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Isis King is an American actress, fashion designer, and top model. Isis was assigned male gender at birth. However, she has stated that individuals may allude to her as transgender. She was the first transgender female to content on the show and became one of the most visible trans individuals on TV. 

Isis King had been runway modeling for a long time before partaking in America's Next Top Model. Isis is one of a small but growing number of transgender people and characters in film and television, and her inclusion on America's Next Top Model has been called an "unprecedented opportunity" by Neil Giuliano, president of Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. By contending on the show, she has focused on national and prime time issues of sensual orientation changing and intercourse expression. 

New York magazine noted that King is one of few transgender models in history to rise to public prominence, comparing her to Teri Toye, former club kid Amanda Lepore, and the gender-bending club promoter and model Andre J. Isis King is a practicing Christian and attends Mosaic Church in Los Angeles.

As a trans guy, you might feel that grooming is an overrated concept. In fact, it’s easy to be besotted and charmed by the idea of the rugged, hyper-masculine, beast-like male! While it’s all good to be rugged and masculine, personal grooming is a must. You don’t want to look like you just came out of a forest where you were living like for the past 100 years.

Though of course, in male grooming, minimalism is the key. But basic grooming is essential. When you come out in the open and start meeting people, it’s important to be presentable and well turned out. When you start dating someone, they are going to obviously judge you by your physical appearance. No matter how good-looking you are, if you have mouth odour or your socks are stinking, your date is certainly not going to be impressed.

Below are listed some personal grooming tips which every transgender man ought to follow.

Shower Every Day

To some people, this might seem like the most obvious thing to do. But there are others who have a habit of skipping shower every now and then. Especially if one lives in cold climatic conditions, they think they can get away with it. As a trans man, it is absolutely important to clean yourself every day. This is the basic etiquette of personal hygiene. An early morning shower is even better. It makes you look forward to the entire day. You feel fresh and rejuvenated and ready to face the world.

Then, showering regularly cleans all the dirt and impurities and also improves your skin. A lot of skin problems are simply an offshoot of bad personal hygiene. If you wash yourself thoroughly and regularly, the skin too is going to behave well.

And remember showering is not just about literally standing under a shower for 2 minutes and then running off! You need to invest time in cleaning your body and face properly. Always clean your feet using a pumice stone. Use a loofah for cleaning the body and pay special attention to private parts. One often neglects these while showering and this could lead to unwanted infections.

Choose a good quality body wash or a soap to motivate yourself to shower every day! There is such an awesome line up of personal grooming products both online and offline. You could even go for organic handmade soaps. These would ensure that you smell delicious after the shower.

 

 

Regular Shaving and Trimming is a Must

A clean-shaven look works very well for a trans man. But if you are after the rugged masculine bearded look, that’s cool too. But even then, make it a point to trim your beard and mustache regularly.

Pay extra attention to the hair inside your nostrils. It’s a common tendency to overlook this area. But when you are talking to someone face to face, it’s easy for them to spot that kind of thing. So if you want to save yourself from a potentially embarrassing situation, keep a tab on the hair overgrowth inside your nostrils. Trim these regularly.

Make it a point to trim your nails regularly. This includes nails of both hands and feet. Long nails would just attract dirt, gives your hands and feet an unsavory appearance unless of course, you apply nail polish and maintain them really well. But it’s best to just trim your nails and go for a basic, clean look.

You also got to pay attention to the eyebrows. Eyebrows define the entire face and give it a certain look. While as a guy, you certainly don’t need to get your eyebrows shaped at a parlour, it’s still a good idea to trim them regularly at home using tweezers if you have too much of growth. Also, white hairs peeping out of your otherwise perfect and luscious dark eyebrows can be a very embarrassing sight. So trim those regularly.

Good Dental Hygiene is a Must

You met a gorgeous woman through a transsexual dating app and the two of you are out on your first date. Things are going really good and there comes a moment when the two of you might just get to a sweet kiss. But then all of a sudden, she gives you an awkward expression and distances herself a bit. You wonder what happened? Well, in all probability, it could be your bad breath.

Bad breath is an embarrassment that many guys deal with. And it all boils down to dental hygiene. Make it a point to brush your teeth at least twice a day, once in the morning and another time before you go to bed. Tongue scraping is also very important. Before brushing the teeth, make it a point to use a tongue scraper to clean the tongue thoroughly. Bad breath occurs mostly because of the particles stuck on the surface of the tongue. Only brushing your teeth won’t solve the problem. Regular tongue cleaning is essential.

Flossing at least once a day is a very good practice. Any good quality mouthwash would suffice. Yet another trick for maintaining excellent dental hygiene is a practice called oil pulling. The practice basically involves taking a spoonful of edible oil like coconut or olive oil and then swish it around in your mouth for 10-15 minutes. When you begin to feel tired, just spit it out. This is an excellent practice that not only keeps bad breath at bay but also whitens teeth.

Pay Special Attention to Your Clothing

Clothing is the most important part of your physical appearance. Always dress in clothes that suit your body type and personality. A good rule of thumb is to go for clothes that fit just right – neither too tight nor too baggy. Also, dress according to the occasion. When you are going for an interview, avoid wearing flamboyant or colourful clothes. Stick to a proper suit or a pair of trousers in sober colours coupled with a collared shirt. Make sure you iron your clothes well! For casual wear, you can still get away but formal clothes look well shabby if not ironed.

Keep a tab on what other trans men are wearing. Check out a transgender blog and get to know about the latest trends in trans male fashion. Make it a habit to regularly subscribe to fashion magazines and keep a track of all the latest trends in male clothing. It’s about mix and match. Learn all about the latest fashion, observe all trends and then create your unique personal style statement.

Invest in Good Skincare Products

Good skincare products are a must for personal grooming. And contrary to the popular perception, these are meant not just for women. A trans man needs to invest in good skincare products for optimum personal grooming. To begin with, a good face wash is a must. He needs to wash his face twice a day with a good quality face wash. This keep oiliness at bay and the skin looks refreshed and rejuvenated at all times.

Then, a great moisturizer and sunscreen is a must-have. Post shower; start your morning routine by applying a moisturizer, followed by sunscreen. Many brands have sunscreens which also double up as moisturizers. So that is an alternative as well. Then you don’t need to go for two separate products.

You might dismiss these things as girly and feminine but these are the bare minimum basics of personal grooming. With time, the definition of masculinity has also undergone a sea change. Men are getting increasingly conscious of their looks and appearance. They are not longer embarrassed to apply creams and lotions and go for facials and pedicures. Many even go for waxing. As a trans man, how far you want to go with personal grooming is totally your call. But following a bare minimum routine is essential.

Select a Great Perfume or Cologne to Impress Her

In transsexual dating, grooming matters a lot. When you meet a beautiful woman on date, she expects you to look nice and smell nice. So it is important that you choose your perfume or cologne with great care. Just don’t pick up any expensive fragrance from the market. Try out different ones and then choose the one that complements your personality.

Also, make sure that the fragrance you choose is not too overpowering. A subtle fragrance with just the right balance of aroma will do the trick. You don’t want to smell like you just walked out of a store selling incense sticks or something.

Pay Attention to Your Shoes

Shoes are a much-neglected part of our overall appearance. We go to great lengths to select our dress for a particular occasion. The hairstyle, the watch, everything is just spot on. But often, shoes are the last thing people think about. And the funny thing is it is actually the first thing people notice about you when they see you.

As a trans man, always pay attention to the kind of shoes you are wearing and whether they go with your clothes. You should always invest in shoes that are stylish, yet uncomfortable. Shoes that are uncomfortable will hurt your feet and your walk will be awkward as well. Go for comfy shoes so that you can pull off that smooth swag.

As a FTM transgender man, you make so many efforts to look masculine and incorporate male behavioural patterns in your body language and communication. You pay extra attention to your wardrobe and the way you carry your clothes. Most FTM trans guys also take the Hormone Replacement Therapy in order to develop the physical attributes of manliness. But there is one area which might not seem like a dead giveaway but nevertheless, it is something that makes you conscious as a trans man. This is the crotch area. Since as a FTM trans guy, you do not possess the private parts of the male gender, this can impact your self-image and make you question your masculinity.

In order to overcome this discomfort, many trans guys resort to packing. Simply put, packing is the process of artificially creating a male-like bulge in the crotch area. It is a technique that simulates the crotch area of a man using various devices and aids. Packing is especially beneficial for those FTM transgender guys who haven’t undergone gender reassignment surgery.

Packers are available in different varieties, sizes, and price ranges. From the simplest of packers that literally just help create that bulge in your crotch area to more advanced ones that simulate the male reproductive organs with absolute dexterity, there is a wide variety of those available.

Although one has to understand than not all FTM trans men feel the need to pack. Some don’t feel the need for it at all, as the supposed absence of manliness in their nether regions doesn’t bother them. It does not affect their identity. But there are others to whom this can be a source of acute discomfort and anxiety. It is a part of gender dysphoria, also known as bottom dysphoria.

Many Transgender guys also choose to pack because it increases their chances of passing off as a man in public places and saves them from potential harassment. You might think that nobody really stares hard at your crotch area in a public place but if you are wearing tight trousers or fitted exercise lowers, the absence of a bulge can be obvious. Some people might choose to ignore even if they notice. But if someone creates an issue out of it, it can be embarrassing and also become a safety concern. Society is very prejudiced against transgender people. And it looks for opportunities to bully and trouble them. For many trans men, packing saves them from that potential harassment and sometimes even violence and abuse.

There is such a mind-boggling variety of packers available in the market that it is difficult to figure out which one to buy and where to start. This article gives you a couple of tips on how to pack as a transgender man.

Start Packing with a Sock

This is useful for trans men who want to pack but are not quite sure if it’s the right thing for them. Before buying a packer, you can actually start packing using a sock. This is a fairly common method in the trans community. It is inexpensive, easy to implement and you don’t have to worry about any side effects or skin infection.

Packing with a sock simply involves folding the sock in a certain way and placing it strategically inside your underwear so that a male-like bulge can be created. There are many tutorials available on how to pack with a sock online. You can do some research and check out with a transgender blog that talks about packing with socks.

Although this won’t give you a realistic-looking bulge in terms of resemblance but it’s a great way to start. Moreover, nobody really notices these things that carefully. If you check out the nether regions of a cis guy who is wearing jeans or trousers, you can just make out that there is a little bit of bulge. You do not really see the outline of the male reproductive organs as such.

Once you start packing with a sock, you will soon find out if packing is for you at all. And then once you are comfortable, you can ready yourself for buying a commercial packer.

Figure out Your Needs and Budget before Buying a Packer

There are so many different kinds of packers available in the market. It is important to figure out your specific needs and preferences before investing in one. Budget too is an important factor. Silicone packers are considered the best if you want a hyper-realistic packer that simulates the male genitalia with perfection. Silicone packers are considered the safest for prolonged skin contact. But again, the flip side is that these are generally quite expensive.

Then, there are foam packers which might be great for FTM transgender men who just want a manly-looking bulge without the look of a penis. The foam packer is pretty lightweight. It is also a good option for those who might be allergic to silicone.

As a FTM transgender guy, you also need to figure out the exact purpose of buying a packer. Do you just need it in the public or is it something you need for sexual pleasure as well? The kind of packing that you generally do for outdoors like when you are in a gym or a public place is known as soft packing. However, if you need packing specifically from the point of view of physical pleasure during lovemaking, hard packing will be your thing. Hard packing would incorporate something like a dildo or another prosthetic device that would be upright and erect.

While a hard packer is great for your love life, it would be awkward to wear one for daily use. You would just attract unwanted stares and attention in a public place if you sport one. So the best is to just use a soft packer on a daily basis and keep the hard one reserved for your lovemaking sessions. Also, hard packing can cause irritation in your private parts, so keep all that into account before buying one.

Then, there are STP Packers which can be especially useful for a FTM transgender guy as these will help you urinate while standing like a man. However, you need some practice before using this kind of packer. It can be awkward at first but you will soon get used to it.

You can interact with other trans men through a transgender forum and figure out which packer works best for them. Packing is an important part of your masculine identity and you shouldn’t be shy or embarrassed to ask questions on this topic.

Buy a Packer that’s Just the Right Size

As a FTM transgender guy, you might be tempted to buy a large-sized packer, thinking it will be an asset to your masculinity. But the reality is that would just look odd and would draw unwanted attention. Always buy a packer that’s just the right size keeping in mind your body proportions, not too big and not too small.

Well, if you do want to go for an oversized packer, that’s totally your choice. But it’s certainly not going to help you with the goal of passing off as a regular guy. Just try and judge the right size going by your own body proportions. If you are a tall and huge guy, then a large packer would actually complement your physicality.

You Could Also Consider Packer Specific Clothing

Packer-specific clothing is getting popular these days. As a FTM transgender guy, you could buy different kinds of underwear that are specially designed for packing. There are specific boxer briefs with pouches to slip in the packer. Such clothing can be useful to a trans man, especially while he is learning how to pack. This can save him the constant stress and worry that what if his packer slips off.

It Will Take a While to Get Used to Packing

Many FTM transgender men do not go for packing simply because it makes them feel uncomfortable in their private parts. You have to keep in mind that it will take you a while to get used to packing. The initial phase will be challenging. You might feel awkward walking. You might be conscious of the packer all the time and feel super stressed out in a public place thinking that everybody is just looking at you.

But there is no need to worry. After a while, you will get adjusted to packing and it will become a part of your identity. Just make sure you practice walking around with a packer on as much as you can. Not just walking but general activities like household chores, exercise, dancing, etc should also be practiced with a packer on. You could easily practice in your house. The idea is to get used to packing as much as you can before you begin to use it in a public place.

As a FTM transgender guy, remember that packing is not just about others noticing that there is a bulge in your crotch area. It’s about your own affirmation in your masculinity. Packing is supposed to help you with dysphoria and make you feel super comfortable and confident with your masculine identity. So invest time and energy in learning how to pack. Make it a part of your life.

When you’ve finally made peace with your identity and are ready to come out in the open as a trans woman, it’s a special moment of your life. You feel exhilarated and happy. But there still might be certain things bothering you. If you have a female partner who doesn’t know about your real identity, this can become a great source of stress. You have spent a considerable portion of your life with them. So they mean a lot to you. You definitely want to embark on your new journey but you don’t want to hurt them in the process. As a trans woman, you want your female partner to be a part of that journey. While this isn’t easy, it certainly is not impossible.

People who really love us do so unconditionally. It’s not just for looks or not even for our gender. When a relationship reaches a certain point, our partner begins to love us unconditionally. A sudden change in our life path might unnerve them but they will certainly walk with us through thick and thin. At the same time, a lot of understanding is also required on your part as a trans woman that this isn’t easy for your partner. The entire dynamics of your relationship will change. You will still be close but in different ways. So she will take her own time to digest all this. And you need to give her that time and space.

Coming out in the open as a trans woman is not the end of story for your relationship with another woman. Irrespective of whatever circumstances under which that relationship was forged, it has now become an integral part of your life. Your being a trans woman won’t make your love for your girlfriend or wife any less. So it’s important to be honest with them and not hide things. That is the first step towards reinventing your relationship while embracing your identity.

It can all seem baffling. But you can certainly save your relationship with a female partner after you’ve come out as a trans woman. This article tells you a couple of ways in which you can do so.

Give Her Time to Adjust to Your New Reality

You cannot suddenly announce to your woman that you are transgender. You need to do this slowly and gently. You can’t just bombard her with the news on the spur of a moment. You got to prepare the ground first and then slowly break the news. She might just not accept it at first but don’t lose all calm and panic. Give her time and her acceptance will come by.

The point is to be gentle, sensitive, and tactful. Remember it’s not just about you. It’s also about her life. This entails a big change in her personal life as well so she has got every right to take some time and think through things.

You should slowly start sharing your feminine side with her. First, she might feel awkward but then she would get used to it. If she gets upset or mad at your revelation, just don’t bring it up again for some time. Once you feel that she is in a better zone, things can be discussed again.

When you start dating someone, you don’t tell all about yourself in one go. You go step by step. It’s the same with communicating your identity to your wife or girlfriend. You have to work on it over a period of time. It just can’t happen overnight. If you are too hasty and impatient, you might just end up prejudicing them against you forever. And you don’t want that.

Assure Her of Your Love Repeatedly

When you communicate the truth of your identity to your wife or girlfriend, she might just feel betrayed. This is a natural thing to happen. So take time out to appreciate her and tell her how much you love her. This will reassure her of your unwavering commitment and sincerity, no matter what.

Take time out to express gratitude for how she has changed your life for the better. Remember the best of her qualities and remind her of those every now and then. When your partner sees how much you love and adore them, all their fears and insecurities will melt. And they will understand that your relationship is rock solid and nothing can come between the two of you.

Tell her that she will be the first one to know everything that’s happening in your life. There are no secrets between lovers. Assure her of that.

Do Not Freak Out if She Gets Uncomfortable

A relationship is always about two people. You might feel that you are the center of the world and there is nothing greater than your problems or issues. But that’s simply not true. For your wife or girlfriend, her concerns are very important and you have to respect that. Once you’ve communicated to her your identity, she might get uncomfortable around you.

It’s possible that she avoids you, doesn’t want to talk and withdraws into her own space. Do not judge her for that. Focus instead on how to positively deal with the situation. Try getting her involved in activities that the two of you enjoy like playing some sport together or watching a movie. Try to bond with her as usual and things will work out.

Above all, be patient. It’s a big change for her so she will get uncomfortable at times. Understand that and be empathetic.

Start Opening Up to Her Once She Has Fully Accepted You

Once your wife or girlfriend has fully accepted your identity, it’s time to open up about your new self. As a transgender woman, your personal life is going to be a certain way. You want to revel in your feminine side and are perhaps even considering medical treatment to develop the physical characteristics of the female gender. Whatever it is now is the time to start opening up to your partner. Once you feel she has really accepted you for good, start sharing all your deepest desires and plans for the future with her. Share your insecurities and fears too. This would make her feel special and valued as a partner since you are making her a witness to the deepest emotions of your heart.

Maybe, you want to join a transgender dating site and start meeting people. Communicate this to your partner. If she is uncomfortable with the idea, then just drop it for a while. Once you bring it up again, assure her that you are only looking for friendship, that you won’t go for anything sexual.

It’s a tough call. As a transgender woman, you might be tempted to get into a fling with a guy you met through a ts dating app. There is nothing wrong with it if your female partner is open-minded enough to accept this kind of liaison. But if they are not, then you have to observe restraint. At the end of the day, it’s all about your priorities. If saving your relationship is important for you, then you got to keep some boundaries. Communicate your needs and wants to her but also take her feelings into account.

Start Bonding With Her As a Woman

This might be difficult. She started dating you from a heterosexual perspective so she might not even be comfortable with that kind of equation. But if you think she has accepted your identity, there is no harm in trying. Try to develop your mutual chemistry as a woman. Bond with her over girly activities like trying out a new makeup look or hairstyle. Go to the salon together to get yourselves pampered with a manicure, pedicure, or hair spa. Or give each other a relaxing pedicure at home. This is a great way to initiate female bonding.

Go for ingredient shopping together and then try out new homemade skincare routines together. Again, all this is not as easy as it sounds because she is used to looking at you in a different way altogether. So go slow and gentle. But once she starts bonding with you as a woman, a different kind of chemistry will come into play which will be nurturing and therapeutic for your relationship.

Encourage Her to Increase Her Awareness on Trans Issues

Encourage your partner to learn more about transgender individuals. She could go through a transgender blog or read other material available online regarding the transgender community. She could also join a dating site meant for transgender people and communicate with trans individuals.

Once your partner gets to know more about transgender people, her prejudices would automatically meltdown. She would understand and appreciate your struggles better. Your girlfriend or wife would then view everything from the right perspective. She would no longer blame you for keeping her in the dark for long because she now understands that it’s not something in your control.

This is the best way forward for your relationship. Encourage her to understand the issues surrounding trans people and be vocal about these. Once she truly comprehends your life journey, she will support you with all her heart and soul.

For trans women, looking masculine can really take a toll on mental health and overall happiness. The persons around you may knowingly or unknowingly refer to you as "he" or "him" simply because of the way you look. But a beard, large arms or flat chest doesn't make you any less of a woman than a girl with big boobs and broad hips. For personal reasons, you may opt to not get gender reassignment surgery and that is completely fine. It is your life and you should live it the best way you see fit. Here are a few ways to make yourself look less masculine without getting “the surgery”

Making Your Face Appear Less Masculine

If your face looks too masculine, people will assume you are a man. One way to beat this is by completely removing all facial hair, except for your eyebrows. Your eyebrows should be shaved, tweezed, waxed or plucked. After all, they are the frame of your face and can make or break your entire look. Makeup is a great option for making your skin appear smoother, highlighting certain features and hiding others. But be sure to buy quality brands and get a lot of practice before going out into the world. And, if done properly, there's no way to tell that you are a MTF trans woman. You can also grow out your hair or add extensions to feminize your face. The right hairstyle can make that chiseled face look less pronounced and improve your overall appearance.

Making Your Hands Appear Less Masculine

When you look at or feel a woman's hands, generally they are smooth and soft to the touch. If you want to appear less masculine your hands are one part of the body that you must pay keen attention to. One way to make your hands appear less masculine is by moisturizing and conditioning the skin on your hands. This will over time soften the way your hands feel. Some great moisturizers are Coconut oil, Cocoa butter, Argan oil, and Jojoba oil. Another way to feminize your hands is by getting pedicures. Women are expected to have neat, attractive fingernails and by getting a pedicure the overall appearance of your hands will surely be less masculine. You may also get acrylic nails or gel polish styles that are in style now.

Lastly, jewelry is another way that is sure to make your hands appear less masculine. From rings to bracelets to bangles, there is an unlimited supply of jewelry that you can choose from in many different shapes, sizes, colors and designs at varied price points.

Wearing Feminine Clothes

Wearing feminine clothes is a big step in any trans woman's life. The right clothes can boost your confidence and make the people around you more accepting of you. Dresses, skirts, and heels are great options but if you are shy, try feminine jeans or blouses. There are many other ways to make yourself appear less masculine without having gender reassignment surgery. Hopefully, these tips help!

In a quest to live happier lives, and make their bodies more congruent with their gender identity; some transgender people undergo specific medical treatments. There is an overwhelming consensus in the medical community that transition-related care is medically necessary for any Trans individual. While this care is considered life-saving and even critical for many trans people, not everyone needs medical care to live their desired life. There are various medical treatments do trans people available based on individual needs, and in this blog post, we will be exploring hormone therapy.

Hormone Therapy

Hormone therapy for Trans people causes the development of many of the secondary sexual characteristics of their desired sex. Even so, this therapy cannot reverse many of their existing primary and secondary sexual features. For instance, Hormone Therapy can induce breast growth for MTF, but can only slightly reduce breast for FTM. It can prompt facial hair growth for trans men but cannot regress facial hair for MTF, and so on. However, hormone therapy can reverse some secondary characteristics, such as the distribution of body fat, muscle, and even menstruation in trans men.

Masculinizing Treatments

For Trans men, practitioners use testosterone therapy for masculinizing treatments. Some of its effects can be increased muscle mass, hair loss, thicker vocal cords, and thicker skin. In contrast, estrogen and anti-androgen therapy are used for feminizing treatments. Estrogen alone is insufficient to suppress androgen, and this explains the call for anti-androgen medications.

In general, surgery is required to obtain satisfactory physical characteristics in most trans people. Upon cessation of hormonal treatment, those traits reverse unless chemical or surgical castration has occurred. However, in trans men, some hormonally-induced changes may become virtually irreversible within weeks. Trans women, on the other hand, usually have to take hormones for many months before they can see any irreversible change.

Conclusion

Different transgender people may need different types of transition-related care. For more information on other medical procedures available, see our blog on Chest Reconstruction Surgery and Face Feminization Surgery.

I'm new to this site and have not been on it long. I am not a stranger to dating sites I know what they are pretty well and I can't say I have ever gotten a match off of one because I as a person rather fall between the cracks. I imagine some people can relate to the feeling of being so different you don't feel like you fit in anywhere. I live that pretty constantly from day to day because being trapped in a small podunk town kinda blows. The biggest issues I have with dating sites is a lot of superficial shallow people lurk on them ether looking for a sugar daddy/mommy or a cheap lay. I am nether of those. I am at times complicated af and others chill as can be. You might call it a side effect of being manic depressive. a medium is not something that exists for people like me and I am sure some of you reading this can relate to that. If you find yourself reading this all the way through please don't take it as me being whiny I am not. I came here seeking friends and perhaps a long term open minded patient companion who can put up with the fact I can be a bit nit picky but on the other hand who isn't at times. Real speaking I know I am not the most beautiful person I don't even remotely consider myself attractive period, however I do know I am very honest, wild , dedicated, loyal,  and never have I ever cheated. I mean call me old fashioned but if you need to cheat on someone then obviously you don't love them very much. So I suppose probably bored you stiff if you are still reading this and if you are and looking for a nerdy loving guy or a real friend hmu.

I will state up front I am a retired Navy corpsman (FMF).  I had a very unique  experience when I came *OUT* as a femm.  The Marines I was the platoon corpsman for were all of one mind...I was Doc...male or female made no difference to them..I was and always will be Doc.  I suppose that they regard me relationship wise as an *older sister*  My outing got me 40  younger brothers at one go.  Lol.  The thing here is that it was a TOTAL acceptance.  Nothing had changed I was a female but I was still Doc..deployed or in garrison.  It was different in that the EXTREMELY male environment was so accepting.  In fact the Gunnys wife said that she suspected I was at the very least gay if not female wrongly gendered.   The very last people I expected to accept me were these guys.  Perhaps it is because corpsman have a unique bond with Marines that they were so accepting...I really cant say and really am  not up on that kind of psychology.  Never the less it was definitely an interesting experience.

I discovered that I was transgender a few years back and fought against it for quite sometime.  I remember being ashamed, a freak and just not a real person.  However, once I accepted it something began to change within me.  The fragmented pieces of my heart and mentality started to align with each other.  The battle turned to a place of peace and a sense of meaning flooded my life.  If you were to tell me five years ago that I would be here writing this post, I would have laughed so hard at the idea.  The idea of being transgender was so incredulous to me, it was simply laughable.  The moments would happen when I would feel a roll of warmth sweep over my body, mind and spirit.  I always knew that there was something missing from my life since early childhood.  No matter what I achieved, succeeded in, the countless hours in therapy still left an emptiness within me that I could not fill.

It all began when I turned 30 and chose that I needed to learn to love myself, it was necessary for my happiness and peace.  I started off with prayers of gratitude, expressing gratitude for everything and everyone I had in my life.  It could have been a wall I was grateful for, the cold floors in the winter that keep my feet cold showing me that I am still alive.  My walls that keep me safe so I can flourish as Anaika in peaceful environment.  The list goes on and on and on, I practice gratitude prayers every single day.  I also decided to be kinder to myself.  We are so hard on our selves that we do not realize the damage we cause to our moods and mental well-being.  I started to talk softly, genuinely and kindly to myself.  Wish myself good morning, compliment myself on getting up early and being productive.  I began to show my self unconditional positive regard and unconditional love.  When I made mistakes, I would respond to them the same way I would with someone who I truly cared for and loved.  When I upset, I gave myself encouragement as I would a true friend.  When I forgot things or was irresponsible I would swaddle myself that we will work on it together and that mistakes happen.  Within roughly a year I woke up one morning and something was different.  I had a realization that I had learned to love myself, all of myself, imperfections and all.  I became my own best-friend, warrior, and my own small army.  I was in unison with myself.  I understood myself, my fears, hopes and dreams and that it was the biggest thing that had ever happened in my life, ever!  It was like a bond was formed with myself that I could self-validate, self-regulate, stand up for myself and most importantly I found my voice and now was confident enough to use it.  It was a realization that shook my foundation at it's very core because now that I truly loved myself things began to unfold within me.  Although I loved my self I still had much work to do because I was repressing something for over thirty years and it was time now in the safety of myself to come to the surface and be heard.  That was Anaika.  My love for myself unleashed my inner truth, my inner genius, my inner strength and power.  Now, a coupe of years later and being on hormones every day is a wonderful day.  I can feel my body changing and with each change comes a strong sense of peace.>>

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I don't share this with many people because it's my own plight to deal with, however today it has got the better of me. I often doubt my transition and becoming a woman. This bothers me because I have complete resolve in who I am and who I am meant to be. Through self-analysis I narrowed down where these doubts come from and they come from my relationship with my parents. When I came out as gay in 1999 I was disowned and left to my own devices. It didn't last long because my parents truly loved me. We have spent the last 17 years re-building a completely broken relationship into one where we were strongly connected, shared loved and respect for one another and had strong ties of communication. However, they are not coping well with the fact that I am transgender. I can't blame them, I know their faith and beliefs and how it interferes with their ability to accept me. Currently we speak but I have been told and I know that once I transition that will be the end of in person relations with my parents. We may talk from time to time on the phone but my mother cannot see me as a woman, nor does she want to. I could be angry with her, lash out, make them out to be cruel and hurtful people, but I would be lying and I'm bigger than that. How can I ask them to accept me, if I cannot accept their limitations. The knowledge of knowing I will lose the opportunity to spend holidays and vacations with them causes a deep sense of guilt and loss within my heart. It creates doubts in my otherwise resolved future path. I work hard to work through it, applying my skills and knowledge of therapy to myself and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. What's worse is today I found out mom has a tumor on the back of her head and has to have surgery. It scares me! We are not getting any younger and today I feel heavy with guilt and sadness, self-doubt and have next to zero resolve. It's one thing to realize that if you follow your heart you will lose their physical presence in your life, but to be faced with the potential fact that she may not even be around to answer the occasional call brings tears to my eyes. I'm not writing this to receive support, I have that within myself. However, if anyone on my friends list ever deals with self-doubt about their life choices because of outside forces, just know you are not alone. To doubt is to human! To struggle is human! I'm sure my mom will be fine, it is what I have decided to tell myself and believe with all my heart. Parents are people who can be cruel, mean and hurtful and they can be loving, caring and great friends whom deal with strong conflicts between their hearts and their beliefs. If you have parents who love and accept you, celebrate them! It isn't the norm in many cases but hearts can be changed with time. Ignorance is the number one cause of being disowned by your parents. If at some point they choose to let their ignorance dissolve and open their minds, they may come around just as my parents once did. The truth is, in another 17 years if they are still both around we may be completely fine again. I'll never give up believing in a love stronger than all else. Love you all today, God bless.>>

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