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Transitioning isn’t easy. A trans person spends an incredible amount of their physical and mental energies in dealing with transitions. What’s worse is that it doesn’t change the perception of society overnight. Trans people are still vulnerable and victims of abuse. Considering all this, finding love as a MTF transgender woman can be a tricky proposition. But as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. Love is a beautiful feeling and we all got to experience it. The journey might be challenging but it’s definitely worth it.

The paths of all lovers are strewn with more thorns than roses but in the end, it’s all worth it. As a MTF transgender woman, you got to be flexible and open-minded. Too rigid an approach doesn’t work with dating. While it is important to be cautious in order to keep all those creepy, transphobic people at bay, you shouldn’t be prejudiced against anyone from the outset.

This article offers a couple of valuable tips and suggestions that would help you in your quest for finding true love.

Ask Yourself, What Kind of a Person You Would Want to Date?

This is the first question you have to ask yourself when you are considering dating someone. What kind of a person you would like to date? Are you very particular about dating straight cis men? Or would you rather date a FTM transgender guy? It’s also about understanding your own sexual orientation and preferences. Would you be keen on taking things forward with a lesbian?

It is important to ask yourself these questions before you actually begin to date someone through friends or by joining a trans dating site. It’s good to be open to different kinds of people but you got to figure out where to start. It gets easier when you have some sort of an outline of your ideal partner. Otherwise, the process can get vague and baffling.

Some people are very specific about the physical characteristics of their ‘would be’ partners. It’’ like some women are obsessed with the idea of a tall partner while others have specific racial preferences. As a MTF transgender woman, it’s very important to draw out a basic mental sketch of the kind of person you would like to be seen out with.

Do Not Be Too Rigid in Your Criteria

While it’s important to have certain criteria for the kind of person you would like to date, it’s equally important to be open to new possibilities. Do not tick off anyone you are attracted to just because they don’t fit into those criteria. The attraction between two people is the most mysterious phenomenon of the universe. No one exactly knows what propels that attraction. It’s not about similar personalities or interests either. It’s just this instant connection and sparks which you either get with a person or you don’t.

So, while dating a MTF transgender woman has to give ample concession to those mysteries and surprises of nature! If you feel connected with someone, try and go with the flow. Of course, self-respect is one thing you should never compromise. If a person isn’t sensitive about ‘trans’ identity, you shouldn’t entertain them even for a minute.

Try Out Online Dating

If you still haven’t met that special person in your life, the reason could be you were looking in the wrong places. When we try to date people through friends or family or acquaintances, the chances of finding a like-minded partner are quite low. In this kind of dating, we have access to a fairly limited number of potential partners. So, either you compromise on some quality or stay single, it’s that kind of scenario. That is why a MTF trans woman should try out online dating.

Online dating can get you connected with so many interesting people from all across the world. It gives you a greater window of opportunities in terms of the kind of people you can date. And it’s not necessary that you meet each one of them. You just start online chatting with people who interest you and then further narrow it down to a couple of prospective partners. Online dating gives you the flexibility of buying time. If you like someone but are not sure yet about a relationship, there is no pressure to meet them in real life. You could take things at your own pace.

So, joining a transgender dating site is a good starting point. There are many such dating sites for trans people. It’s of course important that you do thorough research before zeroing in on a particular site. Read the reviews on the internet and also ask your friends from the trans community about the best dating sites for trans people. Always check the credentials of a site before getting registered.

Be Your Original Self

There is no point in trying to put up a façade to impress someone. It’s simply not worth it. A person who will fall in love with you would accept you with all your supposed inconsistencies and flaws. So never try to create an airbrushed image of yourself in front of someone.

As a MTF transgender woman, you are proud of your identity. You also have a unique personality and individuality. The way you express your femininity is totally your call. Do not feel compelled to adhere to stereotypical notions of femininity in order to prove yourself a woman. You already are a gorgeous woman. And if someone has to love you, they will do so just the way you are.

Confidence and self-esteem are very attractive traits in a woman. Your date would be drawn to you like a moth is to a flame if you stand your ground and create your own rules.

Be Honest with Your Partner

This is the most important aspect of any relationship. You have to be 100 percent honest with your partner.  They should have complete clarity regarding your gender identity. In fact, you should make it a point to tell your date everything about your ‘trans’ identity in the initial stages itself. As much as it is your right to have a partner who respects your identity, it is also your right to know your true identity.

If you hide such a crucial aspect of your life early on in the relationship, it would definitely create problems and conflict later on. Communicating your concerns to your partner and educating them about your identity would not only make your bond stronger but would also pave the way for greater acceptance of the transgender community within mainstream society. It’s possible that your partner knows little or nothing about the trans community. So, if you communicate with him on those lines, they will not just support you in your personal life but also highlight the cause of the LGBT community at a larger level.

Communicating your identity early on would also save you from a potentially ‘transphobic’ partner. So as soon as you start talking to someone through a transgender dating app and things begin to get serious, tell them clearly about your gender identity. While you certainly don’t want someone to get obsessed with you being a transgender woman and treat you like a fetish, you also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even accept your identity.

Have Realistic Expectations

A MTF transgender woman has seen a lot in life. During transitioning, she has literally been through a roller coaster ride. So, she obviously wants a partner who supports her in every possible way. But she also has to be realistic in her expectations.

If you are dating a cis straight guy who has never dated a trans woman before, you have to give him some time to get used to your identity. This is not to say that you should put up with a rude and insensitive guy. But if there is a cool and sensitive guy who is trying to understand you as a person, be patient with him. Do not expect him to champion the cause of the transgender community during the first couple of dates itself. That would be too much to expect. He is getting to know you as an individual so just go with that flow.

You have to also understand that you it can’t be always about you and your issues. A successful relationship is one that has a fine balance of priorities. Maybe, he has had a bad day at work or perhaps, he is just too tired. In such a scenario, if you start with your problems and woes the moment he drops in, he might not look interested. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he is rude or inconsiderate. He might be having his own issues. So, get involved in his life as well and have realistic expectations from the relationship. A great relationship is one that builds up gradually. So, take it slow, steady and be sensitive to the needs of your partner as well.