Serenity's blog
Many MTF trans woman finds it difficult to fully embrace their femininity. This is understandable given that most of them grew up as men and, therefore, were accustomed to manly behaviors. To fully embrace your femininity as a trans woman, you must constantly strive to be more ladylike. You must think and behave in a womanly fashion, and you must drop any traits that make you look less feminine.
Being feminine is often described by traits such as gentleness, elegance, stylish, and respectful. If you want to get a head start on your journey to embracing femininity, you need to cultivate some of these traits. To make sure you’re on the right path, below are some pitfalls you need to avoid as an MTF trans woman.
Being Too Aggressive
Growing up as a man might have made you a bit aggressive in response to negative situations. However, you need to put a leash on your aggression if you want to be more ladylike. This requires a certain degree of self-discipline. In fact, one of the vital qualities of a woman is self-control. A woman rarely engages in minor fights that could develop into something worse. It is better to walk away with your dignity still intact than to walk away with both your dignity and your face in tatters.
Showing Too Much Skin
Every woman loves to feel pretty and hot. However, even though showing a lot of skin is becoming a fad, you should avoid it as an MTF trans woman By showing too much skin, you risk being trashy rather than classy and hot. As a rule of thumb, only show off one part of your body at a time. When you do choose to reveal a part of yourself, make sure to leave something to the imagination. Showing less skin not only gives you intercourse appeal but also helps you come across as classy.
Not Minding Your Ps and Qs
Embracing your feminine side requires you to be more polite and compassionate as well. You need to be respectful to everyone around you. Using polite words such as “please” and “thank you” will certainly help in this endeavor. Also, if you go to a party, avoid getting drunk or wasted. Being drunk and being ladylike are not compatible.
Not Grooming Yourself Properly
Being feminine requires a certain level of hygiene and grooming. It is recommended that you clean and dress suitably before going out. This includes being physically clean, wearing nice make-up, and dressing fashionably. Dressing stylishly and applying makeup properly will certainly help you give a lasting feminine impression to whomever you meet.
If you are an MTF transgender woman or are in the process of transitioning, looking good is probably high on your list of priorities. In fact, a transgender woman has a reputation for being fashion icons. They push the envelope when it comes to beauty and style. If you are an MTF trans woman and you want to spice up your appearance, one of the best places to start is your face. Your face is the first thing people notice about you, and it plays a major role in how feminine you are perceived. If you want to come across as feminine during a first impression, then you must learn and master the art of applying make-up. Below are some insightful tips that will help you learn to apply makeup appropriately and beautifully.
Research
If you are an MTF trans woman, you have probably made many adjustments during and after the transitioning process. Because you grew up male, there are some things you have to learn now in order to be a woman. Luckily, there is a lot of information available to help you become the female you always dreamed of. To be good at applying make-up, you must be knowledgeable about the ins and outs of it. Researching is a good way to sharpen your knowledge on how to apply make-up. Through researching, you will be able to learn important information, such as what brushes to use, the colors that complement your skin tone, and so much more.
Buy Quality Products
To apply makeup beautifully, you must first have the right tools and products. As mentioned above, you must first make sure that you know which brushes and products are the best. However, you should note that quality products come with a hefty price tag. However, they do not need to cost an arm and a leg either. The key is to invest in some expensive products and choose less expensive options in other areas. Quality brushes are one good set of products to invest in because they offer you more control when you apply your makeup. Quality brushes are also beneficial because they are more durable.
Never Ignore Your Eyebrows
Never make the mistake of leaving your eyebrows ungroomed. However, grooming your eyebrows does not necessarily mean that you pluck them. The point of eyebrows is to frame the face, so cleaning up wayward strands is all that is necessary. You can reshape and tame the rest of them with eyebrow wax.
Plump Lips
it is undeniable that fuller lips are sexier. To have full
lips without giving off a intercourse doll vibe, you should line the lips
slightly outside the natural line. Next, you should use a lip brush to fill in
your lips with your chosen lipstick. Then, powder the lipstick lightly and
carefully dust away from the excess. Finally, reapply the lipstick one more
time. This ensures that your color will remain vibrant even for a whole night
out. If you cannot seem to get the shape you want, visit a professional to
learn how to achieve the right look.
There is no cookie-cutter path to become a confident MTF Trans Woman. You will at times find yourself stumbling in your quest to embrace your femininity. When you stumble, find yourself envious, or compare yourself to other cis-woman, know that you are not alone. Many MTF Trans Women fall into the pit of comparing themselves with cis-women.
It is often said that comparison is the death of joy. In fact, it is one of the surest ways to lower your self-esteem. But how do you stop comparing yourself to others? Below are some valuable tips that will offer you an answer.
Realize that Comparing Yourself is Destructive
While comparing yourself to others is fairly normal behaviour, it can be self-destructive in many situations. This is because each person is their own worst critic, meaning when we compare ourselves to others, we tend to judge ourselves more harshly. The first step to stopping this behaviour is by consciously realizing that it is destructive. You may always find cis-women to be pretty, but their beauty has nothing to do with yours. You are beautiful in your own way separate from them.
Focus on Yourself
For you to make positive strides on your journey to embrace your femininity, you should compare yourself only to yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, smile more vibrantly than you did yesterday. Think about what you have achieved and all your potential for the future. When you compare yourself to yourself instead of other cis-women, you will be more appreciative of your uniqueness. Additionally, this process helps you feel good about yourself without necessarily having to think less of others.
Be Kind and Polite
The way you treat others often reflects the way you feel about yourself. As a result, showing compassion for yourself allows you to be more compassionate towards others and vice versa. If you tend to criticize other people, you will likely be more critical of yourself. However, if you are kind to others, you will almost certainly be kind to yourself.
Focus on the Positives
Every person has flaws. A guaranteed way to magnify your flaws out of proportion is by comparing yourself with other people. People tend to present the best of themselves to the outside world both in person and on social media. You are likely comparing your flaws with the best the other person has to offer; it is not a fair comparison. Instead of comparing yourself with other people, try to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and your life. Make it a habit to think positively about yourself and others.
People are very good at reading body language. They can tell whether you are confident in yourself or if you are tense and nervous just by looking at you. Additionally, male and female body language has some distinct differences in style. As a result, it is important to know what kind of body language is attractive as an FTM transgender male. If you understand and practice attractive body language techniques, you will not only build your confidence but also enjoy an unrivaled masculine image.
Understanding what constitutes as male body language and knowing the influence it has on other people can be very advantageous, particularly when you are dealing with women. If you want a woman to find you irresistibly attractive, then you must know how to project attractive male body language. However, it is worth mentioning that body language is only part of the equation. You must also develop an attractive personality. Below are some tips that will teach you how to display an attractive male body language.
Have Good Posture
Although it may sound cliché, good posture is the first step
to having attractive male body language. As an FTM trans guy, it is
important to have a good body posture because it creates an aura of confidence
around you. There is nothing more obviously unattractive than terrible posture.
Slouching as you walk and sit will only show people that you do not have
confidence. On the other hand, walking around with an elevated chest and
shoulders back will certainly make you feel and look more attractive and manly.
Slow Down Your Movements
Men that display attractive body language are sure of themselves. Their body movements are often precise and calculated. As an FTM transgender male, you should also try to act like this. You should slow down your body movement, as this makes you look more confident and natural. Try to make your movements smooth and graceful. This does not mean you should walk like a tortoise. It simply means avoiding running around like a headless chicken.
Eye Contact
A key aspect of good body language for both men and women is
eye contact. When conversing with other people, proper eye contact is one of
the main things they will immediately notice. To be an alpha male, you need to
know how to maintain proper eye contact with those you are talking with.
Additionally, this will certainly get you more points when conversing with
women. Looking down or averting your eyes when conversing with a lady will
reveal a lack of confidence. On the other hand, never blinking or holding eye
contact for too long can make your partner feel uncomfortable. You should learn
the difference between staring and maintaining proper eye contact. Coupled with
a smile, good eye contact will help you project attractive male body language.
It is said that women often have some difficulty when it comes to developing self-confidence. They tend to focus on building others up rather than helping themselves. For an MTF Trans Woman, things can be even more challenging. Therefore, it is important for MTF Transgender Women to take some time for self-confidence development. Luckily, self-confidence can be mastered via learning, and even if you stumble here and there, you can succeed if you persevere. Here are some tips that will help you bolster your confidence as an MTF Trans Woman.
Relax
The ability to relax can be advantageous when developing
self-confidence. First, you must identify the situations that trigger
nervousness. Once you know the types of situations that make you feel tense or
uncomfortable, you will be in a position to make adjustments so you can relax.
For example, if you know you are about to enter a situation that naturally
fills you with apprehension, try to think about happy things. The mental
distraction allows you to calm yourself and relax.
While mental relaxation is important, you also need to ensure that your body
posture is relaxed. You should relax your facial expression when talking to
people as well. Once you practice these tricks, you will not only be able to
relax but also be able to enjoy yourself even in situations that used to make
you tense.
Have a Positive Outlook
Focus on Your Strengths
Focusing on your good points is a great way to build self-confidence. In order to focus on your strengths, you must kill negative thoughts. It is especially important to be aware of your self-talk – the way you think about yourself. You should always avoid negative self-talk as it often has a negative impact on confidence.
Groom Yourself and Dress Nicely
Looking good often translates to feeling good. When you have confidence in your appearance, your general self-esteem also increases. On the other hand, nothing kills your confidence more than a messy, dirty appearance. However, dressing nicely does not necessarily mean that you need to wear expensive clothes. All you need are clean, well-fitting clothes that show off your best features.
When a transgender woman finally agrees to a first date, you will definitely be on cloud nine. However, now comes the tricky part: Where do you go on your first outing together? Being prepared for your first date is crucial to its success. The first date should be casual, but not so laid back that it seems unplanned.
Your first date with a transgender woman should give you a chance to chat and get to know each other more. Therefore, you should choose a place with a good atmosphere that gives the two of you a chance to converse freely. If you do not have any ideas for a good first date location, continue reading the following tips to find one.
Finding a Trans Girlfriend Online
This is the simple yet rewarding location for a first date. Choosing a good bar can be a little tricky, so choosing a location with a relaxed or intimate atmosphere is best. An ideal bar for the first date should be dimly lit and relatively quiet. This works well because it creates a good ambiance and actually allows you to hear each other during conversation.
Coffee Date
Meeting for coffee is another great first date idea. If you are on a tight budget, this is ideal because coffee is relatively inexpensive. The simplicity of a coffee date is another positive attribute because, with fewer variables, your date is more likely to end successfully. Given that coffee dates are almost always in the morning or afternoon, it makes things a bit more casual and friendly than an evening date. However, if you want to increase the romance, you can choose a coffee shop with a more intimate vibe.
Dinner At A Restaurant
A dinner date is one of the best ways to add a bit of romance to your first date with a transgender woman. Although this idea sounds like a no-brainer, many people actually get it wrong because they pick the wrong venue. For example, it is highly recommended that you avoid fancy restaurants because your date might expect nothing short of five-star treatment on every date. Keep things relatively casual, to begin with, and save the fancy places for special occasions.
Amusement Park
A day at an amusement park is another perfect first date
idea. It provides you and your partner with plenty of time to talk and have
fun. When people have fun, they tend to let their guard down. As a result, you
will get to know more about your date as a person. Additionally, unlike the
other ideas, being at an amusement park offers many opportunities for physical
contact with your date.
The internet has opened up a whole new world of magical possibilities, exciting permutations and combinations! Especially when it comes to dating, the online medium is indeed a blessing. It offers you the convenience of looking for the right person at leisure, from the vantage point of your own terms and conditions. When you are looking for a trans girlfriend, the internet is your saviour, quite literally so.
Finding a trans girlfriend offline is not easy, if not altogether impossible. However, finding a trans girlfriend online is not that difficult. You just need to know the right kind of dating sites featuring the profiles of trans women and you are good to go.
It’s always best to do some research beforehand. Given the sheer number of sites for transgender dating, it might all be a bit confusing for you initially. Everything might just appear a bit too overwhelming. But if you manage to do some preliminary research with a cool head, you will certainly figure out how to go about it.
This article is going to offer you a couple of tips that would help you find a trans girlfriend online. And these tips are hopefully going to make the whole journey of finding a trans girlfriend easier and exciting!
What Kind of Trans Girlfriend You Are Looking for?
Now even if you wanted to date a cis woman, this question would certainly pop up. When you are looking to date somebody online, you need to be specific in your criteria. It is not like walking into a random bar and striking a conversation with any woman that catches your fancy!
Online dating is certainly very different from that. So, if you are looking for a trans girlfriend, the next question you go to ask yourself is, ‘what kind of a trans woman am I interested in’? Are you looking for someone very young and possibly naïve? Do you have those romantic notions of dating a very young and impressionable trans woman and sweeping her off her feet? Or do you want to date somebody older and experienced?
Do you have any particular preferences in terms of looks – height, eye colour, figure, whatever? You also need to have a certain idea about what is it you are looking for in your prospective girlfriend mentally. Would you like your trans girlfriend to be a movie buff? Would you love it if she is as passionate about music as you are? Are you looking for a girlfriend who is a book lover? Basically, you need to figure out your own interests and then decide to what degree would you want these to be reflected in your prospective partner’s personality.
Before zeroing in on prospective trans dating sites, you also need to figure out certain practical points. Are you ok with dating a trans woman who lives in a geographically distant location? Or would you rather date someone who lives locally?
Most importantly, you got to figure out what kind of relationship you are looking for. Are you only interested in exploring the option of online dating and not taking it beyond that? Or are you seriously looking at meeting your prospective trans girlfriend offline at some point in time and then take it from there?
So, you need to ask yourself all these questions before you take to a specific dating site and start checking out the profiles of various trans women.
Check the Profiles Carefully
Now some people have this habit of just literally drooling over a profile pic they like and then not check anything else on the person’s profile! Do not do that! No matter how hot and irresistible her profile pic is, just a pic is not going to seal the deal for you. Do read her profile carefully, especially her ‘criteria ‘for a partner.
Has she mentioned very specific things about the kind of partner she is looking for? Or is she open to different kinds of people? If she is open to diversity, well and good. But if she is super specific about the traits she is looking for in a partner, express interest only if you closely fulfil that criteria. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time for both of you.
Also, do check if her age in her profile pic matches the age she has mentioned in her profile. This is crucial because if there seems to be too much of a difference, then you have no way to find out what she actually looks like now until you meet her.
Do a bit of Investigation from Your Own end
Now that you have figured out the exact site for dating a trans woman and are actually chatting with your prospective trans girlfriend, it’s about time for some investigation!
Many people have the habit of exaggerating their strengths and credentials online. Some even make up stuff. That is the issue with the online medium. You can be chatting with someone day and night, get absolutely carried away. And then when you finally meet them in person, you can be super shocked as to how on earth the two seem like completely different people in terms of behaviour and credentials.
So, you have to be constantly on your guard while chatting with your prospective trans girlfriend. This obviously doesn’t mean that you go nuts and ruin any beautiful, genuine conversation between the two of you. Communicate with the other person with an open heart and conscience. However, do keep an eye out for discrepancies. If they frequently say things during your chat sessions that stand at odds with the information they have mentioned on their profile, then these are the red flags.
Also, if you find the persona they are portraying while chatting as a bit too good to be true, then also it’s reason enough to be on your guard.
It’s better to be a bit careful while chatting with someone before you make the big move of asking out your prospective trans girlfriend offline!
Focus on Genuinely Connecting with Her
You have started chatting with a trans girl on the dating site. The two of you seem to be getting along well. It’s all good. So just try to build it up organically through chatting.
Do not rush into asking her out. Focus on creating a solid rapport. Get to know her at all levels. First, try to build some sort of intimate emotional chemistry with her. And when that chemistry is good enough, the two of you will meet offline. It will be a natural progression. But don’t force it. Let it happen organically.
Listen to Her Carefully
Now, this might sound clichéd but it’s a very important step in dating that most of us ignore. When we are communicating with someone online, we get so carried away by our emotions and thinking that we hardly listen to what the other person says.
If you have to win the heart of your trans girlfriend, listen very carefully to whatever she says. As a woman, she will love it when you pay genuine attention to whatever is saying. Try to remember minute details about the conversation you had with her during your previous chat session.
Seeing that you pay such close attention to the online time spent with her will make her genuinely admire you and desire you.
Do not ask her Uncomfortable Questions About her Past or her Body
You are looking for a trans girlfriend online. You have met an interesting trans woman and the two of you have gotten chatting. But you have no right to ask her uncomfortable questions about her body or her past life. Such questions would definitely turn her off. And it would also be rude and disrespectful by any stretch of the imagination.
She is a beautiful lady who deserves your genuine attention, love and respect. She is not some fetish who is out there to satiate your curiosity on what it is like to date a trans woman. So, maintain those boundaries. Do not ask her uncomfortable questions about her past. Interact with her as you would with any cis woman.
As your relationship moves forward organically, the chances are the two of you would meet offline as well. Even then, do not intrude into her personal space. If she has to share some things with you, she will do so whenever she feels like it. But do not like a hammer it into her head all the time that you are dying to know how it is like to be a trans woman. That would be utterly disrespectful.
If you follow the right approach while communicating with that special someone - your prospective trans girlfriend on a dating site, then who knows a beautiful life-long relationship might just be round the corner.
You just have to take things slowly, organically, not intrude into your trans girlfriend’s private space and be genuinely interested in what she says and how she says it.
Your dressing sense goes a long way towards people creating a certain image of you. It sounds clichéd but it’s true. Saying that you are essentially the clothes you wear would be probably going too far! But still, the clothes you choose to wear define your personality. As a FTM transgender guy, you can use your fashion sense to your advantage. The way you dress is very important for projecting a strong male image.
You are out there in the open now, eagerly waiting for the world to embrace your beautiful manhood. And that world, in evaluating your charisma as a man, is going to constantly check out what you are wearing.
However, the whole experience of buying men’s clothes can be intimidating for a FTM transgender guy. It’s a whole new experience for you. If you have a small body or big hips for instance, then you would think finding the right male clothes that would fit you well is even bigger a challenge.
But with a few tips and tricks, you will be ready to embrace your masculine self! And not just get by but perhaps come out with flying colours!
Buy Clothes that Fit You Well
This is the most basic and common-sensical tip for anyone. But still, people fail to follow this simple adage.
Many FTM transgender guys commit the cardinal sin of buying baggy, oversized clothing. They have the perception that bigger and looser clothes would somehow make them look bulkier and more manly. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Clothes that literally hang on your body just make you look boring and old.
So, it is important to buy clothes that fit you well. Not too tight but not overtly loose and baggy either. It has to complement your body.
This becomes even more important while you are shopping for jeans or trousers. Jeans too tight on the waist would look awkward and would also make you immensely uncomfortable while you are sitting down or simply moving around. Jeans too loose would also be totally unflattering to your body.
Well fitted clothes give the impression of a confident personality. As a FTM transgender guy, it is super important to appear confident and articulate. On the contrary, ill-fitting, baggy clothes give the impression of someone who doesn’t take care of themselves.
Remember that as a FTM transgender guy, perception goes a long way towards people accepting you in your manly image. And well-fitted clothes help create that perception.
Do not be Conscious about Your Size
Do not stress over your body supposedly not fitting a generic male body parameter. Rather, dress according to your body type and you are bound to look good.
If you have a somewhat smaller body, do not get conscious of it. Just look for clothes in the boy’s section. Well-fitted clothes give the impression of a fit, toned body, irrespective of one’s body size. So, if you are very small size, do not get obsessed with getting bigger. Just find the right clothes that complement your body type.
If a FTM transgender guy has bigger hips that can also become a cause of concern while shopping for male apparel. Men’s trousers usually don’t have room for big hips. But it’s not impossible to find one that would sit well on your hips. So, no matter what, do not get conscious about your size. Always buy clothes that fit you well, even if that involves putting in a bit of extra hard work!
Just remember that if you buy trousers with the right cut, you can minimize the appearance of a heavy waist. Taper cut pants are also a suitable option for a FTM transgender guy with larger thighs.
Yet another trick is to move a size or two up with the waist but opt for a trend like skinny fit. This would make the trousers sit beautifully on your legs while hiding your waist.
So, whether you are a small guy or unusually big by general standards, do not get nervous and do not lose confidence. There are all sorts of sizes available these days. As long as you don’t get obsessed with the idea of forcefully trying to change your size or body type, you will be fine.
Your Clothes Should be Your Personal Statement
Now, everyone is unique. And that is precisely why no two people look the same, even if they have put on similar-looking clothes! As a FTM transgender guy, do not feel compelled to copy the fashion choices of cis guys or anyone else, for that matter. Create your own fashion statement.
Have fun with what you wear. If you like colours bring on the blues, reds, pinks, whatever! If you are enamoured by anime, video games, let your t-shirts showcase that side of yours. You don’t have to resign yourself to wearing boring whites and greys just because you want to project a certain male image.
As a FTM transgender guy, you are certainly projecting a male image. But one that’s uniquely you. And the man who is not afraid of being himself takes up his sexiness quotient by a few notches!
So just remember that your sartorial choices should be an extension of your personality.
Use Clothes with Patterns to Your Advantage
Now, this is a practical necessity. As a FTM transgender guy, it is important to hide or camouflage any bumps on your chest. So, you have to super careful while wearing t-shirts with patterns or stripes.
A golden rule to follow in this case is: the more random or asymmetrical the pattern is, the better it is. A random or asymmetrical pattern with help you camouflage the bumps in your chest area better. When the pattern is not symmetrical, the human eye gets somewhat confused. Such a pattern would then not draw overt, exclusive attention to your chest area.
So, buying clothes with patterns is great. But you have to be careful as to what kind of patterns are these and if you can use the design to camouflage any bulge on your chest.
Check Out What FTM Trans Icons are Wearing
Now, this is an exercise that can be both fun and inspiring! You can check out the profiles of FTM trans icons on social media sites like Instagram and check out what they wear, how they carry themselves.
As a FTM transgender guy, following a celebrity who has probably had the same share of struggles as you can be a major confidence booster. There are times when we need role models to fall back on not because we are not sure of ourselves but simply because we perhaps need a new perspective to look at our own self.
Gender is a societal construct. It enables people to assign a particular set of characteristics and attributes to a person based on their biological makeup. Many people think gender is biological. But it is simply not. There are people who are born as female biologically but they identify with the male gender. They begin to experience gender dysphoria at some point in time.
Those who experience gender dysphoria get abrupt mood swings; they get anxious for no visible reason at all. Life becomes very difficult for them as they are unable to fathom the source of their unhappiness. They are often diagnosed with mental illnesses and put on medication.
It is only when they realize that the source of all their agony is their biological gender which is different from the gender, they mentally identify with that they start considering some action to live the life they have always wanted to live.
Not all of them take the path of surgery to transition from female to male. Some try to change their look and appearance by dressing and overall behaviour. Irrespective of their biological makeup, they come out as a man in front of society.
But many choose to medically transition from a female to a male. A medical transition increases their chances of passing off as a male in society by multiple times. It also makes them somewhat less vulnerable to societal discrimination and abuse as they develop the outward manifestations of the gender they mentally identify with.
Gender Reassignment Surgery enables this transformation from female to male. There are many components of this surgery. There is the Mastectomy or top surgery that is typically the first surgical procedure performed on somebody who wants to transition from female to male. Many people opt just for Mastectomy and escape other procedures altogether.
Mastectomy helps in getting rid of the unwanted breast tissue and gives your chest that flat, manly appearance. There are a number of techniques involved in this procedure. Depending on your body structure and the results that you are looking at, a combination of these techniques may be utilized.
Then, there is the bottom surgery known as RFF Phalloplasty. In this surgery, the skin and veins from the forearm are used to construct a male phallus. There is another technique known as ALT Phalloplasty that can also be used to create a male penis. This technique utilizes skin and vein from the thighs instead to construct a male phallus.
Then there are other procedures also which a person transitioning from female to male might choose to undertake. There is Facial Masculinization Surgery and there is Body Masculinization Surgery.
Facial Masculinization Surgery has a set of procedures that can be used to give a more manly and chiseled appearance to the face. Body Masculinization Surgery is ideal for those who want to transform their body type to a more masculine type. It is a kind of liposuction technique that reduces a feminine hourglass figure and creates a masculine physique. This procedure can get you quite close to the ideal male figure that includes broad shoulders, trim waist and very less body fat in the lower body.
The medical procedure is just a part of transitioning. Transitioning from female to male is a complex process that has a social and psychological angle to it. You have to totally transform your identity in front of society. And for that, you have to mentally very strong, confident and be proud of your new identity.
There are a couple of tips you can follow in order to make your journey from female to male easier and less hassle-free.
Be Proud of Your Identity
You have to accept yourself before other start accepting you as a man. Societal discrimination and apathy are a part and parcel of transitioning. Do not let that intimidate you. You have to tell yourself that it’s perfectly normal to identity with a gender that is different from the one assigned to you at birth time.
Once you are comfortable with your identity, it’s important to go even a step ahead and celebrate it. Remember that you are unique and different. And it’s the habit of society to criticize everything that is unique and out of the box. But once they realize how valuable that thing is, they get crazy about it. That’s the way society works. So, once you start becoming proud of your identity and begin to revel in it, societal apathy will mean nothing to you.
People who are trying to make you conscious will shut up because you are not getting conscious! Accepting yourself is the first step in your journey of transition from female to male.
Begin Your Transformation by Coming Out
People in your immediate circle need some time to get used to the male you. Your new life as a male might be unexpected for your friends and family, even if they support your decision. So, start by coming out as soon as you can. Take folks who are close to you into confidence. Tell them clearly about your newfound identity and the life you are going to live from now on.
This might be difficult because you might have a family that has issues with your identity. You are probably scared that they will not accept this. Well, you have to learn to be a bit tough here. It’s your life and your choice. You can try and convince your family for sure but you have to be willing to go solo. For someone who has a woman’s body biologically, declaring that from now on, they are going to live and behave like a man in front of their family is not going to immediately get them the understanding they deserve.
Your family might be even hostile to you when you come out in the open. So be prepared for anything. It is very important to have a set of people who genuinely support you and your identity. These people will become a bridge between you and society. They can be your friends, relatives, family members, anyone.
But it’s important to come out in the open with your identity because even after your transformation, your friends and family will take time to get used to the new you. Social acceptance will be a slow process. You have to just keep going on. Do not be disheartened by temporary troubles or roadblocks. As long as you are consistently embracing your new life as a male, it’s all good.
Start Dressing and Behaving Like a Guy
This is a very important component of your transitioning. Even if you are mentally prepared to undergo a transition and have come out in the open, it can be very difficult to discard those old mannerisms you have been so used to.
You feel like a guy. You know it in your heart that you are a man. But if you continue to dress in women’s clothes, people around you would obviously not accept your masculinity. So, it is important to change your outward appearance too.
Begin to dress in men’s clothes. Start observing the behaviour of guys around you. Pay attention to their facial expressions, body language, the way they walk. These little cues will help you learn how to project a masculine image.
The internet too can give you a lot of information on how to incorporate masculinity in your day-to-day behaviour. For buying men’s clothing, check out what other guys on the street are wearing. And then pick clothes that would suit your appearance and build and would highlight your masculinity.
You might feel a bit awkward at first but if you keep at it, you will soon get used to it. And there will come a time when behaving like a man will come naturally to you. It won’t seem like you are acting or trying too hard. You already felt like a man in your heart. But with time, you will automatically start behaving like one externally as well.
Look for Professional Help
Your physical transformation is a very important part of transitioning. Of course, whether you want to undergo a medical transformation or not is totally your call. But if you are constantly anxious about not looking like a man enough physically, then surgery can help you get rid of that confusion.
You should first consult a therapist who would help you figure out the emotional and psychological problems you might be going through. The idea of transitioning from female to male can throw anyone’s mind into chaos and confusion. It’s a difficult state to be in. Your body is craving for an identity that is different from the biological identity assigned to you at birth. All this can get very complicated for your mind. So, a therapist will help you with the emotional and mental aspect of your transitioning.
Then you should look for a reputed and professional doctor who can offer you the best advice on the probable route you should follow for physical transformation from a female to male.
Dating can be a tricky business. It’s like taking a chance with somebody and then trying and figuring out if the two of you share a common language. It’s like going for a long boat ride with a complete stranger and then gradually fathom that stranger. Romance, passion, understanding; you will have a lot of such expectations from that stranger. But it takes a while to figure out how it will turn out. However, if you are enamoured by a FTM transgender guy and can’t wait to date him, things can be even more challenging.
While dating a FTM trans guy, you can’t just take anything for granted. And if you have only dated cis guys before, this is definitely new terrain for you. You are nervous, excited, everything. However, if you follow a couple of tips while dating a FTM transgender guy, you are going to be alright. If you are lucky, then maybe not just alright but you are totally going to rock in your new founded quest for love!
FTM Trans Guys are Unique and Different
Now just because you are dating a FTM transgender guy, that does not mean you can assume that all transgender guys are carbon copies of each other. You cannot just read stuff about FTM trans guys from the internet and then uncritically apply it to your man.
It’s not that straightforward. Just like all other guys, they come from different backgrounds. Their race, religion, culture, etc. is bound to influence their personalities and behavioural patterns, pretty much as it happens in the case of everyone else.
So, you have to treat your trans guy as a unique person with a distinct individuality and try and figure him out naturally and organically. However, it is also important to realize that all FTM trans guys have different transitioning periods. His transitioning period has a massive impact on his behaviour and moods. You have to keep that in mind while dating a trans guy.
Having said that, you have to walk that tightrope between understanding his nuances and yet, treating him like a regular guy. You have to understand that your trans guy’s sexual, romantic, social and emotional needs are going to be the same as anyone else. The need for optimal emotional and sexual fulfilment in a relationship, the craving for romance, all these expectations are natural in any relationship. But at the same time, you need to consider that his needs might be different from the cis guys you have dated before.
Be Prepared to Face Labels and Stereotypes About Your Relationship
Now, this can be a bit tricky to handle. But with a bit of maturity and understanding, you can get past this phase. Since you are dating a FTM trans guy, it is quite possible that others will judge your relationship. They might label you as ‘gay’. That’s just the ‘not so favourable’ baggage that comes with dating a trans guy and you have to learn to handle it.
It is natural that you might get terribly angry at people labelling your sexuality just because of your partner’s identity. It will seem cruel and insensitive. But you have to learn to live with it. You cannot change societal perceptions overnight. But with a bit of tolerance, you can totally prevent it from affecting you or your relationship.
You just have to remember that any relationship is an intimate and beautiful bond between the people concerned. As long as you and your trans guy are discovering love, passion and emotional intensity in your relationship, you shouldn’t be bothered by anyone else’s opinion on it.
You Have to be Prepared to Support Your Trans Guy
This can be the most challenging and yet the most beautiful part of your relationship. And it is no different from any other relationship. Everyone has certain issues, some vulnerabilities that need to be addressed. We all are incomplete in ourselves which is precisely why we need a relationship. There are times when we need to constantly hear,’ hey you are wonderful. You are the best.
It is pretty much the same with your FTM trans guy. Transitioning is a challenging business. It takes up a lot of his mental and emotional energy. So, it is natural that it can create abrupt mood swings and emotional issues that only a loving partner can address.
Coming out in the open as a transgender guy can be daunting. There are times when the families of trans guys are outrightly hostile towards them. That is why it is so important for you to support your transgender man.
Make Him Feel Great About His Masculinity
Being a FTM trans guy comes with a lot of in-built expectations. And sometimes, these expectations can take a toll on your trans man’s mental and emotional health. That is why it is so important for you to make him feel great about his body, his sexuality and his masculinity.
The masculine feel is very important for a FTM trans guy. Even after transitioning, he faces the constant pressure to appear masculine and macho in a certain way. Therefore, as a partner, you need to constantly compliment him on his masculine appearance, his clothes, maybe that tough macho look in his eyes, his specific body odour that makes you go haywire.
If his quest for the ultimate manliness is supported and adored by his partner, nothing else can make him happier on earth.
Communicate and Find out What Turns Him On
Communication is paramount to any relationship. And especially when you are dating a transgender guy, it becomes even more important. You cannot just presume things that he will enjoy this or that. Make sure you have a candid conversation about what turns him on, what are his sexual needs.
He might have a certain grey area you should probably avoid while getting intimate with him. But there is no way you are going to figure that out unless you ask. For example, some FTM transgender guys might not enjoy certain sexual contact that is normative for female-bodied folk. You have to understand that transitioning is a tough battle physically and mentally. So, he might even be uncomfortable and nervous about certain aspects of the female anatomy. Again, there is no magic wand that is going to make you realize all of this. The only key is one on one, candid communication with your transgender guy.
And it is ultimately the same as any other relationship. Every partner has some preferences, some things they like while getting intimate, certain things they don’t like. Intimacy cannot be built by racing along a dark alley! You have to take it forward slowly and gently, figuring out your partner’s needs and likes along the way. And all that is going to make intimacy even more beautiful and worthwhile.
Do Not Obsess Over His Trans Identity
This is the most important tip to remember while dating a FTM transgender guy. You know that your partner is transgender and accordingly, there are certain things that you will keep in mind. All that is great. But at the end of the day, you have to treat him the way you would any other cis guy. No one likes being made acutely conscious of their identity again and again. That is rude and disrespectful. So, you have to take your relationship forward in a natural and organic manner. When you are out with him when the two of you are talking or having a great time together, reminding him of his ‘trans’ identity all the time is just not cool. And it’s even irritating for him.
You have to figure out your trans guy’s unique needs very subtly and gently. But that does not mean that the sole defining point of the relationship is that he is ‘trans’. You have to take it forward like any other romantic relationship. Candlelight dinners, evenings in the pub, walk on the moonlit beach, a quiet movie date at his place or your place, all the usual stuff that relationships are made of.
Do not Ask Him Uncomfortable Questions About His Past Life
Transitioning is not easy, as it is. It is like discarding an old life and embracing a new one that you have always wanted. When your trans guy is focusing all his physical and mental energies on being the complete man, the last thing he wants is uncomfortable personal questions that take him back to his past life.
Honesty is certainly a key to any good relationship. But there are certain boundaries. And you cannot breach those boundaries unless and until the other person is willing. Maybe, at some point in time, he will himself open up about his past life. He might himself make you a confidante in his life history. But that is for him to decide. Just because you are dating him, you cannot keep on asking your trans guy uncomfortable questions about his past life.
Just let him be. If he has to share something with you, he will by himself. Take things forward slowly and gently.
