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VIPCommitting the entirety of your life to a partner is something many people strive for, regardless of gender and orientation. While some might call it an outdated tradition, or criticize the patriarchal background that the custom carries, at the end of the day, marriage can also be a powerful step for a relationship.
For Felix and Helen Fenton, their wedding day was even more meaningful. Both of them are transgender - theirs is Britain’s first double sex swap wedding. Felix said: “This is the first day of the life I always wanted to lead – as the right love with the right person by my side.”
The Fentons’ shared their journey with the public to show that transgender dating is just as beautiful as any other love.
This inspired Maxwell and Janis, who used to be Ian, and found her soulmate in Maxwell, to ask the Fentons to be their best man and bridesmaid respectively. For Maxwell and Janis, their celebration was not a traditional marriage, but a renewal of their vows.
Jamie Eagle and Louis Davies are another double sex swap wedding who chose to broadcast their marriage: The 21-year-old bride, Jamie, was assigned male at birth, and the 26-year-old groom, Louis, was assigned female at birth. And given the struggles and the pain that often goes along with a transgender person’s journey towards their true identity, they kept wondering whether or not their big day would ever happen. When it finally was on the horizon, they received a chance to be featured on Sky Living’s “Forbidden Love” series.
“We thought long and hard before agreeing to it, because life is difficult enough for us, without TV cameras encroaching into our daily lives and struggles,” admits Louis. “But in the end, that was our motive for going ahead. We want people to have a sense of what our lives are really like so that when they talk about transgender issues, they are more informed.” Sky Living’s finished documentation of the event offers an educational, insightful, and quite moving glimpse at Jamie Eagle and Louis Davies’ special day.
Their stories of finding love as well as their true gender identity are one of many.
Daliah Husu, for instance, who was born Luis Miguel Morris, married her husband Ruben Husu. Daliah was just four years old when she realized she was different from other boys – she loved dressing up as a lady. She said: “My aunt used to call me ‘little woman’. It was her way of saying: ‘It’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with it’.”
Britain’s highest-ranking and openly transgender soldier, Army Captain Hannah Winterbourne married her partner, actor Jake Graf, in 2018. Instead of giving presents, their guests donated to the wedding fund as well as the surgery fund to support Hannah’s journey.
Transgender celebrities also tie the knot: Transgender model Carmen Carrera and husband Adrian Torres feel truly blessed: “Honestly,” says Carrera, “knowing that I was going home a married woman gave me a sense of peace... This wedding has given us a sense of freedom to be proud of what we have and who we are. Celebrating our love and what we call our 'modern, modern family,' lets us know that we belong here and that we also have a place to raise a family of our own on our terms. We feel truly blessed."
Meanwhile, transgender icon Janet Mock and Aaron Tredwell had a dreamy Hawaiian wedding on the island of Oahu. "I struggled to imagine what my big day would look like,” admits Janet Mock, “because I'd never let myself believe I'd have one. I never imagined I'd be a bride.” To that, the photographer groom, who proposed to Mock after five years of dating, said, “I know she felt that way, and I say it's ridiculous. I'm the lucky one in this relationship. I'll be forever grateful that she chose me.”
As the examples of publicized weddings show, committing your life to your soulmate does not need to be a private affair. Several transgender brides and grooms have taken it upon themselves to wield the interest their transgender identities garner to further a political mission.
For instance, Russian trans woman Irina Shumilova and cisgender woman Alyona Fursova broke no laws when they married. The reason: Irina Shumilova wasn’t able to amend her legal documents, which still identify her as male, before their ceremony. However, their union did cause ripples with the proponents of the ‘gay propaganda’ law in Russia: The couple has used the not-yet updated document as a chance to officially register their relationship since, under the Family Code of Russia, marriage is “a voluntary consent of a man and a woman.”
In Havana, Ignacio Estrada and Wendy Iriepa, born as Alexis, joined their lives together in a simple civil ceremony on the same day as Fidel Castro's 85th birthday. They called the wedding a “gift” to the former leader. Then, they draped themselves in the rainbow flag of gay pride to ride through the streets of the city.
In Malta, transgender woman Joanne Cassar fought an eight-year legal battle for her right to marry, thus paving the way for herself and others. She eventually became Joanne Sciberras Edwards with her new husband Kurstin.
India saw its first transgender couple marry under the Special Marriage Act in May 2018. Surya and Ishaan K Shaan celebrated their big day with over 500 guests, including Ishaan’s father, mother, and sister.
Advice If You, Too, Want to Have a Transgender Wedding
Well, first and foremost, you will need to find the right partner. Yet thanks to transgender datings sites that connect you to thousands of potential dates all around the globe, this is easier nowadays than it used to be ever before.
If your goal is to enter a long-term or even life-long relationship, however, you need to be open and honest about this to avoid falling in love with someone who does not share your life’s dream of marriage.
Once you have found the perfect match and you are both ready to commit, here are a few aspects to consider if one or both of you are part of the transgender community:
— Beware of legal pitfalls: More and more countries and states have legalized same-sex marriages. So if you and your partner share the same gender after transitioning, you need to be aware of the legal circumstances in your country. If you are a male-female couple where one partner has transitioned, you might need to wait for name changes and gender changes to become official since you need a birth certificate to marry.
— Take care when choosing vendors and venues: As headlines in recent years have repeatedly shown, there are many businesses that do not wish to tell to the queer community. If you are a same-sex couple or a trans/genderqueer/nonbinary couple, there is a risk you will have to deal with bigoted attitudes. So choose vendors carefully. Ask around in your local community for recommendations. Ideally, you know other LGBTQIA+ couples who celebrated their weddings and will be able to help you.
— Consider what you share via social media: As instagramable as your wedding might be, keep in mind that the internet is home to a large number of narrow-minded people. If your ceremony includes transgender brides, grooms, or nonbinary partners, chances are you might attract harassment online. Be aware of this risk and talk through the implications with each other before you decide to share any photos or videos of your special day.
— Family troubles: Unfortunately, some family members might not approve of your union. This affects queer people and transgender couples alike. Not having one’s family at one’s wedding can hurt, and the affected partner will need considerable support even if the rift between them and their family members is not new. Yet be sure to talk about how best you can help your partner – not everyone appreciates someone coming in on a high horse and taking care of a situation. Only act when you know your partner wants you to.
— Cis partners require care, too: That said, let’s not ignore the fact that cisgender partners in a trans wedding will need support as well. While they may have spent a long time with their transgender partner and even been a powerful ally for the trans community, this does not always prepare them sufficiently to handle the added stress of a wedding. A cisgender partner might be embarrassed or even enraged by other people’s ignorance of transgender issues and concerns and thus have profound emotional reactions.
As different as some aspects of transgender weddings may be, they do not differ from any other wedding in this central truth: Both partners need care and support in the wedding planning process. While the actual day can be magical, the road that leads to this happy moment is often stressful and filled with challenges. That holds true for couples of all genders and orientations.
Remember the goal: committing yourself for life to the person you love. Focussing on the joyous outcome will help you both get through even the hardest and most difficult moments in your journey to marry.
VIP
He Born to Dominican parents, New York local, Laith Ashley propelled his career with a monumental campaign for Barneys New York, shot by Bruce Weber. Making his introduction as one of the primary trans male models to ever show up in a national campaign, was just the start.
A graduate of Fairfield University, he studied psychology with a focus in research, religion, and law. Laith started his transition at the end of January 2014 and found that modeling constrained him to confront himself in ways he never envisioned. Laith was the main male model on Oxygen's TV show, 'STRUT' and has been highlighted on a few covers, including Attitude magazine.
He has strolled in fashion shows for major designers and has been highlighted in Vogue Hommes. A defender for social equity, Laith has done incalculable interviews, empowering social change and advocating for equitable rights for LGBT people, and additionally speaking on the significance of decent variety at universities in the US and abroad.
There is a side to Laith Ashley that presently can't seem to be seen by the majority. A born entertainer, Laith is a vocalist, a songwriter, and dancer. His greatest dream was to impart these endowments to the world, and now he at long last will.
VIP
Relationship partners of transgender-identified individuals have distinctive couple-related experiences that are important to understanding. The “Organizational Diversity” field concentrates studies on the experiences of groups that are different from the archetypal male, white, heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied and western worker. When analyzing the studies regarding gender relations, however, one perceives their concentration on the dynamics between men and women localized in developed western countries. Transgender persons are persons whose identity and/or gender expression differs from what is socially attributed to their bodies, breaking with the heteronormative logic.
In Brazil, where only the bodies within this discourse are legitimate, this group is systematically excluded from a myriad of spaces including the formal job market. Therefore, the experiences of these people at and with work are invisible to organizational diversity's theory and practice.
To explore this issue, this study analyses the perceptions that the transgender person maintains about their relations:
1. With their professional history
2. With other people in their work environment
3. With organizational policies and practices.
Face-to-face semi-structured interviews were made with six transgender persons that work in organizations. From these narratives, it was found that the person's level of passing usually influences their relations and that the ignorance regarding transgender permeates all three domains of relations.
The Conclusions are:
1. The relations with work are marked by opportunity restrictions
2. The relations in the job hold the person responsible for their own intelligibility and safety
3. The relations with the organization vary according to the way it faces transgenderism and its own voice systems.
Transgenders are “people whose gender identity is different from their assigned gender at birth”. Individuals who identify themselves as transgender usually seek gender reassignment treatments, which may or may not include gender reassignment surgery. Transgender women (or trans women) are people whose body is read as male and whose gender identity is a woman. They usually go through treatments to acquire characteristics typical of the female gender and adopt names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as female. A transgender man (or trans man), in turn, is one whose body is read as female and whose gender identity is a man. They seek to acquire characteristics that are typical of the male gender and use names, clothes, and mannerisms seen as male. When considering their choice of work and hiring and admission processes, the word employed most often by respondents is if they are passable, the degree to which others take a transgender person as cisgender.
In practice, the higher a transgender person is passable, the less likely they are to suffer transphobia: if one's gender expression allows them to be seen by others as cisgender, they will not be subject to the prejudice and discrimination aimed at transgender people, increasing their chances of entering and remaining in the formal labor market. Two aspects affect them being passable: one's name and one's appearance. The ignorance regarding transgender people not only permeates the relations transgender people keep with others in their work environment, but also with the organization itself. The result is that trans phobia creates and maintains difficulties for transgender people in entering and remaining in the formal labor market.
VIPA trans man can get too preoccupied with the idea of society. Whether the society accepts him, what should he do in order to make other people appreciate him and love him; all these questions bother him incessantly. In the process, he forgets to love himself.
The first step to making anybody else admire you is to love and value yourself. It’s as simple as that. But still, we look for recognition at all wrong places, changing ourselves beyond recognition; even torturing ourselves just to get the approval of other people. But it’s like a vicious circle. We don’t get anywhere. We get trapped in multiple images we have created of ourselves for the world to see. But none of these images match the real us. We have forgotten to love own self in the process.
It’s important for a trans man to break through those barriers of negativity that he has built all around himself. He has to stop seeing himself from the lens of so-called society. A transgender guy has to embark on a very personal inner journey, one that makes him connect with himself, one that makes him see his self in all its glories and follies and then loves it to the core.
Everybody gets enamored by narcissistic people. Why is that so? It is because we see in them a part of ourselves that we are almost scared to embrace. A bit of narcissism is good for all of us. As a trans guy, it also makes life somewhat less challenging for you. You deal with the practical problems of your life in a matter-of-fact way but you don’t let those build a wall of negativity around you. In other words, you stop seeing yourself in the light of others.
When you came out as a trans guy, not everyone supported you in that decision. Maybe, even your family abandoned you. These are some harsh realities of life you have to learn to live with. And you don’t have the courage to accept these realities until you learn to be compassionate with yourself. When your world is centered around your own being, your heart also expands. You forgive others willingly and just concentrate on the pursuit of your goals, ambitions, and happiness.
This article tells you about some ways in which you can love yourself.
Pamper Yourself
The first step to loving yourself is taking pride in your physical appearance and being. Pamper yourself. Take time out to relax. Go for solo holidays. Shop generously whenever you get time. If you have a particular hobby, make some time for it. Treat yourself like a prince. Exercise regularly and eat super healthy. It is a psychological fact that when we look in the mirror and see good results in terms of fitness, skin glow, etc, our entire being radiates with positivity and happiness. And we spread this aura all around.
Make a list of your best qualities
Now, you don’t have to literally make a list. But just think of your best qualities and tell yourself about them. Everyone has certain attributes. Some people are very kind and compassionate. Others have a great sense of humor. Some have a lot of patience. Others have the ability to think spontaneously in any given situation and make quick decisions. What are your special qualities? Think about these and then remind yourself every day about your best attributes.
This might sound very strange but it will fill your life with motivation and confidence. As a trans man, you spend too much time thinking about your identity and how the world doesn’t accept it and all that. In the process, you fail to appreciate yourself as an individual. Reminding oneself of their best qualities every day helps break the cycle of negativity. You will learn to see yourself in a new light. As a trans guy, your attention will be diverted away from the problems of your life to the unique aura and power of your own personality.
Never Hold a Grudge Against Yourself
We all have a tendency to blame ourselves for something or the other. If some decision in the past went wrong, we remember it all the time and spend our present in regret. As a trans man, you have to break free of these shackles of negativity. You are only human at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect. Even heads of state make the biggest of blunders. The only way to fix a past mistake is to learn a lesson and move on. Holding a grudge against yourself is just going to get you miserable.
Look at Everything in a Positive Light
Now, this one is tricky. How do you look at horrible and negative experiences in a positive light? It’s not easy but very much possible. Suppose you dated someone through a transgender dating site. You guys met and everything and when you thought it was going really well, the whole thing just collapsed. This has made you so sensitive and edgy that you are off the idea of dating. But if you choose to look at that experience positively, your whole life will change. You got saved the burden of a terrible relationship. Think of it that way. Had you been with that person for long, maybe it could have been worse. So you just saved yourself and your energy.
Life is like a roller coaster ride. But even from the worst of experiences, we learn something valuable. And these bad experiences make all the good things that follow totally worthwhile. Once you learn to see everything in a positive light, you would stop being bitter and harsh on yourself.
Never Let a Relationship Decide Your Self-Worth
This is very common with people in love. Their mood and emotions get totally dependent on the relationship. Not just that, their self–worth too is determined by their partner’s perception of them. If your partner is positive and encouraging, you are lucky. But if you get to be with someone who constantly finds faults in you and makes you conscious about everything, it’s not good. Such a person will pretend to love you, maybe they do love you in their own way but this kind of love will be toxic for your identity as an individual. To learn where to draw the line. A relationship should never determine your self-worth and self-esteem.
If you are with someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, they cannot be the right person for you. So have the courage to make yourself a priority and just walk out. Love and dating are all worth it but not at the expense of your own self. Chat with like-minded people through a trans dating site. Get to know them. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of dating and relationships. It is definitely a very important part of your life. But don’t let your whole life revolve around it. And don’t let it affect your self-worth.
If a girl you thought very hot and good-looking turned you down, it’s not the end of the world. Just get over it. She probably didn’t deserve you. If you keep on obsessing with the hotness of women and think of yourself as inferior all the time, it will affect your self-image badly. But if you just think of yourself as awesome, then you’ll just forget about that girl and laugh it off. As a trans man, make yourself the center of your universe.
Build a Strong Connection With Your Inner Self
It is important to recognize your inner self and have a dialogue with it on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean a literal dialogue but you got to forge a connection with your inner self. Take some time out of your busy schedule during which you do absolutely nothing. When we are constantly doing something or the other, our head is constantly buzzing with ideas. This state of frenzied activity leaves us excited and overwhelmed. In order to recognize one’s inner self, it’s important to cease all this activity for a while and revel in nothingness. This is the time set for you to draw deeper into the recesses of your inner self. You will draw deeper into your intuitive energies and understand yourself better.
It is not a conscious activity you can undertake. This happens subconsciously if you just let yourself be. Set a time every day during which you distance yourself from all the drama and just be still. In the stillness of these moments, you will discover your inner self. Meditation is also a great way to stay connected with your inner self.
Once you make a strong connection with the inner being, the external disturbances and perception of people around you will cease to matter. As a trans man, your being will radiate with positive energy. Every day will be full of opportunities and beautiful things to come. Negativity will be offshore. It would be a blissful state of being.
VIPIt is completely normal for Trans Men do not want to get gender reassignment surgery for numerous reasons. This doesn’t mean you will have to look like a female for the rest of your life. Here are a few ways to make yourself look less feminine without having gender reassignment surgery:
Cutting Your Hair
Long hair is one trait generally associated with women and girls. So, if you want to look less feminine you should consider getting a haircut. The right haircut will highlight your face’s bone structure and make you look manlier. For the best haircuts, consult a barber or a hairdresser. These persons are trained in cutting hair and getting a botched haircut from yourself or a friend will make you look untidy or poorly groomed.
Binding Your Chest
Breasts are another trait associated with women and girls. If you want to look less feminine, they will have to go. But remember this is about looking less feminine without getting gender reassignment surgery. One way to reduce the appearance of your breasts is by binding them. There are many methods and tips available online for binding your chest but be careful not to choose any that may be harmful or may cause discomfort.
Getting a New Wardrobe
The right wardrobe can without a doubt make you look less feminine. Please note that this does not mean baggy pants, beanies, and oversized shirts. This simply means choosing the right kinds of clothes. Certain patterns on shirts can accentuate the bulge your breasts make, such as stripes, and should be avoided. Pleated pants and skinny jeans hug your curves and make you look feminine. Avoid those and opt for straight cut pants that will hide your bum and your curves. Trade in those flats and heels for sneakers, boots and male shoes. Accessories such as belts and watches can also make you look more masculine.
Packing
To be taken seriously as a man, you must have a bulge. This is the outline of your penis in jeans or shorts. Because you are not getting the surgery, you will have to improvise. Luckily, there are many underpants that come with built-in bulges and are designed specifically for FTM Transgender Men. You don't have to pack every day, but it certainly makes you look much more believable. You will have to decide if you want to hard pack or soft pack but this all depends on your environment. If you have a hard pack everywhere you will look like a pervert. So please bear in mind your surroundings and the people that will be around you.
Adapting Masculine Mannerisms
The way you walk, talk, dress, sit, stand or even eat can make or break your efforts to look less feminine. Men usually maintain good posture and sit with their legs open. They also walk tall, without swinging hips, with their shoulders back and heads held high. Certain phrases and terms of endearment are rarely used by men and should be avoided. Try to observe the men in your surroundings and mimic their movements and soon you’ll catch on to what society deems as “masculine behavior”. Making yourself look less feminine without getting “the surgery” is not entirely difficult and if done properly, no one will be able to tell the difference!
VIPEventually, your next step for legal
transition will be to change your gender marker. Now, this part is
significantly more difficult and varies wildly from state to state. Some states
are relatively simple, while others are a right pain in the butt. For example,
I am very privileged to have done all this in Minnesota, which has one of the
more trans-friendly laws regarding gender change. For me, I had to consult with
a physician about my gender identity and present a document from her verifying that she believes my gender identity
to be valid (though ironically, the Judge presiding over my case didn't even
ask for it! Don't gamble on that though 
), alongside dotting my I's and
crossing my t's of course. I got it changed on my social security card, my
birth certificate, and my photo ID.
Unfortunately, not every gender change is going to be that simple. A lot of states require that you undergo gender reassignment surgery before you are allowed to change your name, which is both cost-prohibitive for many, but also not something that every trans person wishes to undergo. Some states will also require that your gender change is noted on your birth certificate (mine did not, thankfully). Of course, knowing how the United States can often treat trans people, it should not be surprising at all to find out that a few states are not interested in trans rights beyond seeing the advance of these rights as a threat.
In Kansas, Ohio, and Tennessee, a person cannot change the gender on their birth certificate to match their gender. In all three, however, a person may still change the gender on their driver's license just by having a notice from their physician verifying their gender identity. Kansas has laws that prevent changes to a birth certificate other than minor changes, and Tennessee is the only state to specifically bar trans people from changing their gender marker.
It's not all bad though, because at least
driver's license gender change laws are significantly less stringent.
Unfortunately, you will still have to deal with some rigmarole depending on
your state. Luckily, states generally do not require SRS in order to get the
gender marker changed on your driver's license, meaning that you will still be
able to present as your gender in public if you can't change it on your birth
certificate. The conflict with states not allowing birth certificate changes
can present complications, however; for instance, if you were born in Ohio and
moved to Kentucky, Kentucky law requires that your driver's license's marker
match your birth certificate's.
While we are admittedly in a bit of a sour spot in history for trans people with the election of Donald Trump to the presidency and setbacks on trans rights, trans people have seen many legal victories in recent years. For example, before April of this year, Idaho was alongside Kansas, Ohio, and Tennessee in denying trans people the right to change their gender marker on their birth certificate. However, a subsequent lawsuit and decision by an Idaho District Court Judge resulted in Idaho law being changed to the effect that trans people's request to change their gender marker is not automatically denied anymore. Not only that, but SRS is not required, and neither is a notation of the gender having been changed. There are lawsuits against other such laws, including Ohio, so we may well see laws relaxed.
Because of the complexity of laws regarding changing your gender, such an article cannot and should not be used as your sole source of information. In order to get a proper understanding of your state's laws, check out here... Changing Birth Certificate Gender Designations: State-By-State Guidelines.
