Serenity's blog
If we talk about online dating for trans, men, and people of other gender identities, we also need to talk about our other, intersectional facets of our identities.
While gender and sexual orientation refer to two very distinct aspects of our human lives, acronyms like LGBTQIA+ suggest that the transgender community is part of the queer community. This can cause some confusion for anyone who is not particularly well-versed in the terminology.
Commonly, ‘queer’ as a reclaimed slur refers to people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual. Queer people can identify as bisexual, pansexual, homosexual and much more. Transgender, meanwhile, refers to gender identity, i.e. whether a person identifies as male, female, genderqueer, nonbinary, or similar. Inter* people also have a special gender identity.
Intersectional identities
Of course, gender and sexuality are intricately linked and always rooted in the society we grow up in. Like anything in life, sexuality and gender identity are fluid and can change over time. The cis-female teenager who realizes she is bisexual might, later on, come into their nonbinary or genderqueer identity and embrace pansexual as a term… or take up the more general, less narrow term ‘queer’.
With the growing acceptance of queer people in society, the fight for transgender rights is becoming more and more the focus of activism. Unfortunately, even among the LGBTQIA+ community, transgender people may have to deal with huge levels of misunderstanding, bigotry, and transphobia. In a similar vein, people with trans identities can be homophobic, biphobic, or harbor prejudice against any other marginalized groups.
Figuring out who we are is always a struggle. Yet when several marginalized identities converge in one individual, the journey to accepting one’s identity as a whole may be even more difficult. If, on the one hand, you struggle to accept your queerness, and on the other also have to contend with a transitioning process, this double-dose can be overwhelming.
If you have yet other marginalized identities, for instance, if you are a person of color, then you have to deal with everyday overt and covert racism, too.
One thing is essential to remember, though: Despite how it might sound, this is not a competition. All pain and suffering are valid and there is no score to keep.
Also absent: a schedule.
Some people realize at quite a young age that they are different, whether in terms of gender identity or sexual orientation – or both. Yet this isn’t the case for everyone, by far. Others start to explore the dimensions of their identities in puberty and some much later. It is never too late or too early – you have your own pace, and that pace is as legitimate as that of everyone else around you. As mentioned above, this is not a competition and it’s also not a race to the finish line of knowing which boxes you fit into.
How To Embrace Your Different Identities
We all have to fight countless battles in our quest to accept our gender identity and sexual orientation. The path to our goal, i.e. feeling at home in our own skin, leads us through self-doubt, maybe even self-loathing, as well as discrimination and harassment. Sometimes from strangers, yet most often it originates from those closest to us.
When you live in a queerphobic and transphobic environment, you of course are much more likely to struggle with your identities. But even if your family is loving and accepting of your identity, you do not live in a vacuum or a bubble that only includes you and your loved ones. Media and the internet are ripe with harmful messaging and filled with bigotry.
How, then, can you move towards self-acceptance? Here are a few tips that have helped fellow transgender and queer people.
Connect with the trans community:
Find others who have gone – or are currently going through – the same or similar processes as you are. If you struggle with your gender identity, seek out the transgender community in your area or online. Ts dating sites can be a great place to start as well since they usually can be used to forge friendships, too. Connecting with a trans community can bring a sense of peace and calmness to a person who is transgender and struggles with accepting who they are.
Connect with the queer community:
The same holds true for anyone struggling with their sexual orientation. Seek out fellow queer people, ask questions, listen, and reflect. There is a reason the Q in LGBTQIA+ stands for ‘questioning’ – you are welcome here, too.
Find your tribe:
Especially if your own family does not connect with you or maybe even cuts ties with you, find people who you click with. Finding one’s tribe, one’s chosen family, is not a quick fix to belonging but rather a life-long process. You will know when you have a person in your life who feels like family even if there is no blood or legal relation between you.
Look for role models:
Sometimes we cannot seem to turn off that voice in our heads that tell us that we’re bad because we’re different from the so-called ‘norm’. A good way to turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk is to look for role models. There are amazing transgender people who are spreading a message of love, solidarity, acceptance, respect and, most importantly, the message of self-love.
Educate yourself:
The more you read about gender and sexuality, the less ‘wrong’ you will probably feel about being ‘different’. While most of us are taught that there are two genders, male and female, with some intersex people in between that happen when the chromosomes aren’t XX or XY, the scientific reality is much more complicated.
It takes more than one simple set of chromosomes to determine a baby’s sex, i.e. biological gender. Even if the fetus develops in one particular direction, the differences on an individual level are astounding. No two cis-women are the same, just like no transgender women are the same.
There are countless videos on YouTube about this, just as there are many helpful articles and essays that break down the sometimes very complicated science surrounding this issue. Maybe your quest will also unearth podcasts that provide insight in audio format. You might also check the local library for recent publications. There is no ‘right’ way to go about this – it all depends on your preferences and access. As long as you are curious and have an open mind, you’re set!
Be open to different dating platforms:
If you stick to Tinder or Grindr, chances are you will see an endless gallery of people who seem to adhere to a standard default. Of course you, as a nonbinary or gender-nonconforming person, or someone on the asexuality spectrum will feel like there is something wrong with you.
Which is why it is important you also try transgender dating sites and ts dating apps. There, you will find like-minded people. They might not share the same identities, but they will be a lot more open and understanding than the folks swiping left elsewhere.
Join LGBTQIA+ support groups and communities:
Whether a group on Facebook or a hashtag on Instagram, go and see what wonderful people hand around in your online neighborhood. You can find new friends, helpful mentors, or just a sense of community there without having to leave your home.
Play with fashion and style:
How will you know who you are if you don’t try different things? Usually, one’s teenage years are the time for experimentation and pushing boundaries. Yet the more we understand about sexuality and gender, the clearer it becomes that it is a lifelong process.
So it is never too late to slip into a different garment, try on nail polish or lipstick, see how a binder feels or what it’s like to dress like you always wanted but never dared.
Talk to a professional:
Fortunately, the stigma surrounding therapy is receding as more and more people embrace the importance of mental health. Struggling with your identity can be facilitated by a therapist if you feel like this might be helpful – and, more importantly, if you have access to such a service.
Part of your approach to making peace with your identity might include medication. If someone suggests so, do not immediately decline. Sometimes, medication like antidepressants can truly save a life in combination with other strategies.
Explore your body:
Speaking of therapy, you might want to explore somatic therapeutic forms as well, if you have the means and the time. If not, you are free to get to know your body better and explore what feels nice on your own. Yes, this refers to masturbation!
Of course, joyful movements that do not involve sexual gratification also count… but yes, touching yourself in a kind, curious, and appreciative way will help you on your path to accepting your identity.
Be patient with yourself:
Last but not least, remember to be patient. The path to self-acceptance is a process, not a sudden realization. Life isn’t static and your circumstances will inevitably change, which can affect your gender identity and orientation, too.
You’re not alone – confusion is the norm. Embrace it, and see where it leads. After all, you don’t owe anyone an answer, not even yourself.
Committing the entirety of your life to a partner is something many people strive for, regardless of gender and orientation. While some might call it an outdated tradition, or criticize the patriarchal background that the custom carries, at the end of the day, marriage can also be a powerful step for a relationship.
For Felix and Helen Fenton, their wedding day was even more meaningful. Both of them are transgender - theirs is Britain’s first double sex swap wedding. Felix said: “This is the first day of the life I always wanted to lead – as the right love with the right person by my side.”
The Fentons’ shared their journey with the public to show that transgender dating is just as beautiful as any other love.
This inspired Maxwell and Janis, who used to be Ian, and found her soulmate in Maxwell, to ask the Fentons to be their best man and bridesmaid respectively. For Maxwell and Janis, their celebration was not a traditional marriage, but a renewal of their vows.
Jamie Eagle and Louis Davies are another double sex swap wedding who chose to broadcast their marriage: The 21-year-old bride, Jamie, was assigned male at birth, and the 26-year-old groom, Louis, was assigned female at birth. And given the struggles and the pain that often goes along with a transgender person’s journey towards their true identity, they kept wondering whether or not their big day would ever happen. When it finally was on the horizon, they received a chance to be featured on Sky Living’s “Forbidden Love” series.
“We thought long and hard before agreeing to it, because life is difficult enough for us, without TV cameras encroaching into our daily lives and struggles,” admits Louis. “But in the end, that was our motive for going ahead. We want people to have a sense of what our lives are really like so that when they talk about transgender issues, they are more informed.” Sky Living’s finished documentation of the event offers an educational, insightful, and quite moving glimpse at Jamie Eagle and Louis Davies’ special day.
Their stories of finding love as well as their true gender identity are one of many.
Daliah Husu, for instance, who was born Luis Miguel Morris, married her husband Ruben Husu. Daliah was just four years old when she realized she was different from other boys – she loved dressing up as a lady. She said: “My aunt used to call me ‘little woman’. It was her way of saying: ‘It’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with it’.”
Britain’s highest-ranking and openly transgender soldier, Army Captain Hannah Winterbourne married her partner, actor Jake Graf, in 2018. Instead of giving presents, their guests donated to the wedding fund as well as the surgery fund to support Hannah’s journey.
Transgender celebrities also tie the knot: Transgender model Carmen Carrera and husband Adrian Torres feel truly blessed: “Honestly,” says Carrera, “knowing that I was going home a married woman gave me a sense of peace... This wedding has given us a sense of freedom to be proud of what we have and who we are. Celebrating our love and what we call our 'modern, modern family,' lets us know that we belong here and that we also have a place to raise a family of our own on our terms. We feel truly blessed."
Meanwhile, transgender icon Janet Mock and Aaron Tredwell had a dreamy Hawaiian wedding on the island of Oahu. "I struggled to imagine what my big day would look like,” admits Janet Mock, “because I'd never let myself believe I'd have one. I never imagined I'd be a bride.” To that, the photographer groom, who proposed to Mock after five years of dating, said, “I know she felt that way, and I say it's ridiculous. I'm the lucky one in this relationship. I'll be forever grateful that she chose me.”
As the examples of publicized weddings show, committing your life to your soulmate does not need to be a private affair. Several transgender brides and grooms have taken it upon themselves to wield the interest their transgender identities garner to further a political mission.
For instance, Russian trans woman Irina Shumilova and cisgender woman Alyona Fursova broke no laws when they married. The reason: Irina Shumilova wasn’t able to amend her legal documents, which still identify her as male, before their ceremony. However, their union did cause ripples with the proponents of the ‘gay propaganda’ law in Russia: The couple has used the not-yet updated document as a chance to officially register their relationship since, under the Family Code of Russia, marriage is “a voluntary consent of a man and a woman.”
In Havana, Ignacio Estrada and Wendy Iriepa, born as Alexis, joined their lives together in a simple civil ceremony on the same day as Fidel Castro's 85th birthday. They called the wedding a “gift” to the former leader. Then, they draped themselves in the rainbow flag of gay pride to ride through the streets of the city.
In Malta, transgender woman Joanne Cassar fought an eight-year legal battle for her right to marry, thus paving the way for herself and others. She eventually became Joanne Sciberras Edwards with her new husband Kurstin.
India saw its first transgender couple marry under the Special Marriage Act in May 2018. Surya and Ishaan K Shaan celebrated their big day with over 500 guests, including Ishaan’s father, mother, and sister.
Advice If You, Too, Want to Have a Transgender Wedding
Well, first and foremost, you will need to find the right partner. Yet thanks to transgender datings sites that connect you to thousands of potential dates all around the globe, this is easier nowadays than it used to be ever before.
If your goal is to enter a long-term or even life-long relationship, however, you need to be open and honest about this to avoid falling in love with someone who does not share your life’s dream of marriage.
Once you have found the perfect match and you are both ready to commit, here are a few aspects to consider if one or both of you are part of the transgender community:
— Beware of legal pitfalls: More and more countries and states have legalized same-sex marriages. So if you and your partner share the same gender after transitioning, you need to be aware of the legal circumstances in your country. If you are a male-female couple where one partner has transitioned, you might need to wait for name changes and gender changes to become official since you need a birth certificate to marry.
— Take care when choosing vendors and venues: As headlines in recent years have repeatedly shown, there are many businesses that do not wish to tell to the queer community. If you are a same-sex couple or a trans/genderqueer/nonbinary couple, there is a risk you will have to deal with bigoted attitudes. So choose vendors carefully. Ask around in your local community for recommendations. Ideally, you know other LGBTQIA+ couples who celebrated their weddings and will be able to help you.
— Consider what you share via social media: As instagramable as your wedding might be, keep in mind that the internet is home to a large number of narrow-minded people. If your ceremony includes transgender brides, grooms, or nonbinary partners, chances are you might attract harassment online. Be aware of this risk and talk through the implications with each other before you decide to share any photos or videos of your special day.
— Family troubles: Unfortunately, some family members might not approve of your union. This affects queer people and transgender couples alike. Not having one’s family at one’s wedding can hurt, and the affected partner will need considerable support even if the rift between them and their family members is not new. Yet be sure to talk about how best you can help your partner – not everyone appreciates someone coming in on a high horse and taking care of a situation. Only act when you know your partner wants you to.
— Cis partners require care, too: That said, let’s not ignore the fact that cisgender partners in a trans wedding will need support as well. While they may have spent a long time with their transgender partner and even been a powerful ally for the trans community, this does not always prepare them sufficiently to handle the added stress of a wedding. A cisgender partner might be embarrassed or even enraged by other people’s ignorance of transgender issues and concerns and thus have profound emotional reactions.
As different as some aspects of transgender weddings may be, they do not differ from any other wedding in this central truth: Both partners need care and support in the wedding planning process. While the actual day can be magical, the road that leads to this happy moment is often stressful and filled with challenges. That holds true for couples of all genders and orientations.
Remember the goal: committing yourself for life to the person you love. Focussing on the joyous outcome will help you both get through even the hardest and most difficult moments in your journey to marry.
"Transgender" is an umbrella term used to capture the spectrum of gender identity and gender-expression diversity. Gender identity is the internal sense of being male, female, neither or both. Gender expression — often an extension of gender identity — involves the expression of a person's gender identity through social roles, appearance, and behaviors. Transgender people are at increased risk for certain types of chronic diseases, cancers, and mental health problems.
Many health concerns that transgender people face are due to minority stress, which is characterized by:
— Negative social attitudes and disapproval (social stigma) toward transgender people.
— Abuse, harassment, neglect, rejection or unfair treatment (discrimination) of transgender people.
— Internalization of social stigma, turning it into negative attitudes and thoughts toward one's self (internalized stigma).
For example, minority stress is linked to transgender people seeking out less preventive care and screenings than that of cisgender people of similar ages, whose gender identity and expression match the gender they were assigned at birth. This might be due to a lack of gender-related insurance coverage, being refused care, difficulty finding a doctor with expertise in transgender care or fear of discrimination in a healthcare setting.
In addition, because of minority stress, transgender people are at risk of:
• Emotional and psychological abuse
• Physical and sexual violence
• Sexually transmitted infections, viral hepatitis, and HIV
• Substance misuse
• Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts
Transgender people may avoid medical care for fear of being rejected. Many have been turned away by health care providers or had other negative experiences. Not all providers know how to deal with specialized transgender issues. Often, transgender health services are not covered by insurance. For these reasons, transgender persons may not be able to access the care they need. Transgender should find a personal doctor who understands transgender health issues.
What you can do:
• See a doctor
If you're a transgender person, don't avoid seeing a doctor out of fear of a negative encounter. Instead, look for a doctor who is empathetic and respectful of your specific needs. By doing so, your doctor can help identify ways to reduce your risk of health concerns, as well as identify medical conditions and refer you to specialists when necessary. Once you're talking to your doctor, be honest. Share your gender identity. Tell your doctor about any medicines you take or have taken, any surgeries or procedures you've had, and any associated complications or concerns. Talk about any stress, discrimination, anxiety or depression you're experiencing and how you cope. Also, tell your doctor if you're sexually active. The more your doctor knows about your health history, the better the doctor will be able to help you.
• Get screened
Experts recommend that you take steps to protect your health based on your anatomy, regardless of your gender identity or expression. This might include:
• Age-appropriate screening for cervical and breast cancers
• Age-appropriate screening for prostate cancer
• Age-appropriate screening for colon cancer
• Age-appropriate vaccinations
• Screening for mental health conditions
• Screening for substance abuse
• Screening for HIV
• Screening for hepatitis
• Cancer
• Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
There are a lot of social taboos attached to dating a transgender person. Most people, even if they are brave enough to take the plunge, get dissuaded by family and friends. But things are changing. With an exponential increasing in the number of dating sites for transgender people, the gap between the so-called cis world and trans world is closing day by day.
In this day and age, it’s not unusual to find cis men who are in a happy and stable relationship with a trans woman and vice versa. The so-called society still frowns upon the idea of dating a transgender person but the good thing is attitudes are changing and they are changing fast.
Dating a trans person is not about some instant gratification or even general curiosity. In fact, it can be a life-changing experience. Dating a trans person through a ts dating app can change your life for good. It can open up your mind to a whole new range of worldviews and perspectives. It gets you out of your little shell and makes you appreciate difference and diversity. Dating a transgender person gets one into a zone where they gradually become more accommodating, sensitive, broad-minded and empathetic. In fact, it won’t be an exaggeration to say that the whole experience makes you a better human being.
Whom you want to date is ultimately your choice and preference. But the whole point is you should not lose your eyes to an entire community of interesting people just because of some stupid social stigma. This article introduces you to a couple of points regarding how dating a transgender person can be a life-changing experience.
Trans Dating Introduces You to a Diverse Set of People
Not all dates end in relationships obviously. But the mere act of joining a trans dating site and communicating with a trans man or woman can enrich you mentally. You get to know about the issues faced by transgender community. And most importantly, you get to realize that trans people are very different from stereotypes of them portrayed by media and popular culture.
By dating a transgender man or woman, you get to appreciate them as an individual. When you chat with them online and talk about mutual likes, dislikes and interests, you realize that it’s like talking to any cis person. And that’s when you begin to get out of the societal prejudice complex against the transgender community.
Transsexual Dating Makes You a Stronger and Focussed Person
If you are a cis man dating a trans woman, you would slowly realize how much she has gone through in life. And she has still managed to pull herself together beautifully. Her charm and energy are infectious. She always motivates you to do better in life. Looking at her beautiful face and going by her magical laughter, you cannot even begin to imagine there is so much pain hidden underneath.
In comparison to her life trajectory, your own woes and worries will seem miniscule. And yet, you fret and fume and worry so much about things like a bad day at work, missing a job promotion or missing the deadline for applying for that dream job. On the contrary, she is an individual who has literally undergone hell in order to live out the life she wants to. And at every step, she has faced societal abuse and discrimination. Her own friends and family might have deserted her at some point in time. And still, she is not broken. She has childlike enthusiasm about everything and lights up your life.
Being with a trans woman is certainly going to make you a stronger and more focused person. This relationship is no ordinary one. It will give an immense boost to your personal development and your ability to chase professional goals.
You Become More Empathetic and Sensitive
Transsexual dating can make you a more empathetic and sensitive individual. When you are in a relationship with a transgender person, you have to stand up for your partner. Your friends might not like them. You family might disapprove of them. At such times, it is possible that your partner breaks down. This is when they need your unconditional mental support.
Dating a trans person makes you question a lot of things about your general behaviour with people around. When you see your partner getting hurt by the barbs of society, you remember your own inconsiderate behaviour with someone. It leads you to a process of deep self-introspection. And this is a life-changing experience.
You Get to Date Incredibly Gorgeous People!
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While this might sound like a shallow reason for dating someone, it does apply. To be honest, physical attraction is the first motivation that makes us want to go out with someone in the first place. Other things are obviously important and then they follow. But what starts it all is sparks of mutual attraction.
If you are a guy dating a transgender woman, you would instantly know what I mean. A trans woman is an incrediblywell groomed creature. She takes great care of herself physically and mentally. When you meet her, she is radiant, her skin is glowing and she is dressed just right for the occasion. And yet, her beauty is effortless. She is a natural diva. The look of a trans woman would be never over the top. But you would never see her turn up slovenly for a date or for an outing.
When you are with someone who gives importance to their physical appearance, it is natural that you start taking better care of yourself too. You start exercising; you dress up more stylishly and just generally pamper yourself more. And physical appearances are not so shallow after all. People who make effort to pull themselves together externally are also more at peace internally. They have good self-esteem. Such people are also more positive. If you are slovenly and careless about your appearance, it creates a certain negative energy web around. But if you are polished and well-groomed, you exude optimism.
It Can Make You Meet Your Soulmate
Most people go through many hit and trial experiences before they find their soulmate. And many a time, people are stuck in unhappy relationships simply because they closed themselves to other possibilities. If you date someone through your circle of friends or acquaintances, your options are limited. Thus, the likelihood of meeting someone like-minded is also very low. On the contrary, if you consider joining a dating site for transgender people, it opens up a whole new world.
Love is mysterious and unpredictable. It doesn’t follow a straightforward logic that if you are a cis guy, you would only fall in love with a cis woman. No, you can fall in love with anyone irrespective of whether they are straight or trans. And that is the beauty of love. You have more chances of finding your soulmate if you don’t restrict your dating preferences by a rigid criteria.
Dating a trans man or a woman doesn’t always have to be viewed through the lens of their gender identity. That is just an aspect of their life. They are unique, wonderful individuals like any other. So if you approach them with an open mind minus all that baggage, it will be a wonderful experience. And who knows, you might just end up meeting your soulmate!
Trans Dating Can Make You a Better Person
This is the best thing about dating a transgender person. The whole experience can make you a better person. In the long term, it increases your awareness of the issues surrounding the LGBT community in general. As you connect with your partner and their worldview, you will notice that there is a whole new world out there that needs to be understood and embraced.
You might even get involved with the cause of rights and issues of the transgender community and communicate their viewpoint to the world at large. Or you might choose not to get involved in the issue at a larger political or social level. But with a trans partner by your side, you certainly cannot keep yourself insulated from the issues and things that affect your partner’s life.
We all strive to become better person throughout our life. But not all of us get the opportunity. As they say, in order to evolve as a human being, one needs to go through a lot of grinds. Here you are lucky to not go through the grind yourself but to learn from the experiences of a partner who has faced a lot. And you stand with him or her in their personal battle; it also increases your social awareness manifold. You are not the same person anymore. You begin to observe things around you more closely and general issues like inequality and marginalization have a way more profound effect on you than they used to. All this is certainly great news for your personal journey as an individual.
Attracting a woman is no mean feat. It is literally an art form that requires patience, perseverance and dedication. No matter how good looking you are, a woman isn’t just going to fall head over heels in love with you on the first date. It doesn’t work like that! And when it comes to attracting a transgender woman, you need to work even harder.
A trans woman has often been at the receiving end of societal discrimination and hatred. So, it is but natural that she is extra cautious when it comes to evaluating men. When you begin chatting with her through a transgender dating site, make sure that you take it slow and steady. You have to win her confidence gradually.
In trans girl dating, it is important to follow a certain code of conduct. You need to keep a couple of things in mind while communicating with her and taking things forward. With the right attitude and approach, you can certainly attract a trans woman. This article lists a few tips that would help you impress your date and create the foundation of a beautiful and everlasting relationship.
Pay Her Genuine Compliments
All women love compliments. So, if you want to impress your trans woman, make sure you notice the minutest of things about her and pay her genuine compliments. Even while you chatting with her on a transgender dating site, comment on her positive attributes. Compliments about looks and physical beauty are the obvious ones but she will be even more impressed if you compliment her on her personality traits. It could be anything; her empathy, her communication skills, her confidence or even her general knowledge. If you notice little things about her personality and compliment her on those, she would appreciate that you are taking a genuine interest in her entire being. And that will definitely increase your appeal in her eyes manifold.
But you have to make sure that the compliments are genuine and heartfelt. If you literally bombard her with over the top, generic compliments, she would be able to see through your fakeness. So be attentive to her entire personality. If you are out on a date with her, notice how she is wearing her hair, what her dress is like, if she is wearing any jewellery. Women just love it when their men notice those little details. Compliment her on the way that particular lock of hair falls on her forehead and she would love it.
Be the Good, Old-Fashioned Gentleman
A trans woman is a super sensitive and well-groomed lady who truly values good social etiquette and behaviour. So, when you are out on a date with her, be a thorough gentleman. And it’s not just about how you behave with her. The greatest giveaway of a person’s character is the way he behaves with those socially inferior to him. So, make sure that you act courteous and polite with the staff if you are dating her in a café or a restaurant.
At the end of the day, good old chivalries never go out of fashion. Draw out that chair for her, hold open that door for her and just generally be courteous and make sure she is comfortable when the two of you are out on a date. In trans woman dating, it is these little gestures that matter.
Also, remember to be punctual. Punctuality might sound like an obvious thing but it can literally make or break a relationship. Just imagine meeting a trans woman for the first date and turning up half an hour later! No matter how far you had to travel or what kind of horrendous traffic jams you were stuck in, she is probably just going to walk off in anger. So, turn up 10 minutes before time but never later than the scheduled time.
Be Sensitive About Her Identity
Now, this is the most important factor in trans woman dating. Many trans women are scared of dating cis guys because these guys are only interested in her ‘trans’ identity. They are rude, insensitive and ask her uncomfortable questions about her transitioning. Please do not be that guy if you are looking for a serious, long-term relationship with a transgender woman.
There are some boundaries that you have to observe while dating her. Do not get obsessed with her ‘trans’ identity and make it the sole topic of conversation during your date. Just remember that she is a woman like any other, she is an individual with a unique aura and personality. So, try to connect with that individual. Build a conversation around her hobbies, interests, likes and all that. It’s just like you would talk to any other individual. Don’t exoticize her or put her in a special bracket just because she is a trans woman.
Even if you’ve been dating her for a while, it’s still not cool to ask her probing questions about transitioning or her body parts. If there is something she feels you should know, she would communicate on her own when the right time comes. But do not pester her with insensitive questions surrounding her identity.
A trans woman is super sensitive about her identity. And this is understandable considering the complex emotional and physical journey she has undergone to embrace that identity. She expects her partner to be with her in that journey and support her unconditionally. If you are sensitive about her identity, you would certainly find a solid place in her heart fairly soon.
Impress Her by Planning a Unique Date!
A transgender woman loves it when the guy takes a lead in planning out things. When you are well past the initial phase of communicating with her through a transgender dating site, it’s time to plan out an awesome first date.
Most guys don’t invest too much time or energy in planning out a date. They just seem to think that taking a woman out to any fancy restaurant, bar or café would do the trick. Well, this certainly won’t impress your trans woman. She is a creative individual whose head is buzzing with all sorts of ideas. It is therefore only natural that she expects her man to plan an ‘out of the box’ date.
So, take note of her hobbies and interests. Do some research on what all dates you can plan that incorporate those interests and then fix up something accordingly. If she is passionate about a certain kind of music, make sure you take her out somewhere where there is a live band playing that kind of stuff. That would certainly impress her. Or if she is into art, surprise her by taking her to one of the most happening art exhibitions of the town and then wrap up the date in style with a romantic meal at an artsy café.
Everybody loves a bit of surprise and unpredictability. That’s a natural human trait. And a trans woman has seen so much in life that she knows the importance of valuing somebody who makes a genuine effort to connect with her. So, if you spend time and energy creatively planning out your first date, you might just end up being her knight in shining armour.
Stand Up for Her
This is the most important factor to consider if you really want to win the love and respect of your trans woman. The most important criterion she looks for in a guy is that he should be able to stand up for her. You have to realize that it’s not easy to date a trans woman. When your dating gets serious, your own family might not approve of the relationship. Your friends and relatives might just disrespect her. You have to be prepared to stand firmly by her side in all those kinds of scenarios. You have to be mentally prepared to firmly tell your own family that they cannot disrespect your lady love.
When you are communicating with her on a transgender dating site, it’s just the beginning. Then you start going out on dates with her. When it starts getting intense and serious, that’s when she needs your unconditional mental support. And it’s not just about your friends and family disapproving of her. You have to take up her cause in front of the entire society if the need be. When you are out with her in a public place and someone disrespects her because of her trans identity, you are not supposed to sit quietly. She expects you to stand up for her self-respect and identity and tell off that person.
Looks, charm, physical attractiveness, all these things are surface. What a trans woman is really looking for is a genuine man with a heart of gold. She is looking for a guy who will never let her down, no matter what. So, if you give her ample reason to believe you are that guy, you would certainly be able to attract her and win her love and respect.
Transitioning isn’t easy. A trans person spends an incredible amount of their physical and mental energies in dealing with transitions. What’s worse is that it doesn’t change the perception of society overnight. Trans people are still vulnerable and victims of abuse. Considering all this, finding love as a MTF transgender woman can be a tricky proposition. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. Love is a beautiful feeling and we all got to experience it. The journey might be challenging but it’s definitely worth it.
The paths of all lovers are strewn with more thorns than roses but in the end, it’s all worth it. As a MTF transgender woman, you got to be flexible and open-minded. Too rigid an approach doesn’t work with dating. While it is important to be cautious in order to keep all those creepy, transphobic people at bay, you shouldn’t be prejudiced against anyone from the outset.
This article offers a couple of valuable tips and suggestions that would help you in your quest for finding true love.
Ask Yourself, What Kind of a Person You Would Want to Date?
This is the first question you have to ask yourself when you are considering dating someone. What kind of a person you would like to date? Are you very particular about dating straight cis men? Or would you rather date a FTM transgender guy? It’s also about understanding your own sexual orientation and preferences. Would you be keen on taking things forward with a lesbian?
It is important to ask yourself these questions before you actually begin to date someone through friends or by joining a trans dating site. It’s good to be open to different kinds of people but you got to figure out where to start. It gets easier when you have some sort of an outline of your ideal partner. Otherwise, the process can get vague and baffling.
Some people are very specific about the physical characteristics of their ‘would be’ partners. It’’ like some women are obsessed with the idea of a tall partner while others have specific racial preferences. As a MTF transgender woman, it’s very important to draw out a basic mental sketch of the kind of person you would like to be seen out with.
Do Not Be Too Rigid in Your Criteria
While it’s important to have certain criteria for the kind of person you would like to date, it’s equally important to be open to new possibilities. Do not tick off anyone you are attracted to just because they don’t fit into those criteria. The attraction between two people is the most mysterious phenomenon of the universe. No one exactly knows what propels that attraction. It’s not about similar personalities or interests either. It’s just this instant connection and sparks which you either get with a person or you don’t.
So, while dating a MTF transgender woman has to give ample concession to those mysteries and surprises of nature! If you feel connected with someone, try and go with the flow. Of course, self-respect is one thing you should never compromise. If a person isn’t sensitive about ‘trans’ identity, you shouldn’t entertain them even for a minute.
Try Out Online Dating
If you still haven’t met that special person in your life, the reason could be you were looking in the wrong places. When we try to date people through friends or family or acquaintances, the chances of finding a like-minded partner are quite low. In this kind of dating, we have access to a fairly limited number of potential partners. So, either you compromise on some quality or stay single, it’s that kind of scenario. That is why a MTF trans woman should try out online dating.
Online dating can get you connected with so many interesting people from all across the world. It gives you a greater window of opportunities in terms of the kind of people you can date. And it’s not necessary that you meet each one of them. You just start online chatting with people who interest you and then further narrow it down to a couple of prospective partners. Online dating gives you the flexibility of buying time. If you like someone but are not sure yet about a relationship, there is no pressure to meet them in real life. You could take things at your own pace.
So, joining a transgender dating site is a good starting point. There are many such dating sites for trans people. It’s of course important that you do thorough research before zeroing in on a particular site. Read the reviews on the internet and also ask your friends from the trans community about the best dating sites for trans people. Always check the credentials of a site before getting registered.
Be Your Original Self
There is no point in trying to put up a façade to impress someone. It’s simply not worth it. A person who will fall in love with you would accept you with all your supposed inconsistencies and flaws. So never try to create an airbrushed image of yourself in front of someone.
As a MTF transgender woman, you are proud of your identity. You also have a unique personality and individuality. The way you express your femininity is totally your call. Do not feel compelled to adhere to stereotypical notions of femininity in order to prove yourself a woman. You already are a gorgeous woman. And if someone has to love you, they will do so just the way you are.
Confidence and self-esteem are very attractive traits in a woman. Your date would be drawn to you like a moth is to a flame if you stand your ground and create your own rules.
Be Honest with Your Partner
This is the most important aspect of any relationship. You have to be 100 percent honest with your partner. They should have complete clarity regarding your gender identity. In fact, you should make it a point to tell your date everything about your ‘trans’ identity in the initial stages itself. As much as it is your right to have a partner who respects your identity, it is also your right to know your true identity.
If you hide such a crucial aspect of your life early on in the relationship, it would definitely create problems and conflict later on. Communicating your concerns to your partner and educating them about your identity would not only make your bond stronger but would also pave the way for greater acceptance of the transgender community within mainstream society. It’s possible that your partner knows little or nothing about the trans community. So, if you communicate with him on those lines, they will not just support you in your personal life but also highlight the cause of the LGBT community at a larger level.
Communicating your identity early on would also save you from a potentially ‘transphobic’ partner. So as soon as you start talking to someone through a transgender dating app and things begin to get serious, tell them clearly about your gender identity. While you certainly don’t want someone to get obsessed with you being a transgender woman and treat you like a fetish, you also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even accept your identity.
Have Realistic Expectations
A MTF transgender woman has seen a lot in life. During transitioning, she has literally been through a roller coaster ride. So, she obviously wants a partner who supports her in every possible way. But she also has to be realistic in her expectations.
If you are dating a cis straight guy who has never dated a trans woman before, you have to give him some time to get used to your identity. This is not to say that you should put up with a rude and insensitive guy. But if there is a cool and sensitive guy who is trying to understand you as a person, be patient with him. Do not expect him to champion the cause of the transgender community during the first couple of dates itself. That would be too much to expect. He is getting to know you as an individual so just go with that flow.
You have to also understand that you it can’t be always about you and your issues. A successful relationship is one that has a fine balance of priorities. Maybe, he has had a bad day at work or perhaps, he is just too tired. In such a scenario, if you start with your problems and woes the moment he drops in, he might not look interested. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he is rude or inconsiderate. He might be having his own issues. So, get involved in his life as well and have realistic expectations from the relationship. A great relationship is one that builds up gradually. So, take it slow, steady and be sensitive to the needs of your partner as well.
First dates are always special. There is this element of surprise; you get butterflies in your stomach just imagining how it would be. You can literally close your eyes and imagine a fairy-tale unfolding. Such is the innocent excitement and idealism of a first date.
As a transgender man, it’s a beautiful feeling when you ask out the girl of your dreams and she says yes. No wonder you are on cloud nine. But there is a lot more groundwork to be done yet! How you plan out your first date is what matters most. As the adage goes, first impressions are the last impressions. So, you should leave no stone unturned in making your first date unique and special.
If she has a good time during the first date, she would certainly want to go out on a second date with you. It’s as simple as that. But for that magic to happen, you have to invest some time, energy and creativity in planning out the date.
Below are some tips that would help you plan out an awesome first date for the girl who makes you go weak in the knees!
Be Creative in Planning Out the Date
This is most important. You can’t just take her out anywhere. A trans man taking out his crush on a date for the first time needs to invest some thinking into where he can take her. Everyone goes out on dates to fancy and expensive restaurants and cafes. There is nothing new about that. If you want to impress your girl, plan out something that is new, exciting and matches her hobbies.
If she is a dancing queen, get to know what kind of music she likes dancing to and take her someplace they are playing a live band along those lines. If your date is into books and reading, try to search for a café that also has a library or a bookshop attached to it. And take her out for a daytime date to that place. If you know for sure she is the clubbing rockstar, take her out to the best club in town. Or else maybe, she is too much of a nature lover. In that case, take her out to a garden café, a restaurant that has a terrace with a stunning outdoor view or take her out to a quaint, little pub in the mountains where the two of you can take a refreshing walk after the meal.
If you are creative in planning out your first date, she is going to love it. Women appreciate these little surprises. Your date would certainly notice that you put in so much effort in planning out that date and figuring out her likes and preferences. If you ask her out for a second date, she is probably going to say yes!
Be a Good Planner!
This is very important. Now that you have figured out where to take her, the next step is to plan out everything really well. We might have the best of ideas but unless we execute them, it’s no use. As a transgender man, you got to make sure that you’ve got everything figured out well in advance, the venue, how to get there, the amount of time it would take in getting from one place to another if you have 2,3 places on your itinerary.
When you finally go out on a date with that gorgeous woman you met through a transgender dating site, you don’t want to be embarrassing yourself with last-minute glitches. The whole thing should be effortless and smooth. Everything has to be so perfect that she completely forgets about the practical aspects of that date. And those practical things need to be taken care of by you.
Be a Gentleman When it Comes to Expenses
As a trans man, it is important that you bear the expenses of the first date yourself. On subsequent dates, the two of you could split the bills or work out a mutual arrangement, if the need be. But as a gentleman, you shouldn’t let your lady spend any money on the first date.
Even if she insists, just explain to her gently that you asked her out and therefore, you are going to take care of all her expenses. It’s not about money but it is certainly about gentlemanly behaviour and these little courtesies that women appreciate.
Money is not a big deal but if you take care of all her expenses on the first date, it shows that you value the lady.
Be at Your Best Behaviour
Good manners cannot be faked. But when you are with a lady you fancy, you obviously make an effort to be at your best behaviour. As a trans man going out on a first date with someone, you ought to remember that your prospective lady love would be closely observing your behaviour during the date.
Make an effort to pay attention to whatever she is saying. Be courteous and polite. Also, be a bit restrained when it comes to flirtation. While she won’t mind subtle and tasteful flirtation, anything over the top might make her feel you are too desperate or creepy. So, keep it cool and balanced.
Your body language plays an important role in how others perceive you. Be confident and relaxed. Avoid fidgeting too much. Also, look directly into the eyes of the lady when you are speaking. When you have the courage to look into someone’s eyes while you are talking, it shows your intentions are good and honest. On the contrary, if you cannot look directly into a person’s eyes, that gives the impression of a somewhat shady character. Just remember that in trans girl dating, it's these little perceptions that matter. Also, when it’s a date, it’s also romantic to look into the eyes of the woman of your dreams. Maybe, you two get a bit carried away and keep looking into one another’s eyes all evening.
Finally, good behaviour is not just about how you behave with her. It’s also about how you behave with others around you. The way you speak to the staff at your date venue tells a lot about your character. If you are arrogant and impolite with them, she would obviously judge you. So, keep that in mind.
The Good Old Candlelight Dinner Never Goes Out of Fashion!
Women are creatures of romance. They love a fairy-tale setting when it comes to spending time with someone special. There is something eternal and otherworldly about the idea of love so it is a somewhat fantastic, magical setting that can indeed do wonders for your first date.
If you cannot figure out anything else for your first date, take her out for a candlelight dinner! That’s one clichéd idea that always works. Dim lights, beautiful and laid-back music, some champagne, chocolates and flowers, this is the stuff of every girl’s dream. It is the deepest desire of every woman to be treated like a princess. A woman is capable of such dreamlike delicacy and love but first, she wants you to prove that you are worthy of it.
So, take her to a nice restaurant and surprise her with a candlelight dinner. Surprises are always good. Maybe, do not inform her in advance that it will be a candlelight dinner. She would be even more impressed if you pre-order a cake with her name on it or maybe a nice, little quote about how you like her. And then make your princess cut the cake, while the two of you are out on the candlelight dinner date. Your lady would absolutely love this. Also, make it a point to give her some gift when you meet her. It could be flowers, perfume, anything. The cost of the gift doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s the feelings that are important.
Take Special Care of Her Safety
This is most important. You have to take special care of the safety of your woman during and after the date. If you are in a crowded place and some guy is making her, feel uncomfortable, you should be able to stand up for her. While she obviously doesn’t expect you to pick up a fight, she does expect you to tell off that guy politely but firmly.
Women these days are independent and capable of protecting themselves for sure. It is certainly not about patronizing her. But as a trans man, standing up for your woman shows that you care for her. A woman wants to be with someone who can take control of things when they get messy. Imagine being at a restaurant and your woman feeling uncomfortable due to something and you just sitting in a corner, watching quietly. What kind of impression it would create? She would probably never see you for a second date.
Taking care of your date’s safety also involves making sure she gets back home safely. We still live in a patriarchal society, unfortunately so women’s safety is a concern, especially during late night. If she is uncomfortable about the idea of you dropping her home, book her a cab but keep a tab of her journey. Talk to her over the phone till she gets back home safely.
You might impress a woman with flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinner but when she gets to know that you genuinely care about her wellbeing, that’s when her heart starts melting.
Hormone Replacement Therapy:
All you need to know about Hormone Replacement Therapy. In our last videos, we covered how to start an MTF transition, and as we promised, in this video we will explain to you what is Hormone Therapy and what are the necessary requirements to undergo such a therapy.
Hormone replacement therapy (HRT), otherwise called menopausal hormone therapy (MHT) or postmenopausal hormone therapy (PHT, PMHT), is a type of hormone therapy which is utilized to treat side effects related with menopause in women. These side effects can incorporate hot flashes, vaginal decay and dryness, and bone misfortune, among others, and are caused by lessened levels of intercoursehormones in the menopausal period. The primary hormonal solutions utilized in HRT for menopausal indications are estrogens and progestogens. A progestogen is typically utilized in the mix with an estrogen in ladies with flawless uteruses in light of the fact that unopposed estrogen treatment is related to endometrial hyperplasia and growth and progestogens keep these dangers.
The 2002 Women's Health Initiative (WHI) of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found dissimilar outcomes for all reason mortality with HRT, observing it to bring down when HRT was started before, between age 50 to 59, yet higher when started after age 60. In more established patients, there was an expanded frequency of heart attacks, and stroke, and breast cancer although a reduced incidence of colorectal cancer and bone fracture and bone fracture. Some of the WHI discoveries were again found in a bigger national investigation done in the UK, known as the Million Women Study (MWS). Because of these discoveries, the number of ladies taking HRT dropped precipitously. The WHI prescribed that ladies with non-careful menopause take the most reduced plausible dosage of HRT for the briefest conceivable time to limit related dangers.
Isis King is an American actress, fashion designer, and top model. Isis was assigned male gender at birth. However, she has stated that individuals may allude to her as transgender. She was the first transgender female to content on the show and became one of the most visible trans individuals on TV.
Isis King had been runway modeling for a long time before partaking in America's Next Top Model. Isis is one of a small but growing number of transgender people and characters in film and television, and her inclusion on America's Next Top Model has been called an "unprecedented opportunity" by Neil Giuliano, president of Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. By contending on the show, she has focused on national and prime time issues of sensual orientation changing and intercourse expression.
New York magazine noted that King is one of few transgender models in history to rise to public prominence, comparing her to Teri Toye, former club kid Amanda Lepore, and the gender-bending club promoter and model Andre J. Isis King is a practicing Christian and attends Mosaic Church in Los Angeles.
He Born to Dominican parents, New York local, Laith Ashley propelled his career with a monumental campaign for Barneys New York, shot by Bruce Weber. Making his introduction as one of the primary trans male models to ever show up in a national campaign, was just the start.
A graduate of Fairfield University, he studied psychology with a focus in research, religion, and law. Laith started his transition at the end of January 2014 and found that modeling constrained him to confront himself in ways he never envisioned. Laith was the main male model on Oxygen's TV show, 'STRUT' and has been highlighted on a few covers, including Attitude magazine.
He has strolled in fashion shows for major designers and has been highlighted in Vogue Hommes. A defender for social equity, Laith has done incalculable interviews, empowering social change and advocating for equitable rights for LGBT people, and additionally speaking on the significance of decent variety at universities in the US and abroad.
There is a side to Laith Ashley that presently can't seem to be seen by the majority. A born entertainer, Laith is a vocalist, a songwriter, and dancer. His greatest dream was to impart these endowments to the world, and now he at long last will.
