User blogs

Time and again, you hear of a missing person's report and killings of individuals who had gone to link up with someone they met on a dating site. The risk is even high with our minority group; they have been instances where some of us have been beaten up, raped, or even killed for being who we are.

All in all, this shouldn't put a halt on our quest to find someone who will love, care, and cherish us. Online dating is a new way of meeting people, and it is here to stay. The next time you download a new Transgender Dating App for Android or Transgender Dating App for iOS, ensure you uphold safety when using the app.

 A laptop, phone, or tablet can't show you a person's true nature; it will mask who they are. Below is a way to help you navigate the use of a transgender dating site safely.

  Unfamiliar photo

In filling in your details, don't use the same profile photo you use in other social media accounts; use one which is unique and not on any social media platform.

  Do not disclose your personal information 

When creating your profile, leave out all details that can point out who you are, such as social media handles, contact information, etc.

  Use the app 

It is advisable to keep all communication through the app; you may find someone, and after a couple of dates, start to feel comfortable and decide to take the conversation out of the app. Yes, it is convenient to do so, but it is also dangerous. When the relationship doesn't work out, you are safe since the other party doesn't have your number; maintaining communication inside the app offers you protection until you fully know the person.

  Get a Google phone number 

After going on a few dates with this person, it's only normal to change numbers eventually.  You can set up a Google phone number and forward it to your phone; this is safe than giving your cell phone number.

  Be cautions when meeting

While using a dating site for trans woman, you always have to be on high alert. It's not advisable to let someone you have met online to know where you live. When you guys have a date, meet in a public place and use your means of transportation. Before going out for the date, let someone close to you know where you are going and how long the date will last. During the date, share any alarming scenario or any change of plan with a friend or relative.

Don't leave your drink halfway when using the restrooms, every time you walk out, ensure you have finished your drink or food, or get a fresh one. The first few dates are advisable to keep them short. At any point, you feel your safety is compromised exit the date immediately.

Put your safety first when using a transgender dating site to look for a lifetime partner. There are many creepy people out here hiding behind their keyboards.

Be Proud of Your Identity

You have to accept yourself before other start accepting you as a man. Societal discrimination and apathy are a part and parcel of transitioning. Do not let that intimidate you. You have to tell yourself that it’s perfectly normal to identity with a gender that is different from the one assigned to you at birth time.

Once you are comfortable with your identity, it’s important to go even a step ahead and celebrate it. Remember that you are unique and different. And it’s the habit of society to criticize everything that is unique and out of the box. But once they realize how valuable that thing is, they get crazy about it. That’s the way society works. So, once you start becoming proud of your identity and begin to revel in it, societal apathy will mean nothing to you.

People who are trying to make you conscious will shut up because you are not getting conscious! Accepting yourself is the first step in your journey of transition from female to male.

Begin Your Transformation by Coming Out

People in your immediate circle need some time to get used to the male you. Your new life as a male might be unexpected for your friends and family, even if they support your decision. So, start by coming out as soon as you can. Take folks who are close to you into confidence. Tell them clearly about your newfound identity and the life you are going to live from now on.

This might be difficult because you might have a family that has issues with your identity. You are probably scared that they will not accept this. Well, you have to learn to be a bit tough here. It’s your life and your choice. You can try and convince your family for sure but you have to be willing to go solo. For someone who has a woman’s body biologically, declaring that from now on, they are going to live and behave like a man in front of their family is not going to immediately get them the understanding they deserve.

Your family might be even hostile to you when you come out in the open. So be prepared for anything. It is very important to have a set of people who genuinely support you and your identity. These people will become a bridge between you and society. They can be your friends, relatives, family members, anyone.

But it’s important to come out in the open with your identity because even after your transformation, your friends and family will take time to get used to the new you. Social acceptance will be a slow process. You have to just keep going on. Do not be disheartened by temporary troubles or roadblocks. As long as you are consistently embracing your new life as a male, it’s all good.

Start Dressing and Behaving Like a Guy

This is a very important component of your transitioning. Even if you are mentally prepared to undergo a transition and have come out in the open, it can be very difficult to discard those old mannerisms you have been so used to.

You feel like a guy. You know it in your heart that you are a man. But if you continue to dress in women’s clothes, people around you would obviously not accept your masculinity. So, it is important to change your outward appearance too.

Begin to dress in men’s clothes. Start observing the behaviour of guys around you. Pay attention to their facial expressions, body language, the way they walk. These little cues will help you learn how to project a masculine image.

The internet too can give you a lot of information on how to incorporate masculinity in your day-to-day behaviour. For buying men’s clothing, check out what other guys on the street are wearing. And then pick clothes that would suit your appearance and build and would highlight your masculinity.

You might feel a bit awkward at first but if you keep at it, you will soon get used to it. And there will come a time when behaving like a man will come naturally to you. It won’t seem like you are acting or trying too hard. You already felt like a man in your heart. But with time, you will automatically start behaving like one externally as well.

Look for Professional Help

Your physical transformation is a very important part of transitioning. Of course, whether you want to undergo a medical transformation or not is totally your call. But if you are constantly anxious about not looking like a man enough physically, then surgery can help you get rid of that confusion.

You should first consult a therapist who would help you figure out the emotional and psychological problems you might be going through. The idea of transitioning from female to male can throw anyone’s mind into chaos and confusion. It’s a difficult state to be in. Your body is craving for an identity that is different from the biological identity assigned to you at birth. All this can get very complicated for your mind. So, a therapist will help you with the emotional and mental aspect of your transitioning.

Then you should look for a reputed and professional doctor who can offer you the best advice on the probable route you should follow for physical transformation from a female to male.

Two-spirit is a gender that is found in only North American who fulfills one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. The mixed gender roles encompassed by the term historically included wearing the clothing and performing the work associated with both men and women. This English term emerged in 1990 out of the third annual inter-tribal Native American/First Nations gay/lesbian American conference in Winnipeg. 

A direct translation of the Ojibwe term, Niizh manidoowag, "two-spirited" or "two-spirit" is usually used to indicate a person whose body has a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit. The term can also be used more abstractly, to designate the presence of two contrasting human spirits or two contrasting animal spirits (which, depending on the culture, might be Eagle and Coyote). Will Roscoe writes that male and female berdaches have been "documented in over 130 tribes, in every region of North America, among every type of native culture."The term berdache was coined by western anthropologists and used until the late 20th century, mainly to describe feminine Native Americans assigned male at birth. 

The term is however inaccurate and can nowadays be considered offensive. Non-natives who use this identity are often accused of "appropriating Native culture." The history of two-spirits among Indigenous American culture dates back thousands, of years and has been documented in more than 130 North American tribes. Throughout history, a person who was recognized as two-spirit was someone who identified with both male and female gender roles, and so two-spirit is essentially a third gender recognized in Indigenous cultures. 

The perspective among Indigenous Americans was that having this third gender was a strength their society benefited from. In the Zuni culture, a person's gender was not assigned at birth but was grown into 3 or 4 years of age. Two-spirits were not thought of as just a man or just a woman but as embodying characteristics of both genders in a single person, making them a more whole human being.

This Two-Spirits encourages the belief that, by avoiding the pressures surrounding an individual, they are capable of establishing their own identity. This identity for native Two-Spirit individuals arises from an acceptance of their native cultural values and a rejection of Western values. This rejection specifically applies to Western conventions regarding race and sexual identity as the Two-Spirit person’s identity is maintained by their sexual orientation as both male and female and their commitment to their culture or ethnicity.

Awareness of multiple genders and sexual orientation has recently taken a limelight in the media, however misconceptions and stereotypes still linger because of this. Before we start to dive into this subject matter, it is important to know simple terms such as gender, intercourse, and sexuality. Gender is what people feel within themselves, according to cultural understandings. Such as girls are soft and compassionate, whilst men are less so. intercourse is a biological term which directly refers to the genitals one was born with. Sexuality is whom one is attracted to sexually and emotionally. This may or may not align with their gender.

Gender fluid is an identity that seems to be regularly mistaken. Gender fluid refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. It is a gender identity which can be described as a mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.  Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation. It is solemnly as what they feel like inside, and gender fluid people never seem to stick with a single gender identity.

Many celebrities consider themselves genderfluid, such as Miley Cyrus, Tilda Swinton, DJ Ruby Rose, and Andrej Peji?. Standards for each gender has been ever evolving, from more intense beliefs, to sneaky yet still beliefs.

One of the main misconceptions for people who are gender fluid is that their gender is nonexistent, however, an individual who is gender fluid experiences a constant shift between the gender spectrums. There are some people who fall under the Trans spectrum that do not feel dysphoric about their gender, but it is well known that most do. Gender Dysphoria is a feeling of your physical body not matching up with how you feel internally that it should be. Many people would describe the feeling of dysphoria in many different ways, though all of the ways that it is described make it clear that it is a negative feeling.

Many people who are gender fluid will date bisexual or pansexual people, those who are attracted to two genders or are attracted to people no matter what gender they are. Some people who are gender fluid will use pronouns other than he/him or she/her. Some will use the gender-neutral they/them, or another term that they choose and use regularly. Along with different pronouns, sometimes they will use gender-neutral terms for themselves while dating. Instead of having their significant other calling them their boyfriend/girlfriend, they will term such as “date mate” or even a term as simple as “partner” or “significant other”.

Many people who are gender fluid will often dress and appear as unisex or androgynous, though in some cases they will decide to mix objects that most would place within gender categories. A good example of that would be someone who decides to wear masculine appearing clothing, with makeup or another part of themselves appearing feminine.

It is recommended that when coming across a genderfluid person, that you politely ask what pronouns they would like to be referred as. Some people who experience fluid gender don't use the word "genderfluid" for themselves. Some people with fluid genders call themselves by a word such as genderqueer, bigender, multigender, polygender, or other words. This can be because the people haven't seen the word "genderfluid," or it can be because they don't think it describes them well. It's important to understand that each person has the right to decide what to call their gender identity and that they're the only one who can do that.

Some genderfluid people find that their environment does not influence their gender identity to change. They find that their gender fluidity is unpredictable and happens randomly. Other genderfluid people find that their gender changes depending on the situation, and is influenced by inside or outside sources. For genderfluid people who think their changes in gender might have to do with their menstrual cycle, they think it might be caused by how the natural hormone levels rise and fall during that cycle. It’s possible that a person might think that they tend to feel male during their periods even if that’s only rarely the case for them because the incongruence of that situation would feel noticeable and memorable.

The biggest thing to keep in mind for both sides of a relationship with someone who is gender fluid, whether that relationship is platonic or romantic, is being honest with each other about who you are and what you are looking for. Being open with a significant other can really be better for both people involved than one might think.

TransSingle present a video of  Laverne Cox, a bright star, and transgender activist

Chances are, you want to not simply survive but thrive as a trans guy, both in private and on online dating sites for transgender folks and allies. While there are many tools you need to have in your metaphorical self-care kit, building confidence is chief among them.

What exactly is confidence?

Before we dive into a list of tips and suggestions on how you can build it, we first need to define what we mean when talking about confidence. Self-confidence often overlaps or is used as a synonym for self-esteem or self-efficacy. While there are similarities, it is interesting to note the differences, too:

 – Self-efficacy:

Refers to your belief about your own abilities regarding specific tasks. Self-efficacy basically is the real-life concept that corresponds with the famous Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

 – Self-confidence:

Meanwhile, reflects your general belief about how likely you are to fulfill a goal. Your past experiences play a huge role in both self-efficacy and self-confidence, but self-confidence refers to a broader view instead of focusing on specific tasks.

 – Self-esteem:

While often used interchangeably with self-confidence, is quite different from it. Self-esteem reflects your belief in your overall worth as a person. Viewing yourself as a “good guy” is a statement of self-esteem, for instance. In that, it is even broader than self-confidence, and improving your confidence will help your esteem, too.

Obviously, the lines between them are blurry, and there is no linear trajectory you can follow. You may have enough confidence to think you’re capable of learning to make bread, yet at the same time lack self-efficacy and you assume your first attempts will be horrible. And whether or not you can bake a killer loaf, you hopefully still think that you deserve love and happiness.

Why is building confidence essential for FTM trans guys?

Insecurities and self-doubt are core components of ill mental health and poor well-being, so finding ways to improve your confidence will definitely help you.

As a trans guy, whether you identify as FTM, genderqueer, nonbinary butch, or else, building self-confidence can be especially tough. Questioning societal standards and stereotypes of what it means to be “manly” and finding your own way takes a lot of energy, perseverance, and yes, confidence.

So how do you build it? Think of it as a muscle: you need to train it to strengthen it.

Here are several useful tips you can choose from and try for yourself. See what works for you and maintain it until it becomes second-nature to you. Your confidence will never falter again. 

Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Even if the mean voices in your head (or on the internet) want to tell you otherwise, everyone has unique skills, both hard and soft, as well as talents in various areas of your life. Likewise, you will have areas in your life you do not excel at.

While many of these will remain the same after your female-to-male transition, some may have changed. As a rule of thumb, make sure that you know what you are good at and what your weaknesses are. Once you understand these areas, you will have a clearer mental image of yourself and what you will need to improve your self-confidence.

Be a Friend to Yourself

Unfortunately, some FTM trans men are their own worst enemy. It is impossible to build your self-confidence if you are the one constantly putting yourself down. If you want confidence and high self-esteem, you need to foster an attitude of love and acceptance.

When a negative thought arises, ask yourself: “Would I say this to about my best friend to their face?” Catching yourself when your inner voice turns self-deprecating is the first step to stop the habit. Once you notice it, actively work against it. If you think, for example, “I didn’t manage all I wanted to do today, I’m such a loser”, and notice it, tell yourself that you are human and some things take more time than anticipated. You tried, and that’s what’s important.

Remember and Celebrate Your Successes

Please steer clear of grievous mistakes like downplaying your success or only focusing on what you are struggling with. Such an attitude will not help you build self-confidence. Focusing on the negative aspects of your life will only drag you further down. However, if you create a habit of celebrating your successes (no matter how small they are), you will soon feel more confident.

These celebrations can take various forms: taking a walk for yourself, giving yourself a break to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, spending time with a friend to cheer for your achievement, or simply giving yourself the satisfaction of crossing the item off your to-do list for the day.

Remove Things That Bring You Down

Out of sight, out of mind –  this affects reminders of your shortcomings or of negative experiences as well. Be sure to hide or get rid of items that evoke negative thoughts when you see them.

Beyond the shirt you wore to that horrible breakup, these things can be as varied as mean friends, a job you hate, or a habit you have gotten into. Reflect on the impact these have on your life and eliminate them for good.

Smile At Yourself In The Mirror

Looking at your reflection can go a long way in helping you accept yourself. When you do, be sure to smile. If you do this every day, you will feel happier and more secure in yourself over time due to something called “facial feedback theory”. The expression on your face has been shown to help your brain register and intensify the emotions it perceives on your face.

Improve Your Posture

Just like smiling at yourself, sitting up straighter, or striking a “power pose” has been proven to boost confidence in studies. It might feel awkward at first, but remember that stepping outside your comfort zone is a core component of your journey towards more self-confidence.

Do Not Compare Yourself To Others

Every person is unique. Just because this FTM person achieves a very masculine appearance and maybe has better muscle definition than you does not mean you have ‘failed’ at being FTM. You differ in your genetics, your socio-economic backgrounds, and much more – focus on yourself and don’t measure your progress against that of others. Easier said than done, sure, but so essential to keep in mind.

Take Risks

There is no better way of building self-confidence than taking risks. Taking risks shows – mainly to yourself – that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. If you now think you have to do something scary or dangerous to achieve this, think again: Simply getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new counts as a risk in terms of building self-confidence.

In essence, this point is all about living your life to the fullest. Take a moment to reflect on what you would like to try and do. Learn how to skateboard? Sign up for a transgender dating site? Strike up a conversation with a friendly-looking stranger? Sure, you might find that you do not like the outcome of something you do, but you may forever regret not giving yourself the opportunity to try. Your self-confidence will definitely thank you!

Be Persistent

At the end of the day, there is no miracle cure for low self-confidence. There is no pill you take or action steps you follow once and overnight, you are filled to the brim with confidence. It truly takes time and effort to build up. Therefore, you should be persistent, see mistakes your make as learning opportunities to help you avoid repeating them in the future, and never give up. If you lose sight of the journey, don’t beat yourself up. Life happens, we get busy. Simply get back on track and resume your self-confidence practice.

On a final note, if you are struggling with self-confidence and do not know where to start, find a trusted friend with whom you can share your troubles. Having a strong support system will help you be more confident and give you the foundation you need to begin building confidence on your own.

Get ready for the most fun you’ve had in forever! Once you feel confident enough, it’s time to sign up for an ftm dating site. There are many transgender dating apps out there, and platforms that facilitate online dating for trans women, men, and others have increased. You have ample space to search for other trans singles or trans allies who are looking for a serious relationship.

If chatting with potential dates is outside your comfort zone… treat it as practice for your self-confidence boosting journey! You might find the perfect partner without expecting to. 

Too bad that for most people, connecting with potential partners via ts dating apps or platforms has its limits. Who doesn’t know the feeling when the exciting chatter with a new match or contact gives way to tedious and monotonous discussions of topics you’ve covered again and again? In case you are new to online dating, be prepared to make such experiences.

While chatting online with people you cannot see, communicating only via text messages and emojis, can become boring very quickly due to the nature of the conversation, another risk you face every time you open your ts dating app is the ‘what’ you talk about. Too many times, a lovely and wonderful meeting in the virtual room of a site has devolved into tedious accounts of the respective person’s day. If there were a  rewards or points program that gave you a penny each time someone asks you, after a gap in communication, “How are you?” or “How was your day?”, we would all be millionaires already. 

Don’t misunderstand, though: Sharing details about your day and your life has its place in online dating. How someone replies to “How was your day?” tells you a lot about what this person values in life.

Yet if they say the same thing for three days in a row, or their replies grow shorter by the minute, then you know you have hit boredom territory. 

Since yes, chances are high that your date or chatting partner also shares this sense of listlessness while engaging with you. If you don’t act now, you might ruin what could have been the start of a great romantic journey for yourself. Therefore, you have to ensure that you keep every online date you have as memorable and fun as possible, both for your sake and your partner’s.

Easier said than done, however. There is a certain degree of creativity needed in order to spice up your conversations, especially if you haven’t seen the hide nor hair of the person you are talking to. And while you might consider yourself quite the open-minded, flexible person who could excel at an improv class if these were still a thing (at least in person), you might eventually run out of ideas as well.

This is why we have gathered a list of tips that can help you turn those monotonous conversations into memorable and delightful moments of the budding romance.

Tips on how to get creative with trans dating online:

– Share meaningful details

When the inevitable question of “How are you?” or “How was your day?” arrives in your inbox, consider one-word replies banned for life. Think about the reasons instead:  Why do you want to say you’re fine? Why was your day just okay, as opposed to great or wonderful? Add these tidbits to your answer. Being honest will motivate your online dating partner to reply in kind.

– Speaking of honesty: be truthful

You signed up for this transgender dating app or this trans dating site to find a real connection and long-term romantic partnership. Leave the posing and flexing for hook-up culture. Admit to driving an ancient car because it is more fiscally responsible. Own your career trajectory, wherever it has led. Share your struggles with your identity (especially on dating sites for transgender women, men, and other folks). Only if you are honest will you find people who share your values and outlook on life, which is the basis for a successful relationship.

– Ask questions

Even if you are nervous or unsure if it is okay with the other person to simply pose questions, this will help get conversations going. Most people love talking about themselves, so seize that to your advantage. Think about what you would most like to know and start with that.

– Think of new topics to talk about

Yes, this might be a no-brainer, but all too often, online chats are centered on just telling each other what you have done for the day. If you go for this strategy every time, both you and your date are going to lose interest soon enough. So off you go! Find new topics that are interesting enough to help you talk with your date at length and with vibrancy. The first and best place to start is, of course, the other person’s profile. Check out their interests and hobbies. If none are listed, put on your detective hat and inspect the photos they uploaded. Look for the context, and ask about it.

– Use outside resources

Once you have exhausted the new topics you thought about, there is nothing wrong with involving outside help. This can come in the form of a fun news article or blog post that caught your eye, or simply a trailer for a new series or the announcement of a new album by a band you or your chatting partner cares about. You will be surprised how such a little gesture can bring you closer together and kick-start a passionate discussion.

– Expand your repertoire

As in, surprise your dates once in a while! Show them something they do not expect to see when you start the chat. It may be a video of you singing their favorite song, or a photo of your pet (or child) delivering a thoughtful or funny message. By sprinkling in surprises into your online dating chats, your potential partners will always look forward to receiving a notification that they have a new message. It might also, in turn, inspire them to reply in kind and think of surprises for you.

– Embrace your inner child

Not necessarily by talking about your childhood interests (although that can be a fascinating topic all on its own), but by being silly together. Yes, even when you are only conversing online you can have fun with antics and banter. You can post photos of yourself wearing crazy headpieces and costumes. You can play games as if you are together. You can compete with each other about who can tell or find the funnier jokes. Do not think that, just because finding love online is a serious topic,  that you need to stay ‘on brand’ with that tone all throughout your online dating experience.

– Go beyond simple chatting

Of course, you will want to limit your online dates to messaging or the occasional voice message at the beginning. Yet once you are comfortable and, most importantly, have established a foundation of trust with the other person, make use of the many opportunities that technology has already developed. Hop on a video call – or plan on for a time that fits both you and your date’s schedules – and allow your match to hear your voice and see your face. This would help you carry on conversations for a long time without becoming easily tired of having to type everything you want to say. Needless to say, this also opens up your dates to new possibilities, like a shared dinner over video chat or a game you both enjoy.

– Flirt!

Seriously, get that charm on and use it to your advantage. Only if that is your talent, though. Awkward moments are inevitable, but you don’t need to ask for them. As an alternative, simply be your nicest self. Respect the other person and show you appreciate them taking the time to engage with you.

As you can see, there are so many ways through which you can improve your experience on ts dating sites. You do not have to limit yourself just because the nature of online dating has you taking through a keyboard without a visual of the other person. Be creative and let your mind rule over your physical boundaries.

But hang on… how do you know what is the right strategy to use? 

A valid question, the answer to which depends on the respective situation. Think about how your date engages with you and determine which vibe you are getting from them. Serious or playful? Cheery or restrained? This can give you an idea of how to start being more creative with online dating. Once you have begun, do not be afraid to experiment. Try out different approaches and see how your potential partner reacts. This will help you practice, give you more insight into the person you are communicating with, and help filter out those who definitely don’t fit your expectations. 

And hey, if you have exhausted all options and are at the end of your list of ideas, it might be time to genuinely take the experience offline! Sure, that’s another thing that is so easily said but poses challenges when it comes to execution. But if you apply the same creativity to this step, you will certainly find a way that fits both your and your date’s lives and personalities.

Identity plays a crucial role in a person’s life journey. A person’s identity also determines how society perceives them. And that is why it’s so difficult for transgender people to be able to work out even the most basic needs of life – dating, relationships and a job. It’s hard to imagine that even in the 21st century; society is so prejudiced against trans people. But that is unfortunately the sad reality.

A transgender person can’t even date someone the usual way. They have to go through a transgender dating site or a transsexual dating site. It’s literally impossible for a trans woman to attend a random party, strike a conversation with a random guy and tell him that she is trans. It is difficult to even imagine the kind of dangerous scenarios she could be exposed to if she does that sort of a thing. Transgender people are also vulnerable to cyberbullying and a host of online threats and abuses. Hence, many consider opting for a virtual private network and look for the best VPN service around.

So why is society so obsessed with making a transgender person’s life hell? What is their problem with a trans person? Well, it is their identity that society finds problematic because the desired and lived gender identity of a trans person is exactly opposite to their biological gender identity. That is, a trans person doesn’t identity with the gender they were assigned at the time of birth. And that is what society finds hard to accept.

Society is obsessed with a person’s biological gender identity which is the gender assigned to them at the time of birth. Since childhood, their respective gender identities are repeatedly reinforced in the minds of girls and boys. Girls are encouraged to keep their hair long, take interest in make-up and clothes, play girlie games and just generally behave girlie. Boys are encouraged to play outdoors and slowly develop body language and a lifestyle that is considered’ manly’. If anyone tries to challenge the conventional gender roles assigned to them and feel like they belong to the other gender, they are seen as a threat to the existing social order.

And that is precisely why society is so inhumane to transgender people. It views them as ‘transgressors. However, it’s not just trans people that society labels and judges. Those who identify themselves as genderqueer are also a victim of societal hatred and discrimination. These are people for whom gender is a fluid concept. They don’t identify with a particular gender. A genderqueer person kind of lives their own identity in between genders. They could also continuously switch between the two genders, according to their wish.

If you wish to date a transgender person through a transgender dating app or a transgender dating app, you need to understand a few basic characteristics of them. There are so many stereotypes surrounding trans people in society that it can be difficult to know how they actually are.

This article would list a few insightful points that would help you understand transgender identity from a holistic perspective.

Transgender People Are Not Necessarily Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual

This is a common misconception that all transgender people are gay, lesbian or bisexual. Nothing can be farther from the truth. To begin with, the term transgender is strongly related to one’s gender identity, as opposed to sexual identity. When we use terms like gay and bisexual, these correspond more with the sexual identity of a person.

Secondly, transgender people strongly identify with one gender, either male or female. Many even undergo medical transitioning to develop the outward manifestations of that gender and be recognized in society as that gender. As a matter of fact, many transgender people want to date and have relationships the heterosexual way. That is a trans woman desires a man, just like a cis woman does. And a trans man would desire a woman, just like a cis man. So, it’s wrong to indiscriminately label trans people as gay, lesbian or bisexual. If you are a cis guy and you start chatting with a trans woman through a transgender dating app or a transsexual dating site, she obviously wants to date you just like any other woman would.

Transgender people are also not genderqueer. They strongly identify with a particular gender and then try to live their life, according to that gender. A genderqueer person, on the contrary, doesn’t believe in the concept of gender. They can live in between genders or switch from one gender to another, as and when they wish.

Transgender People Identify with a Gender Different from the One they were Assigned at Birth

This is a pretty basic point. But it’s important to emphasize because many people still don’t have a clear understanding of the gender identity crisis that trans folks undergo. Cis folks might think that the strong urge to change one’s gender is just a whimsical fetish. But in reality, the gender identity of trans people is a matter of life and death for them.

From a very early age, they begin to strongly identify with the opposite gender. They don’t find pleasure or happiness in activities that a typical person born with their gender would. Because of this, many transgender people also experience gender dysphoria at some point in their lives. If you go through a transgender blog or read about the experience of trans people on a transgender forum, then you would understand the kind of grave identity crisis they undergo.

Because of fear of society and other reasons, many still forcefully try to live their life according to the norms of their biological gender identity. But there comes a point when it gets too overwhelming and they can’t handle it anymore. That’s when they come out as a transgender person.

A Transgender Person Might or Might Not Undergo Medical Transitioning

Many trans people decide to undergo medical transitioning in order to outwardly embrace their desired gender identity. That is, they want to have the physiological characteristics of the gender they identify with. The medical transitioning procedure helps them live in society freely and openly as the gender they identify with. It also helps them find a love interest or a partner. Transitioning is especially helpful for trans people who want to date within the normative framework of heterosexuality.

Having said that, many trans folks choose to skip transitioning altogether. They embrace their new gender by adopting the body language, dressing style and behavioural characteristics of that gender. It really is about the choice of the person concerned. Some feel just fine even without transitioning while others have this strong urge to physically be like the gender they identify with.

Medical transitioning is also an expensive procedure. Many trans folks can’t afford it. Besides, it is also very demanding physically, mentally and emotionally. Many transgender people lack the support of family or friends that they so need during the transition. Although things are changing now as many voluntary organizations are coming forward to help trans people with transitioning. Also in some countries, the state medical services can also provide for the transitioning procedure of a transgender person.

Trans People Contribute a Lot to the Society

Most people have this stereotype about trans people that they are some kinds of losers who portray themselves as victims all the time. This is crass, insensitive and totally unacceptable. But unfortunately, that’s how some in society perceive transgender people. If you read up about trans folks on the internet or just go through a transgender blog, you’ll come to know the kind of amazing contributions that trans people are making to society.

And they are not just trans rights’ activists. But transgender people can be increasingly seen in mainstream professions like doctors, engineers, police officers, academicians and even politicians.

There are many trans icons across the world in fields like entertainment, culture, art and literature. Trans activists are creating awareness not only on issues faced by their own community but they have also become a voice for the marginalized and under-represented in general.

Despite all these advances, prejudices against transgender people still remain deeply entrenched in society. There still are a number of clinicians who believe that gender non-conforming children can be set right through relevant interventions. That is, they should be encouraged to behave according to their traditional gender roles and this will eventually fix their ‘problem’.

The whole mindset of viewing the identity crisis of a transgender person as a ‘problem’ is just sad and it reflects the rather limited understanding of society on issues related to transgender people. There needs to be a larger social movement through which various trans issues find representation on a larger platform. There has to be greater emphasis on the fact that transgender people are not an object of journalistic enquiry. They are people, like any other and you need to connect with them at an individual level.

Those wanting to date a transgender person through a transgender dating app or a trans dating site need to understand that trans people have the same emotional needs as anyone else.

The fact that society doesn’t view transgender people in a great light doesn’t quite support your cause. In fact, it accentuates the agony and suffering of a trans man. The identity crisis that a transgender man typically goes through is known as gender dysphoria in medical jargon. Gender dysphoria refers to the psychological state when a person’s real gender identity is different from the one assigned to them at the time of birth. That is, their actual gender identity is different from their biological identity. Gender dysphoria is what makes many transgender people opt for medical transitioning in the first place. Post transitioning, gender dysphoria would gradually get resolved. But it doesn’t disappear overnight. A trans man might continue to experience dysphoria during transitioning and after it.

But there is nothing to be scared of when you face an identity crisis. With the right approach, a trans man can successfully defeat such a crisis.

This article gives you a couple of suggestions as to how you can cope with an identity crisis as a transgender man.

Recognize the Crisis

Human beings have a habit of evading issues. We often think that by pretending an issue doesn’t exist, we can get it out of our heads. But that is unfortunately not the case. A psychological issue will continue to haunt until it is resolved. For transgender men struggling with an identity crisis, it is imperative that they recognize the crisis first.

At such a time, thinking may seem like the last thing we want to do. But be courageous and try to figure out what exactly is happening. Is this crisis unique to you? Or have other members of the transgender community faced this crisis at some point in their lives? Ask yourself these questions. Do internet research to find out what is the exact name for this crisis. It is gender dysphoria and once you’ve figured that out, you will be in a better position to address the crisis.

Visit a transgender forum online and start a conversation with other trans men on that forum. Talking to like-minded individuals who are in the same boat as you are would give you a better understanding of your own situation.

Resolving the Crisis through Transitioning

Now, this is a fairly personal decision. But once a trans man has figured out that they are experiencing gender dysphoria, it is important to think of ways and means to resolve the crisis.

For many trans men, social transitioning might do the trick. That is, they begin to come out as a guy by confidently embracing the dressing style, body movements and behavioural characteristics of guys. Others might seek the route of medical transitioning. In fact, most transgender men do undergo some sort of medical transitioning. According to research, medical transitioning resolves the issue of gender dysphoria to a large extent. Through hormone therapy and other treatments, it makes a trans man’s biological identity almost similar to his gender identity, thus making it easier for him to date the opposite sex and socially embrace his new life as a man.

Identity crisis can pop up any time though. A trans man has to constantly deal with the apathetic attitude of society, bordering on hatred. This makes him vulnerable to such a crisis even well after transitioning. He finds it difficult to settle down his particular identity because society is constantly telling him the opposite. And this can make him question the gender identity of his choice again and again.

It’s a tough battle out there but the important thing is to just keep going and understand that the identity crisis is a temporary phase. You might feel like it’s the end of the world. But the good thing is you will come out even stronger and more awesome post this phase. So never give up on your identity and rights.

Consider Dating

As a trans man, dating and relationships are an important part of your life. We all need love. So, consider joining a transgender dating site to look for your soulmate. Dating is a great stress buster as well. Even as you are chatting with a number of prospective love interests online, it gives you something to look forward to. Dating creates immense positive energy and gets you out of the complex of self-doubt and anxiety.

Seeking out a romantic partner might seem like the last thing you want when you are undergoing an identity crisis but once you take the plunge, it can end your crisis for good.

It’s a psychological factor that indulging in pursuits that make us happy and relaxed automatically diverts our mind from negative things. It’s similar to the way exercise is great because it releases endorphins and keeps you away from depression and anxiety. Dating is certainly a great way to cope with your identity crisis. This doesn’t mean though that you are running away from the crisis. On the contrary, you are accepting the crisis as a challenge and fighting it out in your own way. Dating also gives you an opportunity to understand your own identity and sexuality in a better manner. It might even end your identity crisis altogether as love sometimes makes us quite sure of who we are.

Confide in Your Partner

This is for trans men who are already in a relationship. Do not try to hide those issues from your partner. On the contrary, you should tell them all about what you are going through. You spend the maximum time with your lover so they understand you rather well and are best placed to offer you advice.

The mere act of support from a partner can take your self-esteem a few notches up. Romantic love and attraction are an integral part of our gender identity. When your partner will reaffirm their faith in your identity, it will certainly work towards resolving your self-doubts.

Confide in Friends

Friends are no less than a soulmate. A good friend is the best thing that can happen to us. They are someone who gives us unconditional love and support without judgment or prejudice. A trans man struggling with identity issues should certainly communicate his concerns to close friends.

In times like these, nobody can comfort more than a friend. It might not resolve the issue but just talking to your best friend and opening up your heart to them would make you feel light and unburdened. It would take away some of your anxiety so that you can be in a better situation to understand your problem.

Seek Support of the Trans Community

The transgender community is a strong support network for LGBT folk struggling with different kinds of issues. It has been at the forefront of transgender rights and has been instrumental in bringing up legislation across the world that recognizes the transgender community and makes it easier for them to seek education and employment without discrimination.

A trans guy struggling with an identity crisis should certainly seek the support of the transgender community at large. You could do this both online and offline. You can join a transgender forum and interact with other members of the community. Bring up your issues in the forum and you would certainly benefit from their goodwill and advice. You could also become a part of the local trans community in your area. Do some research and find out if your city has an organization working in the field of transgender rights. Get in touch with them. Communicate your concerns. Some trans community groups also organize regular get-togethers and events. These are a great way of bonding with other members of the LGBT community and sharing your mutual concerns.

Consult a Medical Professional

This should ideally be your last resort. Confiding in your partner and friends and the trans community support network should help you resolve the crisis. But if the issue keeps on getting worse and it’s reached a stage where it’s interfering with your day-to-day life, consult a medical professional.

The medical professional will be more from a ‘mental health’ background. It will be like a counselling and mental therapy session. But again, here is a disclaimer. You shouldn’t be too optimistic about your problem being solved after seeing the professional.

Unfortunately, many medical practitioners are themselves prejudiced against the transgender community. They might try to talk you into accepting the gender identity assigned to you at the time of birth. It might even worsen your dysphoria because they will then essentially negate your experiences and identity, trying to tell you that it’s something abnormal or wrong. So, this should be your last resort.

While gender and sexual orientation refer to two very distinct aspects of our human lives, acronyms like LGBTQIA+ suggest that the transgender community is part of the queer community. This can cause some confusion for anyone who is not particularly well-versed in the terminology.

Commonly, ‘queer’ as a reclaimed slur refers to people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual. Queer people can identify as bisexual, pansexual, homosexual and much more. Transgender, meanwhile, refers to gender identity, i.e. whether a person identifies as male, female, genderqueer, nonbinary, or similar. Inter* people also have a special gender identity.

Intersectional identities

Of course, gender and sexuality are intricately linked and always rooted in the society we grow up in. Like anything in life, sexuality and gender identity are fluid and can change over time. The cis-female teenager who realizes she is bisexual might, later on, come into their nonbinary or genderqueer identity and embrace pansexual as a term… or take up the more general, less narrow term ‘queer’.

With the growing acceptance of queer people in society, the fight for transgender rights is becoming more and more the focus of activism. Unfortunately, even among the LGBTQIA+ community, transgender people may have to deal with huge levels of misunderstanding, bigotry, and transphobia. In a similar vein, people with trans identities can be homophobic, biphobic, or harbor prejudice against any other marginalized groups.

Figuring out who we are is always a struggle. Yet when several marginalized identities converge in one individual, the journey to accepting one’s identity as a whole may be even more difficult. If, on the one hand, you struggle to accept your queerness, and on the other also have to contend with a transitioning process, this double-dose can be overwhelming.

If you have yet other marginalized identities, for instance, if you are a person of color, then you have to deal with everyday overt and covert racism, too.

One thing is essential to remember, though: Despite how it might sound, this is not a competition. All pain and suffering are valid and there is no score to keep.

Also absent: a schedule.

Some people realize at quite a young age that they are different, whether in terms of gender identity or sexual orientation – or both. Yet this isn’t the case for everyone, by far. Others start to explore the dimensions of their identities in puberty and some much later. It is never too late or too early – you have your own pace, and that pace is as legitimate as that of everyone else around you. As mentioned above, this is not a competition and it’s also not a race to the finish line of knowing which boxes you fit into.

How To Embrace Your Different Identities

We all have to fight countless battles in our quest to accept our gender identity and sexual orientation. The path to our goal, i.e. feeling at home in our own skin, leads us through self-doubt, maybe even self-loathing, as well as discrimination and harassment. Sometimes from strangers, yet most often it originates from those closest to us.

When you live in a queerphobic and transphobic environment, you of course are much more likely to struggle with your identities. But even if your family is loving and accepting of your identity, you do not live in a vacuum or a bubble that only includes you and your loved ones. Media and the internet are ripe with harmful messaging and filled with bigotry.

How, then, can you move towards self-acceptance? Here are a few tips that have helped fellow transgender and queer people.

Connect with the trans community:

Find others who have gone – or are currently going through – the same or similar processes as you are. If you struggle with your gender identity, seek out the transgender community in your area or online. Ts dating sites can be a great place to start as well since they usually can be used to forge friendships, too. Connecting with a trans community can bring a sense of peace and calmness to a person who is transgender and struggles with accepting who they are.

Connect with the queer community:

The same holds true for anyone struggling with their sexual orientation. Seek out fellow queer people, ask questions, listen,  and reflect. There is a reason the Q in LGBTQIA+ stands for ‘questioning’ – you are welcome here, too.

Find your tribe:

Especially if your own family does not connect with you or maybe even cuts ties with you, find people who you click with. Finding one’s tribe, one’s chosen family, is not a quick fix to belonging but rather a life-long process. You will know when you have a person in your life who feels like family even if there is no blood or legal relation between you.

Look for role models:

Sometimes we cannot seem to turn off that voice in our heads that tell us that we’re bad because we’re different from the so-called ‘norm’. A good way to turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk is to look for role models. There are amazing transgender people who are spreading a message of love, solidarity, acceptance, respect and, most importantly, the message of self-love.

Educate yourself:

The more you read about gender and sexuality, the less ‘wrong’ you will probably feel about being ‘different’. While most of us are taught that there are two genders, male and female, with some intersex people in between that happen when the chromosomes aren’t XX or XY, the scientific reality is much more complicated.

It takes more than one simple set of chromosomes to determine a baby’s sex, i.e. biological gender. Even if the fetus develops in one particular direction, the differences on an individual level are astounding. No two cis-women are the same, just like no transgender women are the same.

There are countless videos on YouTube about this, just as there are many helpful articles and essays that break down the sometimes very complicated science surrounding this issue. Maybe your quest will also unearth podcasts that provide insight in audio format. You might also check the local library for recent publications. There is no ‘right’ way to go about this – it all depends on your preferences and access. As long as you are curious and have an open mind, you’re set!

Be open to different dating platforms:

If you stick to Tinder or Grindr, chances are you will see an endless gallery of people who seem to adhere to a standard default. Of course you, as a nonbinary or gender-nonconforming person, or someone on the asexuality spectrum will feel like there is something wrong with you.

Which is why it is important you also try transgender dating sites and ts dating apps. There, you will find like-minded people. They might not share the same identities, but they will be a lot more open and understanding than the folks swiping left elsewhere.

Join LGBTQIA+ support groups and communities:

Whether a group on Facebook or a hashtag on Instagram, go and see what wonderful people hand around in your online neighborhood. You can find new friends, helpful mentors, or just a sense of community there without having to leave your home.

Play with fashion and style:

How will you know who you are if you don’t try different things? Usually, one’s teenage years are the time for experimentation and pushing boundaries. Yet the more we understand about sexuality and gender, the clearer it becomes that it is a lifelong process.

So it is never too late to slip into a different garment, try on nail polish or lipstick, see how a binder feels or what it’s like to dress like you always wanted but never dared.

Talk to a professional:

Fortunately, the stigma surrounding therapy is receding as more and more people embrace the importance of mental health. Struggling with your identity can be facilitated by a therapist if you feel like this might be helpful – and, more importantly, if you have access to such a service.

Part of your approach to making peace with your identity might include medication. If someone suggests so, do not immediately decline. Sometimes, medication like antidepressants can truly save a life in combination with other strategies.

Explore your body:

Speaking of therapy, you might want to explore somatic therapeutic forms as well, if you have the means and the time. If not, you are free to get to know your body better and explore what feels nice on your own. Yes, this refers to masturbation!

Of course, joyful movements that do not involve sexual gratification also count… but yes, touching yourself in a kind, curious, and appreciative way will help you on your path to accepting your identity.

Be patient with yourself:

Last but not least, remember to be patient. The path to self-acceptance is a process, not a sudden realization. Life isn’t static and your circumstances will inevitably change, which can affect your gender identity and orientation, too.

You’re not alone – confusion is the norm. Embrace it, and see where it leads. After all, you don’t owe anyone an answer, not even yourself.