power of a good laugh! Laughter is the best medicine for all our woes. It heals us and fixes wounds automatically. So, exercise your sense of humour and have a good laugh with your partner and friends!

As far as your family goes, just keep up the hope that they will eventually come around. Transsexual dating is not easy. It is expected that one faces many challenges. But stay optimistic and upbeat. That can solve a lot of problems.

As a FTM transgender man, you make so many efforts to look masculine and incorporate male behavioural patterns in your body language and communication. You pay extra attention to your wardrobe and the way you carry your clothes. Most FTM trans guys also take the Hormone Replacement Therapy in order to develop the physical attributes of manliness. But there is one area which might not seem like a dead giveaway but nevertheless, it is something that makes you conscious as a trans man. This is the crotch area. Since as a FTM trans guy, you do not possess the private parts of the male gender, this can impact your self-image and make you question your masculinity.

In order to overcome this discomfort, many trans guys resort to packing. Simply put, packing is the process of artificially creating a male-like bulge in the crotch area. It is a technique that simulates the crotch area of a man using various devices and aids. Packing is especially beneficial for those FTM transgender guys who haven’t undergone gender reassignment surgery.

Packers are available in different varieties, sizes, and price ranges. From the simplest of packers that literally just help create that bulge in your crotch area to more advanced ones that simulate the male reproductive organs with absolute dexterity, there is a wide variety of those available.

Although one has to understand than not all FTM trans men feel the need to pack. Some don’t feel the need for it at all, as the supposed absence of manliness in their nether regions doesn’t bother them. It does not affect their identity. But there are others to whom this can be a source of acute discomfort and anxiety. It is a part of gender dysphoria, also known as bottom dysphoria.

Many Transgender guys also choose to pack because it increases their chances of passing off as a man in public places and saves them from potential harassment. You might think that nobody really stares hard at your crotch area in a public place but if you are wearing tight trousers or fitted exercise lowers, the absence of a bulge can be obvious. Some people might choose to ignore even if they notice. But if someone creates an issue out of it, it can be embarrassing and also become a safety concern. Society is very prejudiced against transgender people. And it looks for opportunities to bully and trouble them. For many trans men, packing saves them from that potential harassment and sometimes even violence and abuse.

There is such a mind-boggling variety of packers available in the market that it is difficult to figure out which one to buy and where to start. This article gives you a couple of tips on how to pack as a transgender man.

Start Packing with a Sock

This is useful for trans men who want to pack but are not quite sure if it’s the right thing for them. Before buying a packer, you can actually start packing using a sock. This is a fairly common method in the trans community. It is inexpensive, easy to implement and you don’t have to worry about any side effects or skin infection.

Packing with a sock simply involves folding the sock in a certain way and placing it strategically inside your underwear so that a male-like bulge can be created. There are many tutorials available on how to pack with a sock online. You can do some research and check out with a transgender blog that talks about packing with socks.

Although this won’t give you a realistic-looking bulge in terms of resemblance but it’s a great way to start. Moreover, nobody really notices these things that carefully. If you check out the nether regions of a cis guy who is wearing jeans or trousers, you can just make out that there is a little bit of bulge. You do not really see the outline of the male reproductive organs as such.

Once you start packing with a sock, you will soon find out if packing is for you at all. And then once you are comfortable, you can ready yourself for buying a commercial packer.

Figure out Your Needs and Budget before Buying a Packer

There are so many different kinds of packers available in the market. It is important to figure out your specific needs and preferences before investing in one. Budget too is an important factor. Silicone packers are considered the best if you want a hyper-realistic packer that simulates the male genitalia with perfection. Silicone packers are considered the safest for prolonged skin contact. But again, the flip side is that these are generally quite expensive.

Then, there are foam packers which might be great for FTM transgender men who just want a manly-looking bulge without the look of a penis. The foam packer is pretty lightweight. It is also a good option for those who might be allergic to silicone.

As a FTM transgender guy, you also need to figure out the exact purpose of buying a packer. Do you just need it in the public or is it something you need for sexual pleasure as well? The kind of packing that you generally do for outdoors like when you are in a gym or a public place is known as soft packing. However, if you need packing specifically from the point of view of physical pleasure during lovemaking, hard packing will be your thing. Hard packing would incorporate something like a dildo or another prosthetic device that would be upright and erect.

While a hard packer is great for your love life, it would be awkward to wear one for daily use. You would just attract unwanted stares and attention in a public place if you sport one. So the best is to just use a soft packer on a daily basis and keep the hard one reserved for your lovemaking sessions. Also, hard packing can cause irritation in your private parts, so keep all that into account before buying one.

Then, there are STP Packers which can be especially useful for a FTM transgender guy as these will help you urinate while standing like a man. However, you need some practice before using this kind of packer. It can be awkward at first but you will soon get used to it.

You can interact with other trans men through a transgender forum and figure out which packer works best for them. Packing is an important part of your masculine identity and you shouldn’t be shy or embarrassed to ask questions on this topic.

Buy a Packer that’s Just the Right Size

As a FTM transgender guy, you might be tempted to buy a large-sized packer, thinking it will be an asset to your masculinity. But the reality is that would just look odd and would draw unwanted attention. Always buy a packer that’s just the right size keeping in mind your body proportions, not too big and not too small.

Well, if you do want to go for an oversized packer, that’s totally your choice. But it’s certainly not going to help you with the goal of passing off as a regular guy. Just try and judge the right size going by your own body proportions. If you are a tall and huge guy, then a large packer would actually complement your physicality.

You Could Also Consider Packer Specific Clothing

Packer-specific clothing is getting popular these days. As a FTM transgender guy, you could buy different kinds of underwear that are specially designed for packing. There are specific boxer briefs with pouches to slip in the packer. Such clothing can be useful to a trans man, especially while he is learning how to pack. This can save him the constant stress and worry that what if his packer slips off.

It Will Take a While to Get Used to Packing

Many FTM transgender men do not go for packing simply because it makes them feel uncomfortable in their private parts. You have to keep in mind that it will take you a while to get used to packing. The initial phase will be challenging. You might feel awkward walking. You might be conscious of the packer all the time and feel super stressed out in a public place thinking that everybody is just looking at you.

But there is no need to worry. After a while, you will get adjusted to packing and it will become a part of your identity. Just make sure you practice walking around with a packer on as much as you can. Not just walking but general activities like household chores, exercise, dancing, etc should also be practiced with a packer on. You could easily practice in your house. The idea is to get used to packing as much as you can before you begin to use it in a public place.

As a FTM transgender guy, remember that packing is not just about others noticing that there is a bulge in your crotch area. It’s about your own affirmation in your masculinity. Packing is supposed to help you with dysphoria and make you feel super comfortable and confident with your masculine identity. So invest time and energy in learning how to pack. Make it a part of your life.

1. With their professional history

2. With other people in their work environment

3. With organizational policies and practices.

Face-to-face semi-structured interviews were made with six transgender persons that work in organizations. From these narratives, it was found that the person's level of passing usually influences their relations and that the ignorance regarding transgender permeates all three domains of relations.

The Conclusions are:

1. The relations with work are marked by opportunity restrictions

2. The relations in the job hold the person responsible for their own intelligibility and safety

3. The relations with the organization vary according to the way it faces transgenderism and its own voice systems.

Transgenders are “people whose gender identity is different from their assigned gender at birth”. Individuals who identify themselves as transgender usually seek gender reassignment treatments, which may or may not include gender reassignment surgery. Transgender women (or trans women) are people whose body is read as male and whose gender identity is a woman. They usually go through treatments to acquire characteristics typical of the female gender and adopt names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as female. A transgender man (or trans man), in turn, is one whose body is read as female and whose gender identity is a man. They seek to acquire characteristics that are typical of the male gender and use names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as male. When considering their choice of work and hiring and admission processes, the word employed most often by respondents is if they are passable, the degree to which others take a transgender person as cisgender.

In practice, the higher a transgender person is passable, the less likely they are to suffer transphobia: if one's gender expression allows them to be seen by others as cisgender, they will not be subject to the prejudice and discrimination aimed at transgender people, increasing their chances of entering and remaining in the formal labor market. Two aspects affect them being passable: one's name and one's appearance. The ignorance regarding transgender people not only permeates the relations transgender people keep with others in their work environment, but also with the organization itself. The result is that trans phobia creates and maintains difficulties for transgender people in entering and remaining in the formal labor market.

A MTF trans woman is a lady who was born with the male biological gender. That is, her body had physical and biological characteristics of a man so she was assigned masculine gender at the time of birth. However, she identifies herself as a female. She had the eerie feeling of being trapped in a male body for a long, a feeling that gave her a lot of anxiety and discomfort. She battled this on a daily basis till she finally decided to come out as a woman. And once she begins to come out as a woman, she might choose to undergo certain medical procedures to develop the outward appearance of the female gender.

Having said that, it is not easy to be a MTF trans woman in this society. Although things are way better than let’s say 20 years ago, they are still far from best. People now perhaps recognize the right of transgender people to live a normal life but accepting them is a different issue altogether. It is still difficult for trans people to find regular jobs. If they are in college or university, completing their education becomes a challenge for them.

A transgender woman goes through a lot of societal challenges once she comes out in the open. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. These challenges can definitely get her on the verge of a breakdown. But with her characteristic courage, determination and confidence, she can overcome these challenges.

This article tells you about the main challenges faced by a trans woman and how to overcome these.

Struggle with Identity

A trans woman goes through an acute identity crisis for a long time. For every courageous person who has come out as a transgender lady in the public, there is a rather painful background story. She undergoes the most harrowing of identity crisis while growing up. The society judges her by the identity that is assigned at the time of birth. She has the biological characteristics of a man so she is expected to behave like a boy. She is supposed to adopt the typical mannerisms of a guy and socialize in a male pattern as she grows up. But all this gives her enormous distress. She feels like she is trapped in a wrong body and there is no one she can communicate this with. The parents come from the same society so even they might dismiss what she feels and just ask her to conform.

And that is the worst kind of struggle anyone can face. To have people tell you in your face that what you feel so deeply and truly is abnormal, nothing can be more painful than that. This identity crisis often gives rise to gender dysphoria.

All this can be really traumatizing and scary because if you are an adolescent, you can’t even take steps to undergo medical transitioning because you don’t have the finances plus you can’t take such decisions for yourself. That’s why many transgender people come out in the open later in life.

But you don’t have to let this identity crisis mark your life. If you feel like a woman trapped in a male body, speak to your family about it. They might dismiss you at first but if you persist, they will understand you and help you in your journey. If your family is hostile, confide in a friend whom you think understands you. In the meantime, you could get valuable information from a transgender forum and learn from other trans people's experiences. If it gets worse, you could seek help from any of the organizations working for the rights of transgender people. There are many such organizations active these days. A simple Google search will help you figure out how you can get help from one of these.

Struggle to Find Love

This is the common struggle many transgender women face. Once they come out in the open, the next challenge is to find love. Societal apathy makes it next to impossible for a trans woman to seek a partner the way a cis woman does. She can’t just walk into a party and strike a conversation with a guy she finds interesting. The guy might just turn hostile and even abusive the moment she reveals her identity, for all she knows.

So the best bet for a transgender female looking for love is to join a transgender dating site. These days there are many dating sites specially designed for the transgender community. These sites are relatively safer s compared to conventional dating sites. Also on these sites, the person you are talking to more or less knows that you are a transgender woman. In a conventional dating site, there is always that added risk of someone not knowing your identity even if you’ve categorically stated that you are trans.

A trans dating site also gives you the flexibility of communicating with different kinds of people from across the world. Your choices are not limited. If you were dating someone through family or friends, then you would have a limited pool of people to choose from. So this is an added advantage with online dating. Also, there is no pressure to really meet anyone. That’s the best part. You can go on chatting with different people for a long time till you finally decide to go on a date. And if you still feel uncomfortable about meeting someone, you don’t have to. There is no compulsion.

Finding love as a trans woman is definitely not easy but it’s very much possible. It takes all sorts to make this world. There are many wonderful guys out there. Meeting the right one at the right time is all about destiny.

Struggle with Work and Education

Most transgender people undergo some kind of struggle with work and education. This struggle is more acute in countries where the laws are mostly directed against transgender people. But even in countries where the law recognizes their rights, trans people face this problem.

For a trans woman, completing her education or keeping a job is a major challenge. That is why many transgender women keep on delaying medical procedures because they are scared of losing on education or work. There are many transgender women who are forced to lead double lives. They have to hide their identity at the workplace. They are forced to live out their real identity only in private or with close friends. That’s why it’s no surprise that many trans women just quit their jobs.

For a MTF transgender woman with no savings or little financial means, this can be a source of acute distress. Everyone has the right to earn their livelihood. But in case of trans people, even if the company doesn’t directly discriminate against them, there is so much apathy and transphobia at the workplace that they end up quitting anyway.

For a MTF trans woman trying to live a normal life post-medical treatment, all this can be very complicated. Even if she legally gets assigned the female gender after the gender reassignment surgery, she still faces problems.

The only way to address this is by creating more and more awareness around issues faced by the transgender community. Many people don’t even know what is exactly meant by the term trans. They probably confuse trans people with gays and lesbians. So firstly, a massive social movement is needed to educated people about the meaning and implications of the term transgender. Laws alone cannot bring changes. It’ only when cis people in schools, colleges and workplaces will become champions of transgender rights that things will begin to change for good.

Struggle with Conventional Notions of Femininity

This is a typical struggle that a trans woman undergoes. She has the pressure to conform to the conventional standards of femininity. Just feeling like a woman isn’t enough. She has to make sure that her dress, appearance, behaviour simulate that of a cis woman. She attends grooming classes, learns the art of applying makeup, and takes voice lessons to make her voice sound more feminine.

Somewhere, a trans woman has to find her own ground. She has to create her own distinct style and aura. Even all cis women are not the same. Some cis women are ultra-feminine whereas others are more tomboyish and carefree. So there is no sure shot manual to being a woman really. A transgender woman should feel free to embrace femininity in her own unique style. She should not get bogged down by the whole conventional baggage of femininity. Her essence is that of a beautiful woman. And her outward being should reflect that in its distinctive aura. 

Portrayal of Trans People in Films and Television

It is perhaps not that difficult to recall films or television series where transgender characters are used as caricatures for providing certain comic relief and for aiding the development of other characters. This rather objectionable use of trans characters in a derogatory and inhumane way unfortunately still persists in mainstream media and the entertainment industry. There is definitely a greater degree of check on it now though because of increased awareness on trans issues.

Hollywood has a history of a rather problematic portrayal of transgender characters. The first film which comes to mind is Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’ that creates the stereotype of the mentally disturbed cross-dressed murderer. Subsequently, the portrayal of a transgender person as a psychopath murderer persists in many mainstream media representations.

But things have begun to change for good now. And one can find quite a few positive, nuanced and non-stereotypical portrayals of transgender people in cinema and tv series. What instantly comes to mind is the amazing TV series ‘Pose’ that tries to portray the ‘drag ball’ culture of New York of the 1980s. The specialty of this TV series is that it’s been produced by a transgender activist and also stars transgender actors. The music for the series has also been composed by a trans musician.

Then, there is the hugely famous ‘Transparent’ TV series that delved into the life of a Los Angeles family who discovered that their parent is a transgender woman named Maura. The first season was premiered in 2014. Owing to its great success, subsequent seasons were launched as well. The series was great in some ways but the controversial aspect was the casting of Jeffrey Tambor as the main character Maura. Allegations of sexual harassment were made against him by the transgender cast and crew members of the series.

In cinema, there is the brilliant movie ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ that is based on the real-life story of Brandon Teena, a transgender man from the US who undertakes a quest to find love in Nebraska but things take an ugly, unexpected turn and he becomes victim to a hate crime being plotted and perpetrated by two men known to him. The film is remarkable in its effort to explore the subject of violence against transgender people. Transphobia is generally dismissed as something limited to cracking jokes at the expense of trans people and not accepting them into one’s social circle. In reality, transphobia borders on hatred and leads to violent and sordid crimes against trans people. ‘Boys Don’t Cry ‘is daring in that it chooses to portray such a sensitive and important issue.

Then there is the famous movie ‘Dallas Buyers Club’ that is extremely problematic in its portrayal of a trans woman. The stereotype of the crazy, drug addict prostitute persists when it comes to portraying the character of a transgender woman. What’s even worse is that the director chooses a cis male to portray the lead trans woman character of the film. Jared Leto plays the character of the trans woman in the film. This is the problem one frequently encounters in the representation of transgender people in cinema and tv. One rarely gets to see trans actors playing themselves. The problem is not with casting cis actors either. But the director generally has a tendency to cast to a male cis actor for the role of a trans woman and vice versa. And that is offensive to trans sensibilities. Why can’t a cis woman play the role of a trans woman? And then one wonders that if the filmmakers’ understanding of trans issues is so limited and parochial, then how does one expect them to portray their lives with any degree of depth and sincerity.

There is still a considerable lack of actors from within the transgender community. Often when big-budget films are made, the producer is obviously looking for an actor with that kind of a presence which makes them sell the film at the box office. And there are hardly any trans actors with that kind of stature. Then, there is also a paucity of transgender scriptwriters and filmmakers. This is something we need to look at. Positive portrayals of trans people in media will increase only when the storyline is being developed by transgender people themselves. This is not to say that a cis person cannot make a brilliant movie about the trans community. Surely, they can. But if trans people get to portray their issues from their own perspective and vantage point, the level of conviction would be in a different league altogether.

But still, things have improved a lot over years. While the frequency of trans representation in media might not have increased that much, the quality of representation has certainly improved. There are more positive portrayals of trans characters in media now than, let’s say 10 years or 20 years back.

Trans Representation in Video Games

Trans representation in video games has certainly increased over the years. Whether the quality of representation has improved or not is another issue though. Video games have been notorious for their stereotypical portrayal of trans characters. Often characters falling under the LGBT umbrella are just vaguely added for the sensational value without any proper characterization. The trans characters in these video games are mostly side characters. It’s rare to find a video game which has a trans character for a hero or a heroine.

The video game which is widely regarded as featuring the first trans character in gaming is Super Mario Bros. 2. The trans woman character by the name of ‘Birdo’ is badly stereotyped in the initial Japanese version of the game. She is constantly referred to as the man who thinks he is a woman. Birdo’s character is eventually developed to make it reflect a trans woman but even that is full of a lot of problematic stereotyping.

Another gaming series well known for having a trans character is Mass Effect: Andromeda. It features a trans woman by the name of Hainly Abrams and the game features her post-transition. The game shows her freely acknowledging her ‘dead name’ to someone. Now, a dead name is the name a transgender person had before the transition. It is usually a sensitive issue within the trans community. Transgender people rarely share their dead names with anyone. It’s only after they have established a great deal of trust and confidence that they would consider confiding it in someone. But the trans character in ‘Mass Effect: Andromeda’ is shown to be sharing her pre-transition name so casually.  Although the makers of the game acknowledged this error, made apologies, and worked on fixing it as well. So that’s a positive development. Because of increased awareness on trans issues, media cannot get away with inaccurate portrayals of trans characters. There is a certain pressure to present fair and balanced characters which are good.

Many Indie games also feature trans characters. A game like ‘Do I Pass’’ is about passing as a cis man or woman when people look at you as a trans person. The Indie game ‘Losing Charge’ is based on the life of a trans teenage boy who lives with his sister and their dad. Then there are others such as Undertale, Crypt of the Necro Dancer, and 2064: Read Only Memories.

The Way Forward

They say that even bad publicity is good publicity. This holds true to a certain extent in the case of transgender people. Even if the representation of trans people in films, television, and video games is full of flaws, the good thing is that at least they are getting visible. Once an issue gains visibility, it opens up the possibility of a dialogue. Even if a particular tv show or a film has a somewhat derogatory portrayal of trans characters, it has gotten these characters to the forefront of mainstream representation. When you are critiquing those characters, it gets easier for people to understand trans issues because they have that movie or TV show as a reference point.

A lot of media representation of trans characters is skewed simply because the people who create these programs might not enough about a trans person. They might have never met a transgender person in real life. Or even if they have, they might not have known them close enough to understand their life and struggles. That is why it is important for transgender people to themselves get involved in the creative industries. Once trans professionals and artists start creating audiovisual and written content about their lives and struggles, others will be able to understand their issues better. And it would certainly pave the way for more and more positive portrayal of trans characters in media.

Let’s begin by clarifying that there is nothing like ‘not trans enough. If you feel like a woman, then that’s it really. You don’t need to strictly match the physical characteristics of a particular gender in order to belong to it. If you choose to undergo a medical procedure to develop the external attributes of a cis man or a woman, that’s totally your choice. But these external physical characteristics don’t define your identity.

If you are a trans woman, it’s the essence of femininity you carry in your heart. How you express it externally is your choice and prerogative. Similarly, if you feel like a man, you are a trans man. And you don’t need to go to ridiculous extents in order to conform to stereotypical standards of masculinity.

Transgender individuals often suffer from what is commonly known as ‘imposter syndrome. To put it simply, they feel that they do not quite fulfill the expectations of the identity that they are claiming and feel that they don’t deserve to belong there. They feel as if they are wrongfully claiming someone else’s identity. Imposter syndrome can lead to a lot of negativity and depression in a transgender person. They spend too much time thinking about their imagined inadequacies and deficiencies rather than just living life and being happy.

It becomes like a vicious circle in which all their focus is on how to match the societal expectations of a typical man or woman. In the process, they forget their unique identity and are always under undue stress to conform.

This article tells you about a few ways in which you can overcome the ‘imposter syndrome’ as a trans person.

Fall in Love with Yourself

Self-love is the most important step towards combating imposter syndrome. If you love yourself, you are too busy to think about other peoples’ opinions of your personality or way of life.

When you are seeking love through a trans dating site, you are seeking validation from someone. You want someone to like you and adore you. In the process, their opinion becomes so valuable to you that it can make or break your day. This is not to say that you should give up on dating! Of course, you should seek out a partner for romantic love. That’s a basic necessity of life. But at the same time, this should not become the be-all and end all of your life.

Fall in love with yourself. Make your personal well-being the most important project of your life. Constantly set short-term goals for self-improvement. For example, challenge yourself to lose 3-4 kgs of weight in a month. Set a goal to take greater care of your skin and improve your skin health in a certain stipulated time frame. If you hate a particular type of exercise routine, motivate yourself to go for it.

Once you start treating your personal well-being like a project, you won’t have time left for anything else. And all the negativity will just vanish.

Work On Your Self-Confidence

Confidence is the biggest asset anyone can have. There are people who are not so good-looking or competent but they have such high levels of confidence that you are spellbound by them. When they walk into a room, they can make everyone look at them just by the virtue of their self-confidence.

As a transgender person, have faith and confidence in your abilities. Even if your dressing isn’t that perfect, your voice isn’t that deep and baritone like as a trans man, people will ignore all these things if you are confident. When you walk into a room, have a subtle but convincing smile on your face. Always look into the eyes of people directly while talking. When you are listening to someone, your body language should signify interest. When you are in a social setting, take the initiative to strike a conversation. All these things speak of an impressive level of self-confidence.

Confidence helps you score high even when it comes to dating and relationships. When you are chatting with someone through a transsexual dating site, you got to know how o build their interest and take things further. A person with self-doubt and hesitation will just say some awkward things and then they won’t know what to say next. But a confident person would take the initiative to start and conversation and then follow it up with even more interesting anecdotes and stories.

Cultivate the Trait of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking sounds easy. It means to think positively so it’s easy, right.  But in reality, it’s a challenge to think in a positive manner. As human beings, our thinking and feeling patterns are predisposed towards reacting more strongly to negativity rather than positivity. Think about it. How many times do you really react to some positive news stories like some great discovery or invention, some great advancement in the field of medical science, etc? It’s also hard to find any positive news. Generally, we are surrounded by negative news all the time – bomb blasts, accidents, corruption scandals, and all that.

So as a transgender person, you have to cultivate the habit of positive thinking. When you get up in the morning, tell yourself every day that how it’s going to be a beautiful day and you look forward to it. Remind yourself of all your achievements and the good things you’ve accomplished for yourself and others.

Develop empathy. It’s amazing how empathy for others can result in an improved self-image and positive thinking in general. If you see an elderly person on the road struggling with their bags, make an offer to carry those for them. Make it a general habit to be more aware of your surroundings and help people whenever you can. This will surely open up your eyes to all that is good and positive inside you and outside of you.

Get to Know More About Various Trans Icons

One way to overcome ‘imposter syndrome is by getting to know more about various trans icons. Transgender people are making their presence felt in every field, be it cinema, art, entertainment, fashion, sports, politics, law, media, or any other area. Read up about various trans icons. Their positive life stories will certainly inspire you. You will learn about the importance of being original and unique rather than blindly following standards set by society.

Be Connected with the Transgender Community

It’s great to be connected with the wider transgender community. You could join a ‘transgender forum’ online and communicate with other trans individuals. You could also join a local group that takes up transgender issues and participate in their meetings.

This is a great way to expand your social circle, make some great friends and be more aware of your own identity in the process. When you are constantly in touch with other trans people and are regularly sharing experiences with them, you are less likely to doubt your identity.

Concentrate On Your Professional Goals

This is a great way to keep negativity and depression at bay. As a transgender person, it’s very important that you focus on your professional goals. When you are struggling with so many issues and trying to live out an identity that society is constantly trying to negate, it’s understandable that your professional life will suffer. But if you stay determined and concentrate on your professional goals, this can be therapeutic for your personal life.

Just as you set various goals for your personal life, do the same for your professional one. If you are in a field of work where one constantly needs to update their knowledge, take regular refresher courses. If there is a particular aspect of your work you need to improve, concentrate on that. Also, focus on your communication skills since these are very important for work.

As you focus more and more on your professional goals, your mind will become more rational and organized. And you won’t have any time or inclination for negativity or irrational thoughts.

Educate Others About Trans Issues

Give yourself the task of making your friends, family, and colleagues more aware of transgender issues. Talk to them, get to know their thinking, and then give them your perspective. Society has a lot of misconceptions about trans people. And a lot of these stereotypes exist because there is no awareness enough. This kind of brainstorming will help in creating that awareness.

Many transgender individuals are in a state of constant self-doubt about their identity because of societal stereotyping and expectations. Society knows little or nothing about trans people. So they try to fit into the binaries of male or female as defined by society and get anxious in the process. So it is important for every trans person to educate those known to him about trans issues. This will slowly lead to a change at the level of society and also strengthen his/her sense of identity as a trans man or woman.

Dating as a transgender has become relatively easier now. You don’t have to meet someone through friends and acquaintances to get a prospective date. There are so many dating sites and apps for transgender people. At the mere click of a mouse, you can start communicating with potential love interests. And then at some point of time, you can set up a real date with someone you are getting along well with.

When that girl or boy of your dreams finally says yes to a date, it’s easy to be super euphoric and get carried away! While you deserve every bit of that happiness and adrenalin rush, it’s important to keep some things in mind in order to make that first date special. There is no manual really but still, there are certain rules and laws of dating behaviour and etiquette that you should follow.

This article tells you about a few tips that you should follow while dating as a transgender person.

Make Sure Your Date Knows You Are Transgender Woman

This is most important. Make sure your date knows in advance that you are a transgender person. If you are dating through a trans dating site, they would probably know anyways. But a lot of trans people also date through regular dating sites. On these forums, it is sometimes difficult for the other person to figure out your identity unless you tell them categorically. So make it a point to tell them that you are transgender before you even start talking online.

Some trans people think that revealing their identity early on might prejudice someone against dating them. So they keep it a secret, waiting for the right time. But that’s not a fair approach. Your potential partner has every right to know about your identity. This kind of gamble is also not healthy for your dating scenario. The world is full of transphobic people. Even if you get along really well with someone, their behaviour might totally change once they know that you are transgender. It’s also putting your personal safety at risk. You don’t want to be harassed and abused by someone you meet for a date. So before you plan a date with someone, make sure they know that you are transgender.

Only when you are certain that they don’t have any issue with your identity, should you go ahead with seeing them on a date.

Have Positive Vibes

When you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to be pleasant and cheerful. You don’t know how it’s going to be. They don’t know how it will turn out. What matters is the moment. Just enjoy your date, be happy and make it pleasant for them as well.

Meeting someone in real life is totally different from chatting with them through a transsexual dating app. So just be your natural self and go with the flow. There is nothing as irresistible as natural chemistry built over real life meetings. It’s the kind of chemistry that gives you goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach. Maybe, you develop that equation with your date. Maybe, you don’t. There is no way to know in advance. So just relax and be comfortable.

Also, remember to smile! It can really make the other person’s day and put them at ease. Meeting your potential boyfriend or girlfriend with a frown on your face is not exactly the stuff of dreams. So wear that infectious smile and your date will be certainly drawn to your aura.

Communicate With Confidence

Great communication skills are an asset for anyone. The art of having a good conversation becomes especially useful during a date. Think of topics that are mutually interesting and then weave a conversation around those. Do not jump from one topic to another at your whim. Some of us have a habit of getting carried away when we talk, so much so that we completely forget the other person and just go on ranting. Don’t do that on a date!

That’s why it’s important to be a good listener. In fact, listening is a part of great communication skills. Listen with interest whatever your date is saying and then take the conversation from there. This will make the conversation interesting and also help build chemistry between the two of you.

When you are talking to each other, just think you are friends. That would make the whole thing easier. If we are too conscious about the dating thing all the time, it can hamper our ease and confidence. So just relax and have a chat around topics you are passionate about.

Don’t Expect Too Much

Do not expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love story on the first date itself. Just take it easy. The first time you are meeting someone, it’s more like meeting a friend. Only when you get comfortable with someone and can have a decent conversation with them, you can begin to think about other things. So have realistic expectations from your date. Don’t expect them to fall head over heels in love with you. That’s probably not going to happen. If the two of you feel interested enough in each other after the date to meet a second time, that’s probably the best you can achieve.

It is also possible that the date is not going on that well and you’ve realized that. Still, it’s important to just stay cool and be civil. It’s not the end of your life. Enjoy the moment while you are there and then just coolly walk your way. However, there are certain places where you have to draw some boundaries. If your date is rude to you, it’s time to just walk away without a word. Do not get into arguments because that’s just going to create a scene. Just coolly walk off.

Expectations ruin the best of things. So even if your date has ended rather well, do not expect too much. If you will be seeing your potential love interest for a second time, look forward to it. But don’t make it the sole motto of your life. Concentrate on other things and be just cool and calm.

Know the Basics of Dating Etiquette

There are some basics of dating etiquette that you got to follow. These are fairly general and pretty obvious things that we often tend to overlook. When are dating someone in a restaurant or a café, do not go on a complaining spree. There are people to tend to find a fault with something everywhere they go. The food is not good, the service is bad, you don’t like the décor of the restaurants, stay away from all those irrational and irritating complaints.

Complaining incessantly about a restaurant’s staff or service during a date is just going to ruin your date. It will give your partner the impression that you are a grumpy and bad-tempered person. So do not indulge in that kind of drama.

Another important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t be over open and trustworthy during your date. Some people have a habit of getting so worked up that they confess everything about themselves to the other person during the first meeting itself. Do not do that. Be a bit secretive and mysterious. Be candid about your conversation but do not reveal too much about your personal life. Keep the talk centered on topics of general interest. Do not approach subjects too personal or controversial. It’s a good practice to refrain from revealing too much about your past relationships. You shouldn’t ask your date probing questions about their personal life as well.

When you are meeting someone for the first time, never ever start talking about the subject of physical love. That will just freak out your date and they will probably think you’re just desperate to get laid. Keep all that stuff for later on. During the first date, just keep it old-fashioned, classic, and simple.

The dating etiquette code equally applies to the other person. If they ask you too many inappropriate questions about your transgender identity, just tell them politely but firmly that they need to maintain certain boundaries. If you feel vulnerable at any point of time, feel free to just walk away. If at any point during the date, you feel that the other person is not sure about your transgender identity, just tell them categorically again. Even if you have communicated it before, there is no harm in telling again. This is the most crucial aspect of your relationship. Your partner has to be comfortable with your identity.

As the adage goes, the first impression is the last impression. In order to woo the transgender woman of your dreams, it is important that everything about the first date is in sync with her personality and sensibilities. Each individual is unique so you cannot have a generic date plan for every situation. You got to do a bit of homework and come up with something that strikes your trans woman as interesting and fun.

You might even be nervous and jittery thinking what if she gets bored on the date. It is obvious to have those mixed feelings when you are embarking on something new. But there is no need to panic. Planning an awesome first date is no rocket science either. You just got to be a bit smart, innovative, and creative.

This article gives you a couple of tips that would help you in planning that great first date with the trans woman of your dreams.

Come Up With Several Options for the Date Venue

This is important. A date is about two people. So you can’t just announce to your transgender woman that you’ve booked so and so place and that’s where you got to go. You have to give her a couple of options to choose from. And that’s why planning in advance is necessary.

Obviously, it’s not possible to have an unlimited number of options so 3 is a reasonable number. Give her at least 3 options to choose from. No matter how well you’ve figured her out, you can never be sure about someone, especially when you haven’t ever met them in person before. That is another reason why having a couple of options for your date venue is important.

It will also give her the impression that you genuinely care about her likes and dislikes. It is obvious that when you meet someone through a trans girl dating site and have just communicated with them online, there are some doubts and hesitations on both sides. That is why it’s important to go slow and take the preferences of your trans woman into consideration.

It’s best to go for venues that are relatively near to wherever she stays so that she feels safe getting back home. On the first date, she might not trust you enough to drop her back home even if you make the offer with all good intentions. Therefore, it’s important that the date venue is somewhere close to her residence so that she can get back safely by herself as well.

Take Her Personality into Account While Deciding the Date Venue

The best rule to follow is to have three options in hand – one with a classic and neutral date venue and two others that are customized to suit your trans woman’s personality and hobbies.

If you are going out on a date with her, it’s obvious that you two have been chatting for a while through a trans dating site. So you must have figured out something about her likes and dislikes. Is she a rock music girl? Or is she someone who would enjoy a date at an artsy café or bar with some jazz in the background? You got to figure these things out. Maybe, she is not that much into music at all. Perhaps, she enjoys outdoor adventure more. In that case, you might have to plan out a different kind of date for her altogether.

When you tell her about a date plan that’s totally custom-made according to her aura and persona, she would really appreciate it. Your transgender woman would obviously notice that you haven’t just given her a list of stock venues to choose from. On the contrary, you made a great effort to figure out her vibes and plan accordingly.

It’s best to keep one option classic and safe just in case she wants to keep it conventional and low-key since it’s your first date. Whichever option she chooses, but she will certainly notice and admire your initiative in figuring her out and planning a date accordingly.

Keep Your Budget in Mind While Planning the Date

When we are trying to impress someone, it’s easy to go overboard and spend beyond our means. Resist that temptation. If a girl falls in love with you, it’s not for your money or the expensive places you take her out to. It’s for your personality, charm, and sincerity. So when planning out that first date with the trans woman of your dreams, make sure you stay within your budget.

It’s very much possible to have a great date even within a limited budget. You just need to be a good planner. Check out various deals and discounts being offered at several restaurants and then choose some options accordingly. It’s very important that you are comfortable with the prices of the place you choose since you got to bear all the expenses yourself. As a rule of thumb, you pay for the first date, and then for the subsequent dates, you and your partner can split the bill.

Once you reach a certain comfort level with your trans girl, you can tell her your concerns without any hesitation or embarrassment. You can confide in her that your budget is a bit limited. She would not take this against you. On the contrary, she would appreciate that you trust her enough to share such an important detail of your life with her. Being open and honest with one another is the basic foundation of any relationship. To begin your first date on that note.

Remember Your Online Chats with Her

Now that the planning part is over, it is very important to figure out how to behave during your first date. Obviously, you try and strike a great conversation.  Starting though is the tricky part since the two of you have only spoken through a ts dating app and are meeting for the first time. A golden rule to follow is to remember all your previous chats with her and initiate a conversation accordingly.

Even if you had been talking only through texting till now, there is a certain rapport you’ve built. So take it forward from there. Remember any specific comment she made about something in one of your chats and bring that up. Tell her how that made you think about a particular subject. The safest way to start a conversation is to talk about general things like hobbies and interests. Everybody likes movies and music to a certain degree. So you could talk about that as well.

Real-life chemistry is obviously very different from talking to someone online.  A lot of it is destiny really. It can be like fireworks or go totally cold. But remembering your online chats with your trans woman is a good place to start. Once the initial awkward phase is over, your natural chemistry will come into play. But to begin a conversation, you got to start from somewhere.

Ask Her Out On a Second Date

If it all goes well and the two of you are having an awesome time on your first date, it’s time to ask her out for a second one. If she had a good time with you, there is no reason really why she would say no. But it’s important to make that second date offer right there and then when you are out with her because if you leave it for later on, she might think through it and change her decision. And you don’t want that to happen!

When you are in the flow of things and there is some chemistry building up between the two of you, that’s the best time to ask her if she would like to see you again. And once she says yes, you would have a brand new date to plan and look forward to!

Ask Her to Text When She Reaches Home

For a woman, it’s very important that you are concerned about her safety and well-being. You might be the best-looking and charming guy in the world but all that doesn’t amount to anything for her unless you are considerate and caring. Make sure that once the date is over, you ask your trans woman to text you once she gets back home.

If she forgets to text you for some reason, take the initiative to text her or call. That would make her feel that you genuinely care for her.