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Chances are, you want to not simply survive but thrive as a trans guy, both in private and on online dating sites for transgender folks and allies. While there are many tools you need to have in your metaphorical self-care kit, building confidence is chief among them.

What exactly is confidence?

Before we dive into a list of tips and suggestions on how you can build it, we first need to define what we mean when talking about confidence. Self-confidence often overlaps or is used as a synonym for self-esteem or self-efficacy. While there are similarities, it is interesting to note the differences, too:

 – Self-efficacy:

Refers to your belief about your own abilities regarding specific tasks. Self-efficacy basically is the real-life concept that corresponds with the famous Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

 – Self-confidence:

Meanwhile, reflects your general belief about how likely you are to fulfill a goal. Your past experiences play a huge role in both self-efficacy and self-confidence, but self-confidence refers to a broader view instead of focusing on specific tasks.

 – Self-esteem:

While often used interchangeably with self-confidence, is quite different from it. Self-esteem reflects your belief in your overall worth as a person. Viewing yourself as a “good guy” is a statement of self-esteem, for instance. In that, it is even broader than self-confidence, and improving your confidence will help your esteem, too.

Obviously, the lines between them are blurry, and there is no linear trajectory you can follow. You may have enough confidence to think you’re capable of learning to make bread, yet at the same time lack self-efficacy and you assume your first attempts will be horrible. And whether or not you can bake a killer loaf, you hopefully still think that you deserve love and happiness.

Why is building confidence essential for FTM trans guys?

Insecurities and self-doubt are core components of ill mental health and poor well-being, so finding ways to improve your confidence will definitely help you.

As a trans guy, whether you identify as FTM, genderqueer, nonbinary butch, or else, building self-confidence can be especially tough. Questioning societal standards and stereotypes of what it means to be “manly” and finding your own way takes a lot of energy, perseverance, and yes, confidence.

So how do you build it? Think of it as a muscle: you need to train it to strengthen it.

Here are several useful tips you can choose from and try for yourself. See what works for you and maintain it until it becomes second-nature to you. Your confidence will never falter again. 

Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Even if the mean voices in your head (or on the internet) want to tell you otherwise, everyone has unique skills, both hard and soft, as well as talents in various areas of your life. Likewise, you will have areas in your life you do not excel at.

While many of these will remain the same after your female-to-male transition, some may have changed. As a rule of thumb, make sure that you know what you are good at and what your weaknesses are. Once you understand these areas, you will have a clearer mental image of yourself and what you will need to improve your self-confidence.

Be a Friend to Yourself

Unfortunately, some FTM trans men are their own worst enemy. It is impossible to build your self-confidence if you are the one constantly putting yourself down. If you want confidence and high self-esteem, you need to foster an attitude of love and acceptance.

When a negative thought arises, ask yourself: “Would I say this to about my best friend to their face?” Catching yourself when your inner voice turns self-deprecating is the first step to stop the habit. Once you notice it, actively work against it. If you think, for example, “I didn’t manage all I wanted to do today, I’m such a loser”, and notice it, tell yourself that you are human and some things take more time than anticipated. You tried, and that’s what’s important.

Remember and Celebrate Your Successes

Please steer clear of grievous mistakes like downplaying your success or only focusing on what you are struggling with. Such an attitude will not help you build self-confidence. Focusing on the negative aspects of your life will only drag you further down. However, if you create a habit of celebrating your successes (no matter how small they are), you will soon feel more confident.

These celebrations can take various forms: taking a walk for yourself, giving yourself a break to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, spending time with a friend to cheer for your achievement, or simply giving yourself the satisfaction of crossing the item off your to-do list for the day.

Remove Things That Bring You Down

Out of sight, out of mind –  this affects reminders of your shortcomings or of negative experiences as well. Be sure to hide or get rid of items that evoke negative thoughts when you see them.

Beyond the shirt you wore to that horrible breakup, these things can be as varied as mean friends, a job you hate, or a habit you have gotten into. Reflect on the impact these have on your life and eliminate them for good.

Smile At Yourself In The Mirror

Looking at your reflection can go a long way in helping you accept yourself. When you do, be sure to smile. If you do this every day, you will feel happier and more secure in yourself over time due to something called “facial feedback theory”. The expression on your face has been shown to help your brain register and intensify the emotions it perceives on your face.

Improve Your Posture

Just like smiling at yourself, sitting up straighter, or striking a “power pose” has been proven to boost confidence in studies. It might feel awkward at first, but remember that stepping outside your comfort zone is a core component of your journey towards more self-confidence.

Do Not Compare Yourself To Others

Every person is unique. Just because this FTM person achieves a very masculine appearance and maybe has better muscle definition than you does not mean you have ‘failed’ at being FTM. You differ in your genetics, your socio-economic backgrounds, and much more – focus on yourself and don’t measure your progress against that of others. Easier said than done, sure, but so essential to keep in mind.

Take Risks

There is no better way of building self-confidence than taking risks. Taking risks shows – mainly to yourself – that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. If you now think you have to do something scary or dangerous to achieve this, think again: Simply getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new counts as a risk in terms of building self-confidence.

In essence, this point is all about living your life to the fullest. Take a moment to reflect on what you would like to try and do. Learn how to skateboard? Sign up for a transgender dating site? Strike up a conversation with a friendly-looking stranger? Sure, you might find that you do not like the outcome of something you do, but you may forever regret not giving yourself the opportunity to try. Your self-confidence will definitely thank you!

Be Persistent

At the end of the day, there is no miracle cure for low self-confidence. There is no pill you take or action steps you follow once and overnight, you are filled to the brim with confidence. It truly takes time and effort to build up. Therefore, you should be persistent, see mistakes your make as learning opportunities to help you avoid repeating them in the future, and never give up. If you lose sight of the journey, don’t beat yourself up. Life happens, we get busy. Simply get back on track and resume your self-confidence practice.

On a final note, if you are struggling with self-confidence and do not know where to start, find a trusted friend with whom you can share your troubles. Having a strong support system will help you be more confident and give you the foundation you need to begin building confidence on your own.

Get ready for the most fun you’ve had in forever! Once you feel confident enough, it’s time to sign up for an ftm dating site. There are many transgender dating apps out there, and platforms that facilitate online dating for trans women, men, and others have increased. You have ample space to search for other trans singles or trans allies who are looking for a serious relationship.

If chatting with potential dates is outside your comfort zone… treat it as practice for your self-confidence boosting journey! You might find the perfect partner without expecting to. 

One of the most important things about embracing your new identity as a trans man is being able to own it. You want to feel that confidence in your smile and demeanour and that manly swag in your walk and attitude as you make a foray into the world of masculinity. To put it simply, you want to come across as an attractive guy who is well sought after.

As a FTM trans guy, you are probably looking forward to dating someone. But your mind is full of apprehensions regarding your identity. Even if you are on hormone treatment, it takes a while to develop tangible physical characteristics of the ‘male ‘gender. So it’s important to stay confident, poised and have full faith in yourself, no matter what the circumstances be. The first and foremost rule to looking exceptionally attractive is convincing yourself that you are hot. That conviction shines through your face and being and people would be irresistibly drawn to you. Such is the power of positive thinking.

Next, it’s equally important to work on your looks and dressing sense. The dating scene is getting more and more competitive. So you got to be particular about putting forward your best version. If you’ve recently joined a transgender dating site and are communicating with a number of potential love interests, you are definitely looking forward to having a real date at some point in time. That is why it’s important to be always super well-groomed and never go lax about your appearance.

This article offers a few tips that would help you look exceptionally attractive as a trans guy.

Dress According to Your Personality and Aura

Everyone has a unique aura. And that aura defines a lot of things about us – the way we communicate, behave and all that. It’s important for a trans guy to go for a dressing style that complements his personality. It’s not just about how expensive your clothes are or how much you follow the latest fashion trends. If something looks awkward on you, it’s probably not meant for you.

Develop your personal style statement rather than blindly aping the latest fashion trends. Notice the kind of clothes that look best on you and customize your wardrobe accordingly. When you see a strikingly attractive male fashion model displaying the latest line of a high brand in a fashion magazine, it’s obvious that you fall in love with those clothes instantly. But just sit back, relax and try to visualize how these clothes would look on your body type. Ask yourself if you are comfortable with those colours or patterns. What works very well for a cis guy doesn’t necessarily rock for a trans guy as you have areas to camouflage like chest and butt.

Look for inspiration in the dressing style of other trans male icons. Check out their social media handles.  Scroll through a transgender blog and get to know how other trans men like you are dressing up.  This will help you develop a unique style statement over a period of time.

Don’t Go for Clothes that are Too Loose or Too Tight

Well, it might be challenging for a trans man to find clothes the right size. Even if you are on hormone therapy, it takes time for your body to redistribute fat according to male body shape. So, you always have the problem of a shirt being a bit too tight on the chest even if its fits perfectly on arms and shoulders.  It’s the same for jeans or pants. The waist might be perfect but the pants are just too tight on hips. Many trans guys get really conscious of all this and tend to buy clothes of sizes considerably bigger than their usual size. But that’s not the right approach.

Wearing baggy or ill-fitted clothes is not going to make you look attractive. It’s just going to be unflattering on your body. So the trick is to just try and try till you find something that fits you almost right. It will mean quite a bit of extra time for shopping and multiple trips to the changing room. But it’s totally worth it. Well, fitted clothes would make you look attractive, irrespective of your built and physique. If you are concerned about your butt and thighs being too prominent in fitted pants, then it’s the style that you have to change. Going for oversized pants won’t make you look good.

Be Careful While Selecting Pants

Now, pants are a tricky business when it comes to a trans man’s wardrobe. You want to go for pants that downplay the feminine bits like butt and thighs. So a good rule to follow is to never go for pleated trousers as these would just highlight the thigh and hip area. It’s best to go for the classic, basic pair of pants that is flat-front so that it doesn’t emphasize your hips.

Try Out Dark and Solid Colours for Shirts

Dark and solid colours would help camouflage the chest area, making it less obvious. So a black shirt or a deep blue shirt is a great choice. On the contrary, shades like fluorescents, whites and yellows will make the chest area even more obvious. So when in doubt, go for black.

Try Out Shirts with Irregular Patterns

It cannot be emphasized enough that one of the main concerns of a trans man is to hide any unwanted bulge in the chest area while dressing up. Shirts with irregular patterns work very well for that purpose. The irregular pattern kind of tricks the eye, making any bulge in the chest less obvious. Regular patterns, on the contrary, would draw even more unwanted attention to the chest. So FTM transgender guys should try going for shirts with irregular or asymmetrical patterns. These would complement the manly physique.

Don’t Be Afraid to Wear T-Shirts

A lot of trans guys shy away from t-shirts thinking it would be unflattering on their bodies. Nothing could be farther than the truth. A well-fitted t-shirt would emphasize your arms and shoulders, thus making you look manlier. When one tries to visualize perfect masculinity, broad shoulders are the first thing that comes to mind. And t-shirts are great in that they create that illusion of those perfectly square, broad shoulders.

It’s true that some t-shirts might be problematic for the chest area if that is your concern. But if you look around enough, you would definitely find styles that complement your arms and shoulders without drawing attention to the chest.

Work Out and Eat Healthily

This is an obvious one. But many trans guys choose to overlook this. When they are on treatment, they tend to wait for the treatment effects to settle in and then start working out. But you have to start exercising as soon as possible. In fact, the most important goal of your workout should be to lose as much weight as possible. Once your body fat gets totally transformed into the male physique pattern post-treatment, you can go slow on weight loss. But till then, it’s important to lose as much body fat as possible.

A lean, sculpted physique would naturally take care of all those problem areas like the hips, thighs and chest. It is equally important to eat healthily and drink plenty of water so that your skin stays hydrated.

Remember that looking like an irresistible guy is not just about having that perfect physique. It’s also about having a great skin tone. When you work out and eat healthily, your skin shines with that vitality.

Pay Attention to Basic Grooming

Basic grooming is important for a trans man. Make sure you moisturize your skin regularly, shave on a regular basis and use deodorant.  Your hair is also an important part of your personal attractiveness quotient. Look for a style that complements your masculinity and then stick to it. Go for regular hair spas so that your hair is in the best of condition at all times.

Your skin also needs to be squeaky clean. You don’t really have to go for facials but make sure you shower regularly; use a face wash and a scrub at least once a week.

Go for Shoes that Give the Illusion of More Height

When one thinks of a manly physique, a talk form or silhouette instantly comes to mind. For a trans man who has been chatting with someone through a trans dating site, it’s important that his lady love finds him tall and striking when they finally meet.

One golden rule to follow is to go for shoes that make you look taller. Boots especially are great at giving an illusion of greater height. So go for different styles of boots that complement your manliness and also take your style quotient up by a few notches. For daily wear, sneakers are also a great option. But when you are trying out a shoe, just remember to stand in front of the mirror and see if it creates that illusion of a longer physique or not.

Last but not the least, it’s most important to be confident in your own skin. At the end of the day, people admire you for your originality and uniqueness. It’s good to make these efforts to improve your external appearance but never lose your essence. Because your essence is what really drives the world crazy, in a good way that is.