Dating someone is one of the most beautiful experiences of life. We look forward to waking up, taking care of ourselves, and take on the day with an infectiously positive spirit. Our lives are perhaps incomplete without the admiration and approval of someone we have a crush on. While it’s important to not have your self-worth depend on someone else’s opinions, we are human after all. Having someone we like notice us back makes the day worth it.
Dating as a transgender has become relatively easier now. You don’t have to meet someone through friends and acquaintances to get a prospective date. There are so many dating sites and apps for transgender people. At the mere click of a mouse, you can start communicating with potential love interests. And then at some point of time, you can set up a real date with someone you are getting along well with.
When that girl or boy of your dreams finally says yes to a date, it’s easy to be super euphoric and get carried away! While you deserve every bit of that happiness and adrenalin rush, it’s important to keep some things in mind in order to make that first date special. There is no manual really but still, there are certain rules and laws of dating behaviour and etiquette that you should follow.
This article tells you about a few tips that you should follow while dating as a transgender person.
Make Sure Your Date Knows You Are Transgender Woman
This is most important. Make sure your date knows in advance that you are a transgender person. If you are dating through a trans dating site, they would probably know anyways. But a lot of trans people also date through regular dating sites. On these forums, it is sometimes difficult for the other person to figure out your identity unless you tell them categorically. So make it a point to tell them that you are transgender before you even start talking online.
Some trans people think that revealing their identity early on might prejudice someone against dating them. So they keep it a secret, waiting for the right time. But that’s not a fair approach. Your potential partner has every right to know about your identity. This kind of gamble is also not healthy for your dating scenario. The world is full of transphobic people. Even if you get along really well with someone, their behaviour might totally change once they know that you are transgender. It’s also putting your personal safety at risk. You don’t want to be harassed and abused by someone you meet for a date. So before you plan a date with someone, make sure they know that you are transgender.
Only when you are certain that they don’t have any issue with your identity, should you go ahead with seeing them on a date.
Have Positive Vibes
When you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to be pleasant and cheerful. You don’t know how it’s going to be. They don’t know how it will turn out. What matters is the moment. Just enjoy your date, be happy and make it pleasant for them as well.
Meeting someone in real life is totally different from chatting with them through a transsexual dating app. So just be your natural self and go with the flow. There is nothing as irresistible as natural chemistry built over real life meetings. It’s the kind of chemistry that gives you goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach. Maybe, you develop that equation with your date. Maybe, you don’t. There is no way to know in advance. So just relax and be comfortable.
Also, remember to smile! It can really make the other person’s day and put them at ease. Meeting your potential boyfriend or girlfriend with a frown on your face is not exactly the stuff of dreams. So wear that infectious smile and your date will be certainly drawn to your aura.
Communicate With Confidence
Great communication skills are an asset for anyone. The art of having a good conversation becomes especially useful during a date. Think of topics that are mutually interesting and then weave a conversation around those. Do not jump from one topic to another at your whim. Some of us have a habit of getting carried away when we talk, so much so that we completely forget the other person and just go on ranting. Don’t do that on a date!
That’s why it’s important to be a good listener. In fact, listening is a part of great communication skills. Listen with interest whatever your date is saying and then take the conversation from there. This will make the conversation interesting and also help build chemistry between the two of you.
When you are talking to each other, just think you are friends. That would make the whole thing easier. If we are too conscious about the dating thing all the time, it can hamper our ease and confidence. So just relax and have a chat around topics you are passionate about.
Don’t Expect Too Much
Do not expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love story on the first date itself. Just take it easy. The first time you are meeting someone, it’s more like meeting a friend. Only when you get comfortable with someone and can have a decent conversation with them, you can begin to think about other things. So have realistic expectations from your date. Don’t expect them to fall head over heels in love with you. That’s probably not going to happen. If the two of you feel interested enough in each other after the date to meet a second time, that’s probably the best you can achieve.
It is also possible that the date is not going on that well and you’ve realized that. Still, it’s important to just stay cool and be civil. It’s not the end of your life. Enjoy the moment while you are there and then just coolly walk your way. However, there are certain places where you have to draw some boundaries. If your date is rude to you, it’s time to just walk away without a word. Do not get into arguments because that’s just going to create a scene. Just coolly walk off.
Expectations ruin the best of things. So even if your date has ended rather well, do not expect too much. If you will be seeing your potential love interest for a second time, look forward to it. But don’t make it the sole motto of your life. Concentrate on other things and be just cool and calm.
Know the Basics of Dating Etiquette
There are some basics of dating etiquette that you got to follow. These are fairly general and pretty obvious things that we often tend to overlook. When are dating someone in a restaurant or a café, do not go on a complaining spree. There are people to tend to find a fault with something everywhere they go. The food is not good, the service is bad, you don’t like the décor of the restaurants, stay away from all those irrational and irritating complaints.
Complaining incessantly about a restaurant’s staff or service during a date is just going to ruin your date. It will give your partner the impression that you are a grumpy and bad-tempered person. So do not indulge in that kind of drama.
Another important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t be over open and trustworthy during your date. Some people have a habit of getting so worked up that they confess everything about themselves to the other person during the first meeting itself. Do not do that. Be a bit secretive and mysterious. Be candid about your conversation but do not reveal too much about your personal life. Keep the talk centered on topics of general interest. Do not approach subjects too personal or controversial. It’s a good practice to refrain from revealing too much about your past relationships. You shouldn’t ask your date probing questions about their personal life as well.
When you are meeting someone for the first time, never ever start talking about the subject of physical love. That will just freak out your date and they will probably think you’re just desperate to get laid. Keep all that stuff for later on. During the first date, just keep it old-fashioned, classic, and simple.
The dating etiquette code equally applies to the other person. If they ask you too many inappropriate questions about your transgender identity, just tell them politely but firmly that they need to maintain certain boundaries. If you feel vulnerable at any point of time, feel free to just walk away. If at any point during the date, you feel that the other person is not sure about your transgender identity, just tell them categorically again. Even if you have communicated it before, there is no harm in telling again. This is the most crucial aspect of your relationship. Your partner has to be comfortable with your identity.
Now that you’ve met the transgender woman of your dreams, the next move should be to ask her out on a date. When she says yes, you are obviously on cloud nine! So it’s easy to get carried away and ignore the actual practical part which is planning the date. But that will be a sure-shot route to ruining the whole thing. The future course of your relationship depends on that elusive first date. So it is important you spend a considerable amount of time and energy planning it out.
As the adage goes, the first impression is the last impression. In order to woo the transgender woman of your dreams, it is important that everything about the first date is in sync with her personality and sensibilities. Each individual is unique so you cannot have a generic date plan for every situation. You got to do a bit of homework and come up with something that strikes your trans woman as interesting and fun.
You might even be nervous and jittery thinking what if she gets bored on the date. It is obvious to have those mixed feelings when you are embarking on something new. But there is no need to panic. Planning an awesome first date is no rocket science either. You just got to be a bit smart, innovative, and creative.
This article gives you a couple of tips that would help you in planning that great first date with the trans woman of your dreams.
Come Up With Several Options for the Date Venue
This is important. A date is about two people. So you can’t just announce to your transgender woman that you’ve booked so and so place and that’s where you got to go. You have to give her a couple of options to choose from. And that’s why planning in advance is necessary.
Obviously, it’s not possible to have an unlimited number of options so 3 is a reasonable number. Give her at least 3 options to choose from. No matter how well you’ve figured her out, you can never be sure about someone, especially when you haven’t ever met them in person before. That is another reason why having a couple of options for your date venue is important.
It will also give her the impression that you genuinely care about her likes and dislikes. It is obvious that when you meet someone through a trans girl dating site and have just communicated with them online, there are some doubts and hesitations on both sides. That is why it’s important to go slow and take the preferences of your trans woman into consideration.
It’s best to go for venues that are relatively near to wherever she stays so that she feels safe getting back home. On the first date, she might not trust you enough to drop her back home even if you make the offer with all good intentions. Therefore, it’s important that the date venue is somewhere close to her residence so that she can get back safely by herself as well.
Take Her Personality into Account While Deciding the Date Venue
The best rule to follow is to have three options in hand – one with a classic and neutral date venue and two others that are customized to suit your trans woman’s personality and hobbies.
If you are going out on a date with her, it’s obvious that you two have been chatting for a while through a trans dating site. So you must have figured out something about her likes and dislikes. Is she a rock music girl? Or is she someone who would enjoy a date at an artsy café or bar with some jazz in the background? You got to figure these things out. Maybe, she is not that much into music at all. Perhaps, she enjoys outdoor adventure more. In that case, you might have to plan out a different kind of date for her altogether.
When you tell her about a date plan that’s totally custom-made according to her aura and persona, she would really appreciate it. Your transgender woman would obviously notice that you haven’t just given her a list of stock venues to choose from. On the contrary, you made a great effort to figure out her vibes and plan accordingly.
It’s best to keep one option classic and safe just in case she wants to keep it conventional and low-key since it’s your first date. Whichever option she chooses, but she will certainly notice and admire your initiative in figuring her out and planning a date accordingly.
Keep Your Budget in Mind While Planning the Date
When we are trying to impress someone, it’s easy to go overboard and spend beyond our means. Resist that temptation. If a girl falls in love with you, it’s not for your money or the expensive places you take her out to. It’s for your personality, charm, and sincerity. So when planning out that first date with the trans woman of your dreams, make sure you stay within your budget.
It’s very much possible to have a great date even within a limited budget. You just need to be a good planner. Check out various deals and discounts being offered at several restaurants and then choose some options accordingly. It’s very important that you are comfortable with the prices of the place you choose since you got to bear all the expenses yourself. As a rule of thumb, you pay for the first date, and then for the subsequent dates, you and your partner can split the bill.
Once you reach a certain comfort level with your trans girl, you can tell her your concerns without any hesitation or embarrassment. You can confide in her that your budget is a bit limited. She would not take this against you. On the contrary, she would appreciate that you trust her enough to share such an important detail of your life with her. Being open and honest with one another is the basic foundation of any relationship. To begin your first date on that note.
Remember Your Online Chats with Her
Now that the planning part is over, it is very important to figure out how to behave during your first date. Obviously, you try and strike a great conversation. Starting though is the tricky part since the two of you have only spoken through a ts dating app and are meeting for the first time. A golden rule to follow is to remember all your previous chats with her and initiate a conversation accordingly.
Even if you had been talking only through texting till now, there is a certain rapport you’ve built. So take it forward from there. Remember any specific comment she made about something in one of your chats and bring that up. Tell her how that made you think about a particular subject. The safest way to start a conversation is to talk about general things like hobbies and interests. Everybody likes movies and music to a certain degree. So you could talk about that as well.
Real-life chemistry is obviously very different from talking to someone online. A lot of it is destiny really. It can be like fireworks or go totally cold. But remembering your online chats with your trans woman is a good place to start. Once the initial awkward phase is over, your natural chemistry will come into play. But to begin a conversation, you got to start from somewhere.
Ask Her Out On a Second Date
If it all goes well and the two of you are having an awesome time on your first date, it’s time to ask her out for a second one. If she had a good time with you, there is no reason really why she would say no. But it’s important to make that second date offer right there and then when you are out with her because if you leave it for later on, she might think through it and change her decision. And you don’t want that to happen!
When you are in the flow of things and there is some chemistry building up between the two of you, that’s the best time to ask her if she would like to see you again. And once she says yes, you would have a brand new date to plan and look forward to!
Ask Her to Text When She Reaches Home
For a woman, it’s very important that you are concerned about her safety and well-being. You might be the best-looking and charming guy in the world but all that doesn’t amount to anything for her unless you are considerate and caring. Make sure that once the date is over, you ask your trans woman to text you once she gets back home.
If she forgets to text you for some reason, take the initiative to text her or call. That would make her feel that you genuinely care for her.
One of the most important things about embracing your new identity as a trans man is being able to own it. You want to feel that confidence in your smile and demeanour and that manly swag in your walk and attitude as you make a foray into the world of masculinity. To put it simply, you want to come across as an attractive guy who is well sought after.
As a FTM trans guy, you are probably looking forward to dating someone. But your mind is full of apprehensions regarding your identity. Even if you are on hormone treatment, it takes a while to develop tangible physical characteristics of the ‘male ‘gender. So it’s important to stay confident, poised and have full faith in yourself, no matter what the circumstances be. The first and foremost rule to looking exceptionally attractive is convincing yourself that you are hot. That conviction shines through your face and being and people would be irresistibly drawn to you. Such is the power of positive thinking.
Next, it’s equally important to work on your looks and dressing sense. The dating scene is getting more and more competitive. So you got to be particular about putting forward your best version. If you’ve recently joined a transgender dating site and are communicating with a number of potential love interests, you are definitely looking forward to having a real date at some point in time. That is why it’s important to be always super well-groomed and never go lax about your appearance.
This article offers a few tips that would help you look exceptionally attractive as a trans guy.
Dress According to Your Personality and Aura
Everyone has a unique aura. And that aura defines a lot of things about us – the way we communicate, behave and all that. It’s important for a trans guy to go for a dressing style that complements his personality. It’s not just about how expensive your clothes are or how much you follow the latest fashion trends. If something looks awkward on you, it’s probably not meant for you.
Develop your personal style statement rather than blindly aping the latest fashion trends. Notice the kind of clothes that look best on you and customize your wardrobe accordingly. When you see a strikingly attractive male fashion model displaying the latest line of a high brand in a fashion magazine, it’s obvious that you fall in love with those clothes instantly. But just sit back, relax and try to visualize how these clothes would look on your body type. Ask yourself if you are comfortable with those colours or patterns. What works very well for a cis guy doesn’t necessarily rock for a trans guy as you have areas to camouflage like chest and butt.
Look for inspiration in the dressing style of other trans male icons. Check out their social media handles. Scroll through a transgender blog and get to know how other trans men like you are dressing up. This will help you develop a unique style statement over a period of time.
Don’t Go for Clothes that are Too Loose or Too Tight
Well, it might be challenging for a trans man to find clothes the right size. Even if you are on hormone therapy, it takes time for your body to redistribute fat according to male body shape. So, you always have the problem of a shirt being a bit too tight on the chest even if its fits perfectly on arms and shoulders. It’s the same for jeans or pants. The waist might be perfect but the pants are just too tight on hips. Many trans guys get really conscious of all this and tend to buy clothes of sizes considerably bigger than their usual size. But that’s not the right approach.
Wearing baggy or ill-fitted clothes is not going to make you look attractive. It’s just going to be unflattering on your body. So the trick is to just try and try till you find something that fits you almost right. It will mean quite a bit of extra time for shopping and multiple trips to the changing room. But it’s totally worth it. Well, fitted clothes would make you look attractive, irrespective of your built and physique. If you are concerned about your butt and thighs being too prominent in fitted pants, then it’s the style that you have to change. Going for oversized pants won’t make you look good.
Be Careful While Selecting Pants
Now, pants are a tricky business when it comes to a trans man’s wardrobe. You want to go for pants that downplay the feminine bits like butt and thighs. So a good rule to follow is to never go for pleated trousers as these would just highlight the thigh and hip area. It’s best to go for the classic, basic pair of pants that is flat-front so that it doesn’t emphasize your hips.
Try Out Dark and Solid Colours for Shirts
Dark and solid colours would help camouflage the chest area, making it less obvious. So a black shirt or a deep blue shirt is a great choice. On the contrary, shades like fluorescents, whites and yellows will make the chest area even more obvious. So when in doubt, go for black.
Try Out Shirts with Irregular Patterns
It cannot be emphasized enough that one of the main concerns of a trans man is to hide any unwanted bulge in the chest area while dressing up. Shirts with irregular patterns work very well for that purpose. The irregular pattern kind of tricks the eye, making any bulge in the chest less obvious. Regular patterns, on the contrary, would draw even more unwanted attention to the chest. So FTM transgender guys should try going for shirts with irregular or asymmetrical patterns. These would complement the manly physique.
Don’t Be Afraid to Wear T-Shirts
A lot of trans guys shy away from t-shirts thinking it would be unflattering on their bodies. Nothing could be farther than the truth. A well-fitted t-shirt would emphasize your arms and shoulders, thus making you look manlier. When one tries to visualize perfect masculinity, broad shoulders are the first thing that comes to mind. And t-shirts are great in that they create that illusion of those perfectly square, broad shoulders.
It’s true that some t-shirts might be problematic for the chest area if that is your concern. But if you look around enough, you would definitely find styles that complement your arms and shoulders without drawing attention to the chest.
Work Out and Eat Healthily
This is an obvious one. But many trans guys choose to overlook this. When they are on treatment, they tend to wait for the treatment effects to settle in and then start working out. But you have to start exercising as soon as possible. In fact, the most important goal of your workout should be to lose as much weight as possible. Once your body fat gets totally transformed into the male physique pattern post-treatment, you can go slow on weight loss. But till then, it’s important to lose as much body fat as possible.
A lean, sculpted physique would naturally take care of all those problem areas like the hips, thighs and chest. It is equally important to eat healthily and drink plenty of water so that your skin stays hydrated.
Remember that looking like an irresistible guy is not just about having that perfect physique. It’s also about having a great skin tone. When you work out and eat healthily, your skin shines with that vitality.
Pay Attention to Basic Grooming
Basic grooming is important for a trans man. Make sure you moisturize your skin regularly, shave on a regular basis and use deodorant. Your hair is also an important part of your personal attractiveness quotient. Look for a style that complements your masculinity and then stick to it. Go for regular hair spas so that your hair is in the best of condition at all times.
Your skin also needs to be squeaky clean. You don’t really have to go for facials but make sure you shower regularly; use a face wash and a scrub at least once a week.
Go for Shoes that Give the Illusion of More Height
When one thinks of a manly physique, a talk form or silhouette instantly comes to mind. For a trans man who has been chatting with someone through a trans dating site, it’s important that his lady love finds him tall and striking when they finally meet.
One golden rule to follow is to go for shoes that make you look taller. Boots especially are great at giving an illusion of greater height. So go for different styles of boots that complement your manliness and also take your style quotient up by a few notches. For daily wear, sneakers are also a great option. But when you are trying out a shoe, just remember to stand in front of the mirror and see if it creates that illusion of a longer physique or not.
Last but not the least, it’s most important to be confident in your own skin. At the end of the day, people admire you for your originality and uniqueness. It’s good to make these efforts to improve your external appearance but never lose your essence. Because your essence is what really drives the world crazy, in a good way that is.
When you’ve finally made peace with your identity and are ready to come out in the open as a trans woman, it’s a special moment of your life. You feel exhilarated and happy. But there still might be certain things bothering you. If you have a female partner who doesn’t know about your real identity, this can become a great source of stress. You have spent a considerable portion of your life with them. So they mean a lot to you. You definitely want to embark on your new journey but you don’t want to hurt them in the process. As a trans woman, you want your female partner to be a part of that journey. While this isn’t easy, it certainly is not impossible.
People who really love us do so unconditionally. It’s not just for looks or not even for our gender. When a relationship reaches a certain point, our partner begins to love us unconditionally. A sudden change in our life path might unnerve them but they will certainly walk with us through thick and thin. At the same time, a lot of understanding is also required on your part as a trans woman that this isn’t easy for your partner. The entire dynamics of your relationship will change. You will still be close but in different ways. So she will take her own time to digest all this. And you need to give her that time and space.
Coming out in the open as a trans woman is not the end of story for your relationship with another woman. Irrespective of whatever circumstances under which that relationship was forged, it has now become an integral part of your life. Your being a trans woman won’t make your love for your girlfriend or wife any less. So it’s important to be honest with them and not hide things. That is the first step towards reinventing your relationship while embracing your identity.
It can all seem baffling. But you can certainly save your relationship with a female partner after you’ve come out as a trans woman. This article tells you a couple of ways in which you can do so.
Give Her Time to Adjust to Your New Reality
You cannot suddenly announce to your woman that you are transgender. You need to do this slowly and gently. You can’t just bombard her with the news on the spur of a moment. You got to prepare the ground first and then slowly break the news. She might just not accept it at first but don’t lose all calm and panic. Give her time and her acceptance will come by.
The point is to be gentle, sensitive, and tactful. Remember it’s not just about you. It’s also about her life. This entails a big change in her personal life as well so she has got every right to take some time and think through things.
You should slowly start sharing your feminine side with her. First, she might feel awkward but then she would get used to it. If she gets upset or mad at your revelation, just don’t bring it up again for some time. Once you feel that she is in a better zone, things can be discussed again.
When you start dating someone, you don’t tell all about yourself in one go. You go step by step. It’s the same with communicating your identity to your wife or girlfriend. You have to work on it over a period of time. It just can’t happen overnight. If you are too hasty and impatient, you might just end up prejudicing them against you forever. And you don’t want that.
Assure Her of Your Love Repeatedly
When you communicate the truth of your identity to your wife or girlfriend, she might just feel betrayed. This is a natural thing to happen. So take time out to appreciate her and tell her how much you love her. This will reassure her of your unwavering commitment and sincerity, no matter what.
Take time out to express gratitude for how she has changed your life for the better. Remember the best of her qualities and remind her of those every now and then. When your partner sees how much you love and adore them, all their fears and insecurities will melt. And they will understand that your relationship is rock solid and nothing can come between the two of you.
Tell her that she will be the first one to know everything that’s happening in your life. There are no secrets between lovers. Assure her of that.
Do Not Freak Out if She Gets Uncomfortable
A relationship is always about two people. You might feel that you are the center of the world and there is nothing greater than your problems or issues. But that’s simply not true. For your wife or girlfriend, her concerns are very important and you have to respect that. Once you’ve communicated to her your identity, she might get uncomfortable around you.
It’s possible that she avoids you, doesn’t want to talk and withdraws into her own space. Do not judge her for that. Focus instead on how to positively deal with the situation. Try getting her involved in activities that the two of you enjoy like playing some sport together or watching a movie. Try to bond with her as usual and things will work out.
Above all, be patient. It’s a big change for her so she will get uncomfortable at times. Understand that and be empathetic.
Start Opening Up to Her Once She Has Fully Accepted You
Once your wife or girlfriend has fully accepted your identity, it’s time to open up about your new self. As a transgender woman, your personal life is going to be a certain way. You want to revel in your feminine side and are perhaps even considering medical treatment to develop the physical characteristics of the female gender. Whatever it is now is the time to start opening up to your partner. Once you feel she has really accepted you for good, start sharing all your deepest desires and plans for the future with her. Share your insecurities and fears too. This would make her feel special and valued as a partner since you are making her a witness to the deepest emotions of your heart.
Maybe, you want to join a transgender dating site and start meeting people. Communicate this to your partner. If she is uncomfortable with the idea, then just drop it for a while. Once you bring it up again, assure her that you are only looking for friendship, that you won’t go for anything sexual.
It’s a tough call. As a transgender woman, you might be tempted to get into a fling with a guy you met through a ts dating app. There is nothing wrong with it if your female partner is open-minded enough to accept this kind of liaison. But if they are not, then you have to observe restraint. At the end of the day, it’s all about your priorities. If saving your relationship is important for you, then you got to keep some boundaries. Communicate your needs and wants to her but also take her feelings into account.
Start Bonding With Her As a Woman
This might be difficult. She started dating you from a heterosexual perspective so she might not even be comfortable with that kind of equation. But if you think she has accepted your identity, there is no harm in trying. Try to develop your mutual chemistry as a woman. Bond with her over girly activities like trying out a new makeup look or hairstyle. Go to the salon together to get yourselves pampered with a manicure, pedicure, or hair spa. Or give each other a relaxing pedicure at home. This is a great way to initiate female bonding.
Go for ingredient shopping together and then try out new homemade skincare routines together. Again, all this is not as easy as it sounds because she is used to looking at you in a different way altogether. So go slow and gentle. But once she starts bonding with you as a woman, a different kind of chemistry will come into play which will be nurturing and therapeutic for your relationship.
Encourage Her to Increase Her Awareness on Trans Issues
Encourage your partner to learn more about transgender individuals. She could go through a transgender blog or read other material available online regarding the transgender community. She could also join a dating site meant for transgender people and communicate with trans individuals.
Once your partner gets to know more about transgender people, her prejudices would automatically meltdown. She would understand and appreciate your struggles better. Your girlfriend or wife would then view everything from the right perspective. She would no longer blame you for keeping her in the dark for long because she now understands that it’s not something in your control.
This is the best way forward for your relationship. Encourage her to understand the issues surrounding trans people and be vocal about these. Once she truly comprehends your life journey, she will support you with all her heart and soul.
When it comes to a woman’s beauty, the face is the first thing we think of. Then, our mind wanders to the perfect, sculpturesque female form. Rarely do we think of something as obvious as hands. In reality, hands can be a sure-shot giveaway of a person’s grooming standards. While elegant and well-kept hands give the impression of a well-groomed woman, shabby and rough hands give the impression of a lady who is slovenly about her appearance. As a MTF transgender woman, it is very important to be particular about this aspect of your physical appearance. While you certainly can’t change the size and structure of your hands, you certainly can improve the texture and look. And doing that is no rocket science either.
Your hands require regular care and attention, just like the face and body. For a MTF trans woman, the care required is even greater because your hands might not be conventionally dainty or feminine. But you are a beautiful woman inside out. The beauty radiates through your face and shines in your soul. Your external appearance is just a mirror that reflects your beauty and hands are an important part of that look. It’s like completing a full circle. When your external beauty and internal beauty intertwine, the world is bound to notice your unique aura.
As a MTF trans woman, your hands are also a proud witness of the arduous journey you’ve undertaken.
This article gives you a few tips that would help you feminize your hands and make those more gorgeous and delicate looking.
Always Keep Your Hands Moisturized
Moisturize your hands regularly. This is the bare minimum essential for feminizing your hands. Even if we have normal skin, our hands tend to be drier than other body parts. Therefore, it is important to moisturize your hands immediately after a shower. You could use a good quality body moisturizer for the purpose or go for a hand cream. Many good quality brands these days offer excellent hand creams that have been formulated especially for the skin on your hands.
As a MTF trans woman, you want to leave no stone unturned in making arrangements for that special date with someone you met through a transgender dating site. But there are certain things about your appearance you can’t change. You cannot change the build of your hand but you can certainly make those softer and delicate with regular care. If you have had a difficult life full of challenges, it’s normal to have your hands go rough or coarse in texture. With regular hydration and moisture, you can improve the texture.
There are certain ingredients that work wonders for locking in moisture. If your hands are too dry and need extra attention, looks for creams and lotion that contain ingredients like shea butter and strawberry butter. The good old Vaseline petroleum jelly is also great for moisturizing hands! For extra moisture, use a thick hand cream or lotion at night before you go to sleep, and make sure you cover your hands with gloves later on. This will lock in the moisture while you are having your regular beauty sleep and you shall wake up to wonderfully soft hands.
Last but not the least, for any hand cream or lotion to work well, it’s important to stay hydrated. Make sure you drink at least 10-12 glasses of water every day and consume salads and fruits like papaya, watermelon, etc on a regular basis.
Natural Oils Should Be Your Best Friend!
Natural oils can work wonders for hand care. You can replace a hand cream or moisturizer with one or better still, use it in addition to these things. Natural oils like olive oil, coconut oil, sweet almond oil, and avocado oil can work wonders for your hands. Just massage your hands with a drop or two of one of these oils whenever you have time and you are good to go. Natural oils have an additional benefit over moisturizers in that they would increase blood circulation, making your hands look more healthy and vibrant.
Whether you are using moisturizers or natural oils or a combination of both, one golden rule to remember is that with hand care, more is always better! Our hands tend to get dry real quick as we use these repeatedly for a number of tasks every day. This makes them more prone to dirt and invisible bacteria, making the skin harsh and somewhat rough. It is therefore important to pamper your hands with these natural oils whenever you can steal a moment or two.
Go for Regular Manicures
For a MTF trans woman wanting to feminize her hands, regular manicures are totally worth it. If cost is an issue, you don’t have to go for over-the-top expensive ones. A basic manicure would do the trick. Going for a professional manicure has many advantages. The expert would get to know your specific concerns and customize a session accordingly. Regular manicures would not just keep your hands soft and supple but you would also get rid of any unwanted tan on your hands. Not to mention, it would ensure you always have those perfect nails.
A manicure is also a great option for a transgender woman who has a super busy schedule. A session at the parlour once a fortnight gets you sorted. It can also be a savior for emergency conditions. Let’s assume you met someone interesting through a trans dating site and the two of you are planning to go on a date. But your hands are not in the best condition at the moment. In such a scenario, a great manicure can give you an instant fix. This doesn’t mean that regular care and grooming of your hands is not needed but it can at least take care of that emergency situation.
Take Extra Care of Your Nails
Nails are a very important feature of a woman’s hands. Therefore, as a MTF trans woman, it’s important that you take extra care of these. A golden rule to follow is to avoid wearing your nails way too long or short. Keep experimenting with the length and with time you would find your ideal length. Nails that are too long look weird and are hard to manage as well. So make sure the length of your nails is just right.
While choosing nail polish, make sure it goes well with your skin tone and the general character of your hands. If you are not sure about what would suit you best, go for nude shades or lighter shades of colors like pink. Go for bright red nail polish by all means if you like but make sure you’d be able to pull it off.
The condition of your nails is also an important factor while choosing nail polish. If your nails are a bit unkempt and not in the best of condition, it’s safe to go for muted and low-key shades. Wearing bright colors would just draw more attention to the imperfection of your nails and you don’t want that.
Go for Hand Jewelry
The use of hand jewelry can give an ultra-feminine look to your hands. No guy could resist a set of soft smooth, well-manicured hands with trendy and chic hand jewelry. So a MTF trans women should definitely consider wearing bracelets and rings for feminizing their hands.
However, you have to be careful while choosing the right jewelry for your hands. Make sure you don’t go over top with hands accessories. You want to look beautiful and elegant, not bizarre and weird. It’s best to stick to just one or two simple pieces. If you wear too many rings, that would just draw even more attention to areas you are not very comfortable with.
The shape and build of your hands is also an important factor to consider while buying hand jewelry. Many MTF trans women already struggle with the issue of somewhat big hands so wearing delicate jewelry might draw even more attention to the size of your hands. Instead, go for hand accessories that are in sync with the size of your hands.
A chunky bracelet would be ideal for someone with big hands. The whole point behind wearing hand jewelry is to make sure the femininity of one’s hands is accentuated. Finally, the most important thing is to go for hand jewelry that suits your personality. Every personality has a distinct aura. Your makeup, dressing sense, everything should complement that aura. The same is true for hand accessories.
Finally, just be proud of yourself and the journey you’ve undertaken. As a MTF trans woman, your hands are a proud testimony to the many hurdles you’ve overcome through sheer willpower and determination. The difficult times are over. Now is the time to celebrate and pamper yourself. Just like your beautiful soul and indefatigable spirit, your hands deserve every bit of that pampering.
A trans man can get too preoccupied with the idea of society. Whether the society accepts him, what should he do in order to make other people appreciate him and love him; all these questions bother him incessantly. In the process, he forgets to love himself.
The first step to making anybody else admire you is to love and value yourself. It’s as simple as that. But still, we look for recognition at all wrong places, changing ourselves beyond recognition; even torturing ourselves just to get the approval of other people. But it’s like a vicious circle. We don’t get anywhere. We get trapped in multiple images we have created of ourselves for the world to see. But none of these images match the real us. We have forgotten to love own self in the process.
It’s important for a trans man to break through those barriers of negativity that he has built all around himself. He has to stop seeing himself from the lens of so-called society. A transgender guy has to embark on a very personal inner journey, one that makes him connect with himself, one that makes him see his self in all its glories and follies and then loves it to the core.
Everybody gets enamored by narcissistic people. Why is that so? It is because we see in them a part of ourselves that we are almost scared to embrace. A bit of narcissism is good for all of us. As a trans guy, it also makes life somewhat less challenging for you. You deal with the practical problems of your life in a matter-of-fact way but you don’t let those build a wall of negativity around you. In other words, you stop seeing yourself in the light of others.
When you came out as a trans guy, not everyone supported you in that decision. Maybe, even your family abandoned you. These are some harsh realities of life you have to learn to live with. And you don’t have the courage to accept these realities until you learn to be compassionate with yourself. When your world is centered around your own being, your heart also expands. You forgive others willingly and just concentrate on the pursuit of your goals, ambitions, and happiness.
This article tells you about some ways in which you can love yourself.
Pamper Yourself
The first step to loving yourself is taking pride in your physical appearance and being. Pamper yourself. Take time out to relax. Go for solo holidays. Shop generously whenever you get time. If you have a particular hobby, make some time for it. Treat yourself like a prince. Exercise regularly and eat super healthy. It is a psychological fact that when we look in the mirror and see good results in terms of fitness, skin glow, etc, our entire being radiates with positivity and happiness. And we spread this aura all around.
Make a list of your best qualities
Now, you don’t have to literally make a list. But just think of your best qualities and tell yourself about them. Everyone has certain attributes. Some people are very kind and compassionate. Others have a great sense of humor. Some have a lot of patience. Others have the ability to think spontaneously in any given situation and make quick decisions. What are your special qualities? Think about these and then remind yourself every day about your best attributes.
This might sound very strange but it will fill your life with motivation and confidence. As a trans man, you spend too much time thinking about your identity and how the world doesn’t accept it and all that. In the process, you fail to appreciate yourself as an individual. Reminding oneself of their best qualities every day helps break the cycle of negativity. You will learn to see yourself in a new light. As a trans guy, your attention will be diverted away from the problems of your life to the unique aura and power of your own personality.
Never Hold a Grudge Against Yourself
We all have a tendency to blame ourselves for something or the other. If some decision in the past went wrong, we remember it all the time and spend our present in regret. As a trans man, you have to break free of these shackles of negativity. You are only human at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect. Even heads of state make the biggest of blunders. The only way to fix a past mistake is to learn a lesson and move on. Holding a grudge against yourself is just going to get you miserable.
Look at Everything in a Positive Light
Now, this one is tricky. How do you look at horrible and negative experiences in a positive light? It’s not easy but very much possible. Suppose you dated someone through a transgender dating site. You guys met and everything and when you thought it was going really well, the whole thing just collapsed. This has made you so sensitive and edgy that you are off the idea of dating. But if you choose to look at that experience positively, your whole life will change. You got saved the burden of a terrible relationship. Think of it that way. Had you been with that person for long, maybe it could have been worse. So you just saved yourself and your energy.
Life is like a roller coaster ride. But even from the worst of experiences, we learn something valuable. And these bad experiences make all the good things that follow totally worthwhile. Once you learn to see everything in a positive light, you would stop being bitter and harsh on yourself.
Never Let a Relationship Decide Your Self-Worth
This is very common with people in love. Their mood and emotions get totally dependent on the relationship. Not just that, their self–worth too is determined by their partner’s perception of them. If your partner is positive and encouraging, you are lucky. But if you get to be with someone who constantly finds faults in you and makes you conscious about everything, it’s not good. Such a person will pretend to love you, maybe they do love you in their own way but this kind of love will be toxic for your identity as an individual. To learn where to draw the line. A relationship should never determine your self-worth and self-esteem.
If you are with someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, they cannot be the right person for you. So have the courage to make yourself a priority and just walk out. Love and dating are all worth it but not at the expense of your own self. Chat with like-minded people through a trans dating site. Get to know them. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of dating and relationships. It is definitely a very important part of your life. But don’t let your whole life revolve around it. And don’t let it affect your self-worth.
If a girl you thought very hot and good-looking turned you down, it’s not the end of the world. Just get over it. She probably didn’t deserve you. If you keep on obsessing with the hotness of women and think of yourself as inferior all the time, it will affect your self-image badly. But if you just think of yourself as awesome, then you’ll just forget about that girl and laugh it off. As a trans man, make yourself the center of your universe.
Build a Strong Connection With Your Inner Self
It is important to recognize your inner self and have a dialogue with it on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean a literal dialogue but you got to forge a connection with your inner self. Take some time out of your busy schedule during which you do absolutely nothing. When we are constantly doing something or the other, our head is constantly buzzing with ideas. This state of frenzied activity leaves us excited and overwhelmed. In order to recognize one’s inner self, it’s important to cease all this activity for a while and revel in nothingness. This is the time set for you to draw deeper into the recesses of your inner self. You will draw deeper into your intuitive energies and understand yourself better.
It is not a conscious activity you can undertake. This happens subconsciously if you just let yourself be. Set a time every day during which you distance yourself from all the drama and just be still. In the stillness of these moments, you will discover your inner self. Meditation is also a great way to stay connected with your inner self.
Once you make a strong connection with the inner being, the external disturbances and perception of people around you will cease to matter. As a trans man, your being will radiate with positive energy. Every day will be full of opportunities and beautiful things to come. Negativity will be offshore. It would be a blissful state of being.
A fairy tale love story is everyone’s dream. Everyone is looking for that ‘happily ever after ‘kind of love. But modern-day dating is a complicated business. Everyone is looking for the perfect partner. So we go on dating people one after the other, hoping to meet the perfect one soon. For transgender people, dating is even more challenging. Their options get vastly limited by their identity. Surely, they can walk into bars and cafes and look for a date the way cis people do, but you never know the consequences. If they seek out someone to date socially at an event or a party, they have to often hide their identity. Once they start dating someone, they just hope for the best when they’ve dated someone long enough to tell them about their identity.
If they are socially open about being transgender, they have to limit themselves to places that are not transphobic. And it might be a challenge to find such places in small towns and cities. So trans people are always taking chances. Even at the cost of their safety and security, they sometimes take chances because the urge to feel loved is the same everywhere.
All this makes trans people trying to find love very vulnerable. They are vulnerable to all kinds of abuse and violence. There are probably so many transphobic people lurking out there who harbor not just apathy but plain hatred for trans people. And if a trans person is trying to look for love offline outside the circle of their friends or acquaintances, then they are easily prone to becoming victims of such people.
This article tells you about various ways in which trans people can find love and also overcome the challenges that come with the whole process.
Try to Find Love Online
It’s true that online dating might not work for everyone in the long term. But it’s a good place to start. At least, it’s safe and secure. Once you join a transgender dating site, you can at least chat with as many people you like without having to worry about hatred or abuse. The best part is you don’t have to meet anyone until and unless you want. And if you are just good with talking to people online, so be it. There is no pressure to meet anyone in online transsexual dating.
With conventional offline dating, your options are limited. But with online dating, you can meet a variety of interesting people. This increases the probability of you meeting the right person. The best thing about dating through a site specifically meant for transgender people is that you don’t have to worry so much about the chance of other people not knowing your identity. However, it’s best to be cautious and upfront. Reveal your identity to the person the moment you start communicating with them. You don’t want to waste your time talking to someone over a period of time who would run away the moment they hear you are trans.
Find Love through Friends
This has its pros and cons. The advantages are that you can be surer about the kind of person you would be dating. There would be fewer chances of them being a fraud or transphobic. The disadvantage obviously is that you have fairly limited options to choose from.
But as a transgender person, safety is one of your most important concerns. So from that point of view, dating someone through friends is quite safe. Your best bet would be to go out with someone who is directly known to your friends. That way you can be sure that they cannot harass you or get you into some kind of trouble. Another way to find a date is to obviously go to social gatherings of friends and friends of friends. Now here, you have to use your own judgment. One meets all kinds of people at social gatherings and not all of them will be personally known to your friends. So be a bit cautious and alert.
Ultimately, it’s all about your gut instinct. It’s rather unfortunate that as a trans person, you just have to worry about your safety all the time. Even when you are dating someone, the thing that preoccupies the most is if they will harm you or not. That reflects the sad state of affairs for trans people across the world. But things are changing, albeit slowly.
Stay Away from People who treat You Like Fetish
With trans people, unfortunately, there is a whole army of guys out there who would treat them like a fetish. It is easy to fall into the trap of such people because many a time, they might be the only ones wanting to date a trans person. And they’ll be so forthcoming and all that. You might just end up believing that they’ve fallen in love with you for good. But don’t fall into that trap. These guys are what we ‘chasers’. They are chasing you only because they want to get laid with someone who is a transgender. It sounds blunt but that’s the truth.
If you are just looking for some fun, it might not be that bad an idea. But if you are looking for dating someone, they’ll just end up hurting you. For a chaser, you are only an exotic fetish. They just want to check you out how you look when you guys get physical and then they are probably going to brag about it in front of their friends that I had a great night with a trans woman.
If you are a little bit alert, it’s pretty easy to spot the ‘trans fetish’ guy. He would seem to be so much into you that it would come across as too good to be true. And it will be that only if you take our word.
Always Listen to Your Gut Feeling
Our gut feeling is the voice of intuition. It might seem a bit illogical and superstitious at first but a gut feeling rarely goes wrong. You met someone through a transsexual dating app, it’s all going well and you are planning on meeting them for the first time. If there is a voice in the back of your head that says ‘no, don’t’, then you should listen to that voice.
It’s possible that you are over-thinking but even then, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Never try to negate your own intuition. Intuition will obviously not tell you the reasons behind something right away. But it will definitely give you a hint if the direction in which you are going is not quite right. And you’ll eventually figure out the reasons as well.
Be Safe
Safety is the most important thing. There are many psychos lurking out there whose only intention in life is to probably harm a transgender person. So take all the necessary precautions. If you go out on a date with someone, keep someone close to you informed. Text them the venue address. If possible, ask them to hang out somewhere close to the venue so that they are nearby if you need help.
Never meet anyone at their place for a date, no matter how much they sweet talk you into doing that. If they invite you for some house party or want to meet in some private place, just decline politely but firmly. When you date someone, make it a point to meet them only in public. Only when you are really sure this is getting somewhere for good, should you take it to the next level.
Try to do some investigation from your own end about the kind of person you are dating. One obvious way of doing this is to look for their profile on social media. Check out the information provided by them to see if there is any discrepancy between what they told you and what is out there. If you cannot find them on social media at all, that too is a red flag. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are dodgy but still, you should be on your guard.
Love is the most beautiful feeling of life. True love elevates us to another level. And you don’t deserve to go through hatred and abuse in the process of finding love. So just go slow and gentle and trust your instinct.
Never Lose Hope
As a transgender person trying to find love, it is quite possible that you feel dejected at times and begin to lose hope. But if you stay strong and resilient, you will definitely overcome it. If you have dated a couple of times and it still hasn’t worked out, just take a break and relax. Life is not always about dating. Just go with the flow and meet people. Sometimes, we meet that special person of our life in places and situations we are least expecting to. Dating is not the only way to meet the love of your life. Sometimes, when you just let go of certain things and live life, wonderful things happen.
Concentrate on yourself, your hobbies, and your interests. Redefine your life if you think you’ve gotten stuck into the same old, boring routine for long. Sometimes, things don’t work out because we get trapped in monotony. We don’t realize it at that time. But this monotony goes on circulating sameness and prevents new and exciting things from happening. Break the pattern.
Face Feminization Surgery or FFS for short, is a facial reconstruction procedure used to give a masculine face a more feminine appearance. It encompasses a broad range of systems designed to alter typical male features bringing them closer to a characteristic female feature. Some of the masculine features developed include various bony and soft tissues such as brows, nose, lips, forehead, cheek, and jawline.
Features in the upper third of the face seem to be the most important, and various procedures such as brow lift, rhinoplasty, and cheek implantation are included in face feminization surgery. However, subtle changes in the lips, such as lip augmentation can have a significant effect.
What
to Expect in Face Feminization Surgery
Facial feminization surgery might include;
1. Forehead contouring: Bony ridge above women’s eyes socket is less pronounced. The outlines of the forehead tend to be higher, smoother, and more vertical. Part of forehead bone can be cut, removed, reshaped, and fixed back in place to achieve this look.
2. Eye and lid modification: Here, excess tissues are cut away from the upper eyelids.
3. Cheek Augmentation: This procedure is done to achieve the prominent round cheeks women have in the middle third of their face. Cheek augmentation can be performed by breaking and moving the cheekbones into a different position. A different way is by taking fat from a separate part of the body and placing it in the cheeks to alter its size and shape.
4. Nose Reshaping: This procedure involves reducing the size of the nose and its angles for transgender women.
5. Lip lift and Augmentation: This procedure involves the use of implants to achieve a typical shorter and more curled female lip.
Some other procedures to expect are; Mandibular angle reduction, Genioplasty, Tracheal shave, Lowering the hairline, and Hair transplantation.
Definitive results after this surgery might take up to a year to appear. Face Feminization Surgery can be an essential part of gender transition that can dramatically improve the quality of life in mtfs.
It is completely normal for Trans Men do not want to get gender reassignment surgery for numerous reasons. This doesn’t mean you will have to look like a female for the rest of your life. Here are a few ways to make yourself look less feminine without having gender reassignment surgery:
Cutting Your Hair
Long hair is one trait generally associated with women and girls. So, if you want to look less feminine you should consider getting a haircut. The right haircut will highlight your face’s bone structure and make you look manlier. For the best haircuts, consult a barber or a hairdresser. These persons are trained in cutting hair and getting a botched haircut from yourself or a friend will make you look untidy or poorly groomed.
Binding Your Chest
Breasts are another trait associated with women and girls. If you want to look less feminine, they will have to go. But remember this is about looking less feminine without getting gender reassignment surgery. One way to reduce the appearance of your breasts is by binding them. There are many methods and tips available online for binding your chest but be careful not to choose any that may be harmful or may cause discomfort.
Getting a New Wardrobe
The right wardrobe can without a doubt make you look less feminine. Please note that this does not mean baggy pants, beanies, and oversized shirts. This simply means choosing the right kinds of clothes. Certain patterns on shirts can accentuate the bulge your breasts make, such as stripes, and should be avoided. Pleated pants and skinny jeans hug your curves and make you look feminine. Avoid those and opt for straight cut pants that will hide your bum and your curves. Trade in those flats and heels for sneakers, boots and male shoes. Accessories such as belts and watches can also make you look more masculine.
Packing
To be taken seriously as a man, you must have a bulge. This is the outline of your penis in jeans or shorts. Because you are not getting the surgery, you will have to improvise. Luckily, there are many underpants that come with built-in bulges and are designed specifically for FTM Transgender Men. You don't have to pack every day, but it certainly makes you look much more believable. You will have to decide if you want to hard pack or soft pack but this all depends on your environment. If you have a hard pack everywhere you will look like a pervert. So please bear in mind your surroundings and the people that will be around you.
Adapting Masculine Mannerisms
The way you walk, talk, dress, sit, stand or even eat can make or break your efforts to look less feminine. Men usually maintain good posture and sit with their legs open. They also walk tall, without swinging hips, with their shoulders back and heads held high. Certain phrases and terms of endearment are rarely used by men and should be avoided. Try to observe the men in your surroundings and mimic their movements and soon you’ll catch on to what society deems as “masculine behavior”. Making yourself look less feminine without getting “the surgery” is not entirely difficult and if done properly, no one will be able to tell the difference!
For trans women, looking masculine can really take a toll on mental health and overall happiness. The persons around you may knowingly or unknowingly refer to you as "he" or "him" simply because of the way you look. But a beard, large arms or flat chest doesn't make you any less of a woman than a girl with big boobs and broad hips. For personal reasons, you may opt to not get gender reassignment surgery and that is completely fine. It is your life and you should live it the best way you see fit. Here are a few ways to make yourself look less masculine without getting “the surgery”
Making Your Face Appear Less Masculine
If your face looks too masculine, people will assume you are a man. One way to beat this is by completely removing all facial hair, except for your eyebrows. Your eyebrows should be shaved, tweezed, waxed or plucked. After all, they are the frame of your face and can make or break your entire look. Makeup is a great option for making your skin appear smoother, highlighting certain features and hiding others. But be sure to buy quality brands and get a lot of practice before going out into the world. And, if done properly, there's no way to tell that you are a MTF trans woman. You can also grow out your hair or add extensions to feminize your face. The right hairstyle can make that chiseled face look less pronounced and improve your overall appearance.
Making Your Hands Appear Less Masculine
When you look at or feel a woman's hands, generally they are smooth and soft to the touch. If you want to appear less masculine your hands are one part of the body that you must pay keen attention to. One way to make your hands appear less masculine is by moisturizing and conditioning the skin on your hands. This will over time soften the way your hands feel. Some great moisturizers are Coconut oil, Cocoa butter, Argan oil, and Jojoba oil. Another way to feminize your hands is by getting pedicures. Women are expected to have neat, attractive fingernails and by getting a pedicure the overall appearance of your hands will surely be less masculine. You may also get acrylic nails or gel polish styles that are in style now.
Lastly, jewelry is another way that is sure to make your hands appear less masculine. From rings to bracelets to bangles, there is an unlimited supply of jewelry that you can choose from in many different shapes, sizes, colors and designs at varied price points.
Wearing Feminine Clothes
Wearing feminine clothes is a big step in any trans woman's life. The right clothes can boost your confidence and make the people around you more accepting of you. Dresses, skirts, and heels are great options but if you are shy, try feminine jeans or blouses. There are many other ways to make yourself appear less masculine without having gender reassignment surgery. Hopefully, these tips help!