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Trust is the most important aspect of any relationship. Mutual trust can make a relationship beautiful and meaningful over time but the lack of it can make any romantic association go down the winding path. A trans woman is a special creature in the sense that her trust has been betrayed multiple times. A cis woman might have had it rough as well in relationships. But for a trans woman, it’s a different ball game altogether. Her life story is full of mental and psychological cuts and bruises. It’s not just her ex-lovers though who have broken her trust or hurt her badly. She has to face the hatred and censure of the entire society because of her identity. Her friends, neighbours, family, all have hurt her sensibilities at a certain point in time.

So, if you have just started dating her through a trans girl dating site or a transsexual dating site, you got to realize that a slow and steady path is just the right approach. Someone who wants to win the love and trust of a trans woman has to gently heal all her past wounds. And then she would slowly but surreptitiously transform into a magical, fairy-like creature, her eyes shining with love for her partner. Trans woman dating is certainly not easy but it’s a wonderful experience. She is a super-strong creature. And that’s a part of her appeal. She has been hurt and wronged so many times and yet, she hasn’t lost her faith in the possibility of love. She is scared, traumatized and a bit unsure maybe, but she still looks for love everywhere. And once you build that level of trust with her, she would reciprocate your love with the utmost sincerity and devotion.

You seemed to have met the woman of your life through a transgender dating site and now you just want to take things forward. This article lists out a couple of points that would help you understand how to go about establishing trust in trans woman dating and relationships.

Be Committed to Your Trans Woman

Commitment doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to go out of your way to prove something. It just means that one has to treat their partner with utmost dignity and respect. It doesn’t have to be larger than life gestures. On the contrary, it is the little things that matter most. When you plan out a date with your trans woman, make it a point to be always punctual or even before time. Do discuss the future of your relationship with her every now and then. Tell her about your plans for the future. This will instill a level of trust and confidence in her that you see the relationship as something serious and long term.

Show genuine interest in her life. Listen to her attentively when she tells you excitedly about her hobbies and achievements. And just be there for her when she tells you all about her fears and insecurities. Love is not just about the nice things, after all. It is about sharing everything together and that includes both the good and the bad. Once your trans woman truly feels that you care for her from the core of your heart, she will give you her trust lovingly and willingly.

Stay Faithful to Her

Loyalty is an important aspect of any relationship. Even if you are dating a cis woman, she would expect you to be loyal and faithful.  She would obviously want that as her boyfriend, your romantic interests are reserved exclusively for her. It’s just the same in trans girl dating. You have to be faithful to your trans woman partner. And once she becomes sure of your exclusive commitment and affection for her, winning her trust won’t be difficult.

On the contrary, if you are routinely unfaithful to her and frequently lie in order to cover up your mistakes, all hell will break loose. A trans woman is a super intuitive creature. Because of her past experiences, she has learnt the art of seeing through people and their pretences. So, you cannot bluff her for long. A trans woman is a beautiful creature inside out. She is an embodiment of femininity and love. So, if you are faithful to her and treat your relationship with the sincerity and devotion it so deserves, she will begin to trust you eventually.

Do Give Her Some Personal Space

Two people in a relationship spend a lot of time together. And that is so important for taking the relationship forward. But we all are individuals at the end of the day. In trans girl dating, you have to realize that your trans woman also has her own set of interests and ideas to pursue. So, you shouldn’t make her feel as if you are infringing on her personal space. Everybody has a sense of personal space. Some people like to be left alone when they are working on something. Others need some time by themselves every now and then just to recharge their creative and emotional energies. So, you have to respect that personal space of your trans woman and just let her be. Because if she feels like you are on her nerves all the time, she is just going to freak out. And this is not good news from the point of view of winning her trust.

Giving somebody personal space doesn’t just translate into leaving them alone when they want to be left alone. It also implies that you don’t constantly pester them to speak up on things they don’t want to talk about. Maybe you are just literally dying to know about her views on something. But perhaps she is in a different time frame. So don’t get obsessive and irritate her. Just give her some space.

In trans woman dating or any kind of dating, giving the partner some space can be super beneficial for the relationship in long run. In such a relationship, there is a greater degree of mutual understanding and respect. Also, there are no insecurities and jealousies. Insecurities crop up when you try to own the other person all the time. But if you and your trans woman realize and appreciate the fact that you two also have a life outside of your relationship, then your love and commitment get even stronger.

Be Honest in Your Intentions

Honesty is the building block of any relationship. When you’ve met somebody through a trans dating site or a transgender dating app and want to take things forward, it’s obvious that they want to figure out if your intentions are genuine. Your trans woman wants to know if you are looking for a serious long-term relationship or just a fling. Your interest in her has to be genuine. If you are just interested in her because of her looks or because you are fascinated by the fact that she is trans, she will see through your pretences right away. You cannot treat her like a fetish. Only if you are genuinely interested in her as a woman, she will reciprocate your interest and trust you.

So even as you are talking to a trans woman through a trans woman dating site or a trans dating app, just ask yourself this honest question. Are you genuinely interested in dating her or are you just curious about her identity? If you are confused about what you actually want, it’s better to back out or go real slow than hurt the other person. A trans woman has a history of guys being disrespectful to her or treating her as some kind of fetish. So please don’t jump onto that bandwagon. Take things forward only if you are honestly interested in knowing her as a person.

It’s just liked any other relationship. The woman you are dating wants to be valued for what she is and not for her looks, money, position or status. With a trans woman, there is an added possibility that some guys just want to date her because they want to know how it is like to be with a trans woman. That is just rude and disrespectful. She is a woman like any other, not an object of enquiry. So, in trans woman dating, the most important step towards winning the trust of your partner is that you have to be absolutely honest in your intentions.

You Got to Value Your Relationship

Mutual trust comes through only when both partners truly value their relationship. Valuing a relationship doesn’t mean that you try to impress your trans woman with sweet and romantic words day and night that how much you love her and all that. Sweet words come to nothing unless they are aided by concrete action. You have to invest time and energy in your relationship. Your trans woman has to get the feeling that she is a priority for you. Only then will she give you her love and trust.

In trans girl dating or trans woman dating, valuing a relationship means that you are constantly attentive towards the needs and desires of your partner. It means that you are always making new and exciting plans to make them happy, to bring a smile to their face. Valuing your trans woman means that it’s not a big deal for you to take a day off work and be by her side when she is not feeling well. Surprise her every now and then with a gift, chocolates, flowers or with tickets for her favourite movie. It isn’t about how much money you spend. It’s about the kind of time you are investing in your relationship and the effort you are making to make your trans woman feel special and loved.

Love is not rocket science. If you trans woman feels truly loved and valued, then she will certainly give you her trust and love with all her heart.

So, you have joined a transgender dating site or a transgender dating app and are looking forward to dating a gorgeous trans woman. You have probably started talking to a few and are trying to figure out the one who could end up as your soulmate! Sounds good but before you take the plunge, you got to keep in mind a few basics of dating a transgender woman.

In trans girl dating or trans woman dating, you have to adhere to certain basic principles. There are some things that you should do proactively while there are others that you should totally avoid. There is no rulebook as such but these are really just pointing from the old school book of gentlemanly code of conduct. It is like the rules you follow while dating a cis woman. In trans woman dating, you have to stick to those rules even more religiously because she has had quite a rough past already; dealing with societal prejudices during transitioning has not been easy for her. So, if you have chosen to date her, she needs your full support and that includes always being by her side, no matter what.

One has to also understand the practical nature of the situation. Dating a trans woman is like nurturing a rose, which is beautiful and divine but you have to deal with the thorns that come with it. You got to realize that your friends and family might not even accept your relationship. But that shouldn’t deter you from being with her. If you love her with all your heart and soul, then nothing should stop you from being together.

Below are listed some points that would equip you with a basic roadmap with regard to the things you should do while dating a trans woman and things and scenarios you should avoid. Whether you’ve met her through a trans dating site or a transgender dating app, following these rules would be good for your relationship.

DOS

Think through your Decision before Taking the Plunge

This is the most important aspect of dating a transgender woman. Before you commit to her, you have to be sure in your mind that you really want to date her. Please don’t take the plunge half-heartedly. Take your time and think through your decision. One has to realize that the journey of dating a trans woman will be full of societal apathy and downright disapproval. You have to be strong enough to deal with all that. Your own family might desert you at a certain point in time. Unfortunately, that is the kind of stigma attached to dating a transgender person. So, you have to tell yourself that you will muster up the courage and willpower to overcome all these obstacles.

Also, you have to sort out your own prejudices with regard to a trans woman. You have to accept the fact that she is a woman like any other and dating her won’t make you gay. It is important to be at peace with one’s own decision before taking the final plunge and joining a trans dating app or a trans dating site.

Take Good Care of your Physical and Mental Self

A trans woman is a beauty personified. She is a super well-groomed Goddess! It’s not easy to impress her. Only a guy who takes great care of his physical and mental being is capable of melting her heart. So, while dating a trans woman, just follow the basic principles of good overall grooming. Maintain personal hygiene, dress well and take care of your hair, skin and nails. Always make sure you smell nice, body odour can be a put off for any woman, trans or cis.

You have to also take good care of your physical health. Have some kind of a regular exercise routine. Hit the gym if you need to. When you’ve just started dating a trans woman through a trans girl dating site or a ts dating app, it’s tempting to make way too much effort in dressing up and go overboard. Resist that urge. You want to dress smart and chic but in a way that also seems effortless and casual. You don’t want to be meeting her on a date all dressed up like you were going to attend a wedding party!

Last but not the least, it is important to take care of your mental wellbeing. When your mind is at peace, your face shows it. A handsome face that glows with vitality and the aura of positivity speaks of an evolved and peaceful mind. Practice yoga and meditation. Relax yourself through regular massages or a spa session. Just make sure to unwind once in a while and give rest to your mind. This will ensure that when you finally meet your trans woman on that dream date, you will surely be at your best.

Compliment her Frequently

A trans woman walks that extra mile when it comes to taking care of her looks and appearance. She is always super well-groomed. You would never find her turn up slovenly for a date. Her dressing sense is stylish, chic and feminine. She has mastered the art of applying makeup.

She is well-read and has above average communication skills. Your trans woman is a thinking lady and she has an opinion on issues around her. She has worked hard to perfect her body and mind. So, she surely deserves a heartfelt compliment every now and then. Not that she needs it but hearing those great words from her man, again and again, would reassure her of his love and care.
 

You Have to Stand Up for Her.

This is the most important aspect of your relationship with a transgender woman. As the adage goes, “Actions Speak Louder than Words’. No matter how much you compliment her or give her flowers or gifts, what matters the most is your support to her in difficult times.

And a trans woman’s life is full of difficult times. So, you have to be tough enough to confront your family, friends and society at large for the sake of your love. Your family might say the most inappropriate of things about her. In such a scenario, it’s your duty to stand by her and tell your family firmly that they cannot insult the love of your life.

While you are dating her, it is possible that your social life might just go all haywire. Your friends might not want to hang out with you as earlier. It is possible that they avoid you or desert you completely. You still have to be courageous and never leave her side.

Once you manage to stand with her through thick and thin, your friends and family will also understand that they can’t separate the two of you and will eventually accept your relationship. But till then, you just have to keep going and support your trans lady love in every possible way.

DONT'S

Do Not Treat Her as a Fetish

When you have just started dating her through a transgender dating site or a transsexual dating site, you have to be very careful about the way you treat her. Many straight guys want to date a trans woman only because they are curious about her identity and they want to experience how it is like to date a trans woman. You should never date a trans woman with that kind of motive. A guy has to understand that she is a woman like any other and not some kind of exotic kink or fetish to satiate your perversion.

In trans girl dating or trans woman dating, there are some boundaries that have to be always respected. When you are out with her on the first date, don’t bombard her with questions pertaining to her past life or ask her bluntly what organs she has. This is rude and disrespectful. A trans woman is a lady of dignity. If you treat her like this on your first date, chances are she is never going to see you again.

And it’s not just about the first date. Whenever you go out with her, treat her like you would any other woman. Connect with her at an individual level, ask her about her hobbies, interests, what she likes to read, whether she enjoys watching movies or listening to music, that kind of stuff.  

Once your relationship progresses to a certain level, it’s possible that she herself opens up about her past life and experiences. But that’s totally her call. You have no right to force her to do so. Just respect certain boundaries and you will definitely win her trust and love in due course of time.

Don’t Make Her Feel Uncomfortable

Many guys have a habit of treating a woman like a commodity. And when it comes to trans woman, they cross all boundaries of decorum and decency as they think it’s alright to say and do anything to her because she is trans. If you have met someone through a transgender dating app or a trans dating site and you treat them like this, chances are they would never want to see you again.

No matter how gorgeous her body is or how promising her assets look, you have no right to treat a trans woman as a mere commodity for your physical pleasure and gratification. Do not even talk about the physical aspect of love during the first couple of dates. You would just come across as creepy and desperate if you insist on that during the early stages of your dating. As and when she is comfortable with you, things will probably happen. But physical pleasure can’t be your ulterior motive in wanting to date her. Get to know her as a person. That is primary and everything else comes after that.

Respect certain boundaries. Don’t try to strike an amorous conversation with her. If she is feeling uncomfortable, just change the topic right away. Only if you treat a trans woman with dignity and respect, you can be hopeful of winning her love and trust.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society where trans phobia is more common than rare. Most families would have some kind of prejudice against a transgender person. So, the most important thing is not to freak out when your family tells you that they won’t accept your relationship under any circumstances. Stand your ground firmly but at the same time, do not mess up things with your family either.

This article gives you a couple of tips that would come in useful while dealing with a family that doesn’t accept your transgender partner.

Communicate With Your Family

This is the most important thing. You have to constantly communicate with your family in order to make them understand the importance of you dating that particular person. If you know for sure that your parents are heavily prejudiced against transgender people, don’t tell them everything in one go. Create the right ambience for revealing the truth. Try to build a conversation around general topics like how all individuals are unique and different and how it is important to not judge anyone by their identity tag. Take the conversation a bit further and then try talking about transgender people; explain to them how society has changed and that people can live the life of their choice without being judged.

Once you feel the conversation is getting somewhere, you can make the big announcement. They might be totally shocked and outright dismissive of the relationship.  Take it easy. Do not freak out. Prejudices don’t go away that fast. Give them some time for the reality to sink in. Always keep open the channels of communication.

After the initial task of communicating to them the gender identity of your partner, it’s important to focus more on their personality and attributes. Tell your parents about the great personality traits of your partner. Open up to them about your journey together that how your partner has changed your life for good. Talking about the positive aspects of your relationship is a good way to convince your parents. After a point, the conversation shouldn’t revolve around your partner’s trans identity. It should be simply about them as an individual.

Create Certain Boundaries

You love and respect your family and it should be always like that. But at the same time, you have to make it clear that they cannot disrespect your trans partner. When you meet someone through a transgender dating app and begin to date them, you both have to take a vow of safeguarding each other’s integrity and respect. That is the basic foundation of a good relationship.

So, if any of your family members begin to say rude and disrespectful things about your partner, ask them to stop the conversation right away. Don’t lose your calm. Tell them politely but firmly that you don’t think that’s a nice way to talk about your partner. If they still persist, just walk away saying you would see them perhaps some other time. There is no point in arguing and counterarguing. Just tell them firmly that you can’t continue the conversation if they talk about your partner like that. If they still don’t understand, just leave. This would have a powerful impact and set automatic boundaries.

It is important to find the right balance between your relationship with your parents and your partner. While your partner deserves all your love and respect, your parents too are important. They have their own perspective and even though it’s wrong, you just cannot shout at them or be rude because they are your family. That is where setting boundaries work. If you just lay down certain rules as to what you would and what you wouldn’t tolerate, you can still maintain a normal relationship with your family.

Do Not Compromise on Your Partner’s Self Respect

While it’s important to respect your family, it’s equally important that you take a stand when things get too much. If they have disrespected your partner in person and he/she is hurt, it’s about time you stop taking your partner to meet your family. It’s simply not worth it. While it’s good to keep trying that your family accepts the relationship, your partner cannot be a scapegoat in the sequence of things. If things have reached a critical point, it’s best to take a break. Start maintaining a certain distance. Communicate to them through your cold behaviour that you don’t approve of the way they treat your partner.

A transgender person has literally gone through a lot of hell in life. They need your unconditional love and support. So, if your family is constantly disrespecting them, just don’t get your partner involved in that drama. Keep a separate relationship with your family but keep your partner out of it.

Also, when you are alone with your partner, address any concerns that they have about your family. It is natural that they would be a bit scared and insecure thinking you might leave them because of your family. Comfort your partner and tell him/her that you would always be by their side, no matter what. Remember that family is a touchy subject with transgender people because they might be facing some issues from their own families.

When you’ve taken the plunge to date a transgender person through a trans dating site, it’s equally important that you stand up for their cause.

Accept the Reality

While it may be disheartening to know that your family will probably never accept your trans partner, it’s important to accept the reality. There is hope as long as we live but sometimes, we have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Make it clear to your family members that irrespective of whatever they think of the relationship, they have to respect your partner. Give them the message that you would slowly start withdrawing from their world if they are hostile to your partner.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to do that balancing act between your family and partner. You are probably attached to your family a lot. And it can hurt like hell. But you have to be strong and face the truth, no matter what.

It’s also a good time to introspect your level of commitment to your partner. If you are willing to sacrifice your family for someone, you are really in love with them. If your relationship is meaningless and futile and you just miss your family all the time, it’s time to do a reality check.

Seek Counselling or Support

Despite the best of your efforts, things can get really messy. If it reaches that point where your mental health has begun to suffer, look for professional counselling. Having sessions with a professional counsellor would help you locate your priorities better. You would have a better grasp of your own thought process and be able to respond to the situation in a way more controlled manner.

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Communicating your concerns to friends who understand your viewpoint is also a great way to come out of this mess. If your family is really important to you and you can’t live without them either, these friends can become a bridge between you and them. They can try and take up your case.

It’s also important to communicate your concerns to your partner. Tell him/her that you love them from the core of your heart but you are also missing your family. A transgender person has seen so many challenges in life that they understand the importance of a loving and supportive family. Even if your family doesn’t accept them, they wouldn’t mind you being on normal terms with them as long as it doesn’t infringe on your relationship. From your end, you should try your best to keep a working relationship with your family. But you got to make it clear to them that they have to respect your partner.

Just Relax and Unwind

If all the thinking and reflection gets too much for you, just put everything aside and relax. Spend quality time with your partner. Love is no less than therapy. Indulge in activities that make you happy; singing, painting, dancing, running, whatever it is. Bond with your partner over fun activities.

Never underestimate the power of a good laugh! Laughter is the best medicine for all our woes. It heals us and fixes wounds automatically. So, exercise your sense of humour and have a good laugh with your partner and friends!

As far as your family goes, just keep up the hope that they will eventually come around. Transsexual dating is not easy. It is expected that one faces many challenges. But stay optimistic and upbeat. That can solve a lot of problems.

1. With their professional history

2. With other people in their work environment

3. With organizational policies and practices.

Face-to-face semi-structured interviews were made with six transgender persons that work in organizations. From these narratives, it was found that the person's level of passing usually influences their relations and that the ignorance regarding transgender permeates all three domains of relations.

The Conclusions are:

1. The relations with work are marked by opportunity restrictions

2. The relations in the job hold the person responsible for their own intelligibility and safety

3. The relations with the organization vary according to the way it faces transgenderism and its own voice systems.

Transgenders are “people whose gender identity is different from their assigned gender at birth”. Individuals who identify themselves as transgender usually seek gender reassignment treatments, which may or may not include gender reassignment surgery. Transgender women (or trans women) are people whose body is read as male and whose gender identity is a woman. They usually go through treatments to acquire characteristics typical of the female gender and adopt names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as female. A transgender man (or trans man), in turn, is one whose body is read as female and whose gender identity is a man. They seek to acquire characteristics that are typical of the male gender and use names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as male. When considering their choice of work and hiring and admission processes, the word employed most often by respondents is if they are passable, the degree to which others take a transgender person as cisgender.

In practice, the higher a transgender person is passable, the less likely they are to suffer transphobia: if one's gender expression allows them to be seen by others as cisgender, they will not be subject to the prejudice and discrimination aimed at transgender people, increasing their chances of entering and remaining in the formal labor market. Two aspects affect them being passable: one's name and one's appearance. The ignorance regarding transgender people not only permeates the relations transgender people keep with others in their work environment, but also with the organization itself. The result is that trans phobia creates and maintains difficulties for transgender people in entering and remaining in the formal labor market.