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There is no cookie-cutter path to become a confident MTF Trans Woman. You will at times find yourself stumbling in your quest to embrace your femininity. When you stumble, find yourself envious, or compare yourself to other cis-woman, know that you are not alone. Many MTF Trans Women fall into the pit of comparing themselves with cis-women.

It is often said that comparison is the death of joy. In fact, it is one of the surest ways to lower your self-esteem. But how do you stop comparing yourself to others? Below are some valuable tips that will offer you an answer.

Realize that Comparing Yourself is Destructive

While comparing yourself to others is fairly normal behaviour, it can be self-destructive in many situations. This is because each person is their own worst critic, meaning when we compare ourselves to others, we tend to judge ourselves more harshly. The first step to stopping this behaviour is by consciously realizing that it is destructive. You may always find cis-women to be pretty, but their beauty has nothing to do with yours. You are beautiful in your own way separate from them.

Focus on Yourself

For you to make positive strides on your journey to embrace your femininity, you should compare yourself only to yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, smile more vibrantly than you did yesterday. Think about what you have achieved and all your potential for the future. When you compare yourself to yourself instead of other cis-women, you will be more appreciative of your uniqueness. Additionally, this process helps you feel good about yourself without necessarily having to think less of others.

Be Kind and Polite

The way you treat others often reflects the way you feel about yourself. As a result, showing compassion for yourself allows you to be more compassionate towards others and vice versa. If you tend to criticize other people, you will likely be more critical of yourself. However, if you are kind to others, you will almost certainly be kind to yourself.

Focus on the Positives

Every person has flaws. A guaranteed way to magnify your flaws out of proportion is by comparing yourself with other people. People tend to present the best of themselves to the outside world both in person and on social media. You are likely comparing your flaws with the best the other person has to offer; it is not a fair comparison. Instead of comparing yourself with other people, try to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and your life. Make it a habit to think positively about yourself and others.

As a MTF trans woman, one feels like they have gotten a new lease of life after sex reassignment surgery. It is a precious phase in a trans woman’s life. Her mind is undergoing a heady cocktail of diverse and confusing emotions and her heart is in a state of flurry. She is perhaps looking forward to joining a trans dating site or a transsexual dating site to look for the love of her life. She is definitely on cloud nine. But she is also somewhat anxious. A trans woman is anxious because she wants to be the best possible feminine version of herself. And sometimes she doesn’t quite know how to go about it. She has had a hard time literally battling for her identity. And now although she has come out in flying colours, there are things and aspects about being a woman she must learn. And in the process, she has to undo a lot of unconscious behavioural traits and characteristics that she has gotten so used to because of her past identity.

Being an elegant woman is not just about makeup, fashionable clothes, footwear, jewellery and accessories though. Femininity is a way more complex concept that takes time to understand and master. Of course, being super well-groomed and dressing like a woman is the first step towards cracking the femininity code. But just getting the feminine look right isn’t enough. A trans woman needs to internalize the body language of a woman, she needs to assimilate the essence of femininity at a rather subconscious level and that’s the challenging part.

But it’s not impossible. Following the right tips and suggestions, she can certainly grasp the essence of femininity and apply it to her own life. This article lists out a couple of points that a trans woman should keep in her mind during her journey towards embracing femininity.

Understand Femininity

Femininity has some tangible and some intangible aspects. Now, the tangible aspects are easy to crack. As a trans woman, you start wearing the right clothes that suit your body type and accentuate your femininity. You keep an eye on all the latest trends through fashion magazines and regularly check out your local women’s apparel stores. You learn the art of applying makeup and also master the craft of creating the right look by adding the right accessories to any given outfit. All these things you can learn. But the difficult part of femininity is the intangible aspects. And unless you have cracked those, it’s only half the battle won.

A woman is beautiful not because she has the right makeup on or because she is dressed up perfectly. She is beautiful because she feels beautiful. Even when she has just woken up, there is such a soft allure to her body and facial expressions that it can melt the heart of even the toughest of guys. Even while she is casually sipping her morning coffee and there is not a trace of makeup on her face, her smile can light up an entire room. Her beautiful tresses falling carelessly on her forehead can inspire poets and artists to madness. When she lifts up her head and looks at someone, she is loveliness personified. This is the essence of femininity that a trans woman has to imbibe. She has to feel from the core of her heart that she is feminine and beautiful. And then her entire being will begin to radiate with the aura of femininity.

Embrace the hidden Values of Femininity

Femininity is also about a lot of values that make the world a beautiful place to live in. Kindness, compassion, mercy, all these are feminine values. A trans woman seeking to appear more feminine should also learn to imbibe these hidden values of femininity in her day-to-day behaviour.

Let’s try to understand this through an example. A trans woman has met a potential love interest through a trans dating app or a trans woman dating site. She goes out on a date with that person. They go to some café and the waiter spills the food on her dress by mistake. This is of course an awful thing to happen but how she handles the situation will tell a great deal about her femininity. Now she can respond to the same situation in different ways. She can either shout at the top of her voice and abuse the waiter. Or she can take control of herself, appear calm and dignified and tell the waiter politely but firmly that it’s ok but he should be careful in future. Which of these two reactions would make her appear more feminine? Obviously, the latter one and her date would be impressed with her femininity and gentle behaviour as well.

There is no manual that can teach you how to understand these hidden values of femininity. You just learn along as you go deeper into your journey of embracing femininity. Just remember that kindness and compassion are eternally beautiful qualities that only a true woman is capable of.

Adopt Feminine Grace in Your Movements and Voice

This is something you can actually learn as a trans woman. You can go through a transgender blog or join a transgender forum where you can learn from other trans women the art of adding feminine grace to your bodily movements. You could even consider joining a grooming class where the basics of feminine body movements are taught. If you can’t find such a class in your local area, you could always try and find a virtual one.

The first thing that a trans woman has to learn about feminine body movements is that she has to learn the art of restraining her body movement. So, if you just barge into a room, it won’t appear very nice and feminine. On the contrary, if you walk as if you are just sliding effortlessly, your feminine aura and grace would be just noticed by everybody. There is a certain delicate rhythm in feminine body movements. A woman doesn’t just fall into a chair. She sits down gently and gracefully. Similarly, when she walks, her body movements have a graceful, almost effortless rhythm. She never sits with her legs apart. That’s one golden rule to follow. You should always sit with legs as close together as possible in order to appear more feminine.

A trans woman who has just gotten a date through a transgender dating site is also concerned about her voice. It’s natural that she wants to sound feminine and all but it’s not so easy to discard her old voice. There are specific voice training classes that a trans woman can attend where she will basically be taught tips and tricks on modulating her voice in a way that would make it sound softer and feminine. She can also consider practising singing. Singing wonderfully opens up the vocal cords and once you start singing the higher up notes, that feminine, sweet clear voice would just come to you naturally.

You can also practice your feminine speech with a friend. And it really helps if that friend is honest and they give you the right kind of criticism so that you can improve. You can also consider practising your feminine voice in front of a mirror or even with your phone selfie camera. This would also make your body language more confident and you would also learn to project the right facial expressions while practising feminine voice.

A Woman’s Handbag speaks a lot about her Femininity

A handbag is a very important accessory for a woman. You would rarely spot a woman without a stylish and ultra-chic handbag. So, if you are coming out as a transgender woman, do spend on a collection of cool handbags. Your handbag should mirror your femininity but you shouldn’t go overboard with experimentation, at least at the initial stage. It’s best to start with classic and chic handbags in solid colours. As you get used to carrying one, you can get more experimental with your choice of a handbag!

For a trans woman who has just started dating someone through a transgender dating app or a transgender dating site, it is very important to perfect the right look. Makeup, clothes and accessories can help her ace that looks. But the look is incomplete without the right handbag. The contents of a trans woman’s handbag are equally important. A lady’s handbag is a reflection of her femininity. If all items are arranged neatly within the handbag, it tells one a great deal about her aesthetic sense and neatness. On the contrary, if her handbag is shabby with all sorts of things literally spilling into each other, it speaks of an untidy and slovenly disposition.

Some ‘must include’ items in a woman’s handbag are hand sanitiser, lipstick or lip gloss, facial mist or facial wipes, deodorant, a compact mirror, feminine hygiene products (tampon), safety pins, a notebook and a pen and last but not the least, some cash.

Your hands require regular care and attention, just like the face and body. For a MTF trans woman, the care required is even greater because your hands might not be conventionally dainty or feminine. But you are a beautiful woman inside out. The beauty radiates through your face and shines in your soul. Your external appearance is just a mirror that reflects your beauty and hands are an important part of that look. It’s like completing a full circle. When your external beauty and internal beauty intertwine, the world is bound to notice your unique aura.

As a MTF trans woman, your hands are also a proud witness of the arduous journey you’ve undertaken.

This article gives you a few tips that would help you feminize your hands and make those more gorgeous and delicate looking.

Always Keep Your Hands Moisturized

Moisturize your hands regularly. This is the bare minimum essential for feminizing your hands. Even if we have normal skin, our hands tend to be drier than other body parts. Therefore, it is important to moisturize your hands immediately after a shower. You could use a good quality body moisturizer for the purpose or go for a hand cream. Many good quality brands these days offer excellent hand creams that have been formulated especially for the skin on your hands.

As a MTF trans woman, you want to leave no stone unturned in making arrangements for that special date with someone you met through a transgender dating site. But there are certain things about your appearance you can’t change. You cannot change the build of your hand but you can certainly make those softer and delicate with regular care. If you have had a difficult life full of challenges, it’s normal to have your hands go rough or coarse in texture. With regular hydration and moisture, you can improve the texture.

There are certain ingredients that work wonders for locking in moisture. If your hands are too dry and need extra attention, looks for creams and lotion that contain ingredients like shea butter and strawberry butter. The good old Vaseline petroleum jelly is also great for moisturizing hands! For extra moisture, use a thick hand cream or lotion at night before you go to sleep, and make sure you cover your hands with gloves later on. This will lock in the moisture while you are having your regular beauty sleep and you shall wake up to wonderfully soft hands.

Last but not the least, for any hand cream or lotion to work well, it’s important to stay hydrated. Make sure you drink at least 10-12 glasses of water every day and consume salads and fruits like papaya, watermelon, etc on a regular basis.

Natural Oils Should Be Your Best Friend!

Natural oils can work wonders for hand care. You can replace a hand cream or moisturizer with one or better still, use it in addition to these things. Natural oils like olive oil, coconut oil, sweet almond oil, and avocado oil can work wonders for your hands. Just massage your hands with a drop or two of one of these oils whenever you have time and you are good to go. Natural oils have an additional benefit over moisturizers in that they would increase blood circulation, making your hands look more healthy and vibrant.

Whether you are using moisturizers or natural oils or a combination of both, one golden rule to remember is that with hand care, more is always better! Our hands tend to get dry real quick as we use these repeatedly for a number of tasks every day. This makes them more prone to dirt and invisible bacteria, making the skin harsh and somewhat rough. It is therefore important to pamper your hands with these natural oils whenever you can steal a moment or two.

Go for Regular Manicures

For a MTF trans woman wanting to feminize her hands, regular manicures are totally worth it. If cost is an issue, you don’t have to go for over-the-top expensive ones. A basic manicure would do the trick. Going for a professional manicure has many advantages. The expert would get to know your specific concerns and customize a session accordingly. Regular manicures would not just keep your hands soft and supple but you would also get rid of any unwanted tan on your hands. Not to mention, it would ensure you always have those perfect nails.

A manicure is also a great option for a transgender woman who has a super busy schedule. A session at the parlour once a fortnight gets you sorted. It can also be a savior for emergency conditions. Let’s assume you met someone interesting through a trans dating site and the two of you are planning to go on a date. But your hands are not in the best condition at the moment. In such a scenario, a great manicure can give you an instant fix. This doesn’t mean that regular care and grooming of your hands is not needed but it can at least take care of that emergency situation.

Take Extra Care of Your Nails

Nails are a very important feature of a woman’s hands. Therefore, as a MTF trans woman, it’s important that you take extra care of these. A golden rule to follow is to avoid wearing your nails way too long or short. Keep experimenting with the length and with time you would find your ideal length. Nails that are too long look weird and are hard to manage as well. So make sure the length of your nails is just right.

While choosing nail polish, make sure it goes well with your skin tone and the general character of your hands. If you are not sure about what would suit you best, go for nude shades or lighter shades of colors like pink. Go for bright red nail polish by all means if you like but make sure you’d be able to pull it off.

The condition of your nails is also an important factor while choosing nail polish. If your nails are a bit unkempt and not in the best of condition, it’s safe to go for muted and low-key shades. Wearing bright colors would just draw more attention to the imperfection of your nails and you don’t want that.

Go for Hand Jewelry

The use of hand jewelry can give an ultra-feminine look to your hands. No guy could resist a set of soft smooth, well-manicured hands with trendy and chic hand jewelry. So a MTF trans women should definitely consider wearing bracelets and rings for feminizing their hands.

However, you have to be careful while choosing the right jewelry for your hands. Make sure you don’t go over top with hands accessories. You want to look beautiful and elegant, not bizarre and weird. It’s best to stick to just one or two simple pieces. If you wear too many rings, that would just draw even more attention to areas you are not very comfortable with.

The shape and build of your hands is also an important factor to consider while buying hand jewelry. Many MTF trans women already struggle with the issue of somewhat big hands so wearing delicate jewelry might draw even more attention to the size of your hands. Instead, go for hand accessories that are in sync with the size of your hands.

A chunky bracelet would be ideal for someone with big hands. The whole point behind wearing hand jewelry is to make sure the femininity of one’s hands is accentuated. Finally, the most important thing is to go for hand jewelry that suits your personality. Every personality has a distinct aura. Your makeup, dressing sense, everything should complement that aura. The same is true for hand accessories.

Finally, just be proud of yourself and the journey you’ve undertaken. As a MTF trans woman, your hands are a proud testimony to the many hurdles you’ve overcome through sheer willpower and determination. The difficult times are over. Now is the time to celebrate and pamper yourself. Just like your beautiful soul and indefatigable spirit, your hands deserve every bit of that pampering.