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Chances are, you want to not simply survive but thrive as a trans guy, both in private and on online dating sites for transgender folks and allies. While there are many tools you need to have in your metaphorical self-care kit, building confidence is chief among them.

What exactly is confidence?

Before we dive into a list of tips and suggestions on how you can build it, we first need to define what we mean when talking about confidence. Self-confidence often overlaps or is used as a synonym for self-esteem or self-efficacy. While there are similarities, it is interesting to note the differences, too:

 – Self-efficacy:

Refers to your belief about your own abilities regarding specific tasks. Self-efficacy basically is the real-life concept that corresponds with the famous Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

 – Self-confidence:

Meanwhile, reflects your general belief about how likely you are to fulfill a goal. Your past experiences play a huge role in both self-efficacy and self-confidence, but self-confidence refers to a broader view instead of focusing on specific tasks.

 – Self-esteem:

While often used interchangeably with self-confidence, is quite different from it. Self-esteem reflects your belief in your overall worth as a person. Viewing yourself as a “good guy” is a statement of self-esteem, for instance. In that, it is even broader than self-confidence, and improving your confidence will help your esteem, too.

Obviously, the lines between them are blurry, and there is no linear trajectory you can follow. You may have enough confidence to think you’re capable of learning to make bread, yet at the same time lack self-efficacy and you assume your first attempts will be horrible. And whether or not you can bake a killer loaf, you hopefully still think that you deserve love and happiness.

Why is building confidence essential for FTM trans guys?

Insecurities and self-doubt are core components of ill mental health and poor well-being, so finding ways to improve your confidence will definitely help you.

As a trans guy, whether you identify as FTM, genderqueer, nonbinary butch, or else, building self-confidence can be especially tough. Questioning societal standards and stereotypes of what it means to be “manly” and finding your own way takes a lot of energy, perseverance, and yes, confidence.

So how do you build it? Think of it as a muscle: you need to train it to strengthen it.

Here are several useful tips you can choose from and try for yourself. See what works for you and maintain it until it becomes second-nature to you. Your confidence will never falter again. 

Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Even if the mean voices in your head (or on the internet) want to tell you otherwise, everyone has unique skills, both hard and soft, as well as talents in various areas of your life. Likewise, you will have areas in your life you do not excel at.

While many of these will remain the same after your female-to-male transition, some may have changed. As a rule of thumb, make sure that you know what you are good at and what your weaknesses are. Once you understand these areas, you will have a clearer mental image of yourself and what you will need to improve your self-confidence.

Be a Friend to Yourself

Unfortunately, some FTM trans men are their own worst enemy. It is impossible to build your self-confidence if you are the one constantly putting yourself down. If you want confidence and high self-esteem, you need to foster an attitude of love and acceptance.

When a negative thought arises, ask yourself: “Would I say this to about my best friend to their face?” Catching yourself when your inner voice turns self-deprecating is the first step to stop the habit. Once you notice it, actively work against it. If you think, for example, “I didn’t manage all I wanted to do today, I’m such a loser”, and notice it, tell yourself that you are human and some things take more time than anticipated. You tried, and that’s what’s important.

Remember and Celebrate Your Successes

Please steer clear of grievous mistakes like downplaying your success or only focusing on what you are struggling with. Such an attitude will not help you build self-confidence. Focusing on the negative aspects of your life will only drag you further down. However, if you create a habit of celebrating your successes (no matter how small they are), you will soon feel more confident.

These celebrations can take various forms: taking a walk for yourself, giving yourself a break to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee, spending time with a friend to cheer for your achievement, or simply giving yourself the satisfaction of crossing the item off your to-do list for the day.

Remove Things That Bring You Down

Out of sight, out of mind –  this affects reminders of your shortcomings or of negative experiences as well. Be sure to hide or get rid of items that evoke negative thoughts when you see them.

Beyond the shirt you wore to that horrible breakup, these things can be as varied as mean friends, a job you hate, or a habit you have gotten into. Reflect on the impact these have on your life and eliminate them for good.

Smile At Yourself In The Mirror

Looking at your reflection can go a long way in helping you accept yourself. When you do, be sure to smile. If you do this every day, you will feel happier and more secure in yourself over time due to something called “facial feedback theory”. The expression on your face has been shown to help your brain register and intensify the emotions it perceives on your face.

Improve Your Posture

Just like smiling at yourself, sitting up straighter, or striking a “power pose” has been proven to boost confidence in studies. It might feel awkward at first, but remember that stepping outside your comfort zone is a core component of your journey towards more self-confidence.

Do Not Compare Yourself To Others

Every person is unique. Just because this FTM person achieves a very masculine appearance and maybe has better muscle definition than you does not mean you have ‘failed’ at being FTM. You differ in your genetics, your socio-economic backgrounds, and much more – focus on yourself and don’t measure your progress against that of others. Easier said than done, sure, but so essential to keep in mind.

Take Risks

There is no better way of building self-confidence than taking risks. Taking risks shows – mainly to yourself – that you are confident in yourself and your abilities. If you now think you have to do something scary or dangerous to achieve this, think again: Simply getting out of your comfort zone and trying something new counts as a risk in terms of building self-confidence.

In essence, this point is all about living your life to the fullest. Take a moment to reflect on what you would like to try and do. Learn how to skateboard? Sign up for a transgender dating site? Strike up a conversation with a friendly-looking stranger? Sure, you might find that you do not like the outcome of something you do, but you may forever regret not giving yourself the opportunity to try. Your self-confidence will definitely thank you!

Be Persistent

At the end of the day, there is no miracle cure for low self-confidence. There is no pill you take or action steps you follow once and overnight, you are filled to the brim with confidence. It truly takes time and effort to build up. Therefore, you should be persistent, see mistakes your make as learning opportunities to help you avoid repeating them in the future, and never give up. If you lose sight of the journey, don’t beat yourself up. Life happens, we get busy. Simply get back on track and resume your self-confidence practice.

On a final note, if you are struggling with self-confidence and do not know where to start, find a trusted friend with whom you can share your troubles. Having a strong support system will help you be more confident and give you the foundation you need to begin building confidence on your own.

Get ready for the most fun you’ve had in forever! Once you feel confident enough, it’s time to sign up for an ftm dating site. There are many transgender dating apps out there, and platforms that facilitate online dating for trans women, men, and others have increased. You have ample space to search for other trans singles or trans allies who are looking for a serious relationship.

If chatting with potential dates is outside your comfort zone… treat it as practice for your self-confidence boosting journey! You might find the perfect partner without expecting to. 

Dating as a transgender has become relatively easier now. You don’t have to meet someone through friends and acquaintances to get a prospective date. There are so many dating sites and apps for transgender people. At the mere click of a mouse, you can start communicating with potential love interests. And then at some point of time, you can set up a real date with someone you are getting along well with.

When that girl or boy of your dreams finally says yes to a date, it’s easy to be super euphoric and get carried away! While you deserve every bit of that happiness and adrenalin rush, it’s important to keep some things in mind in order to make that first date special. There is no manual really but still, there are certain rules and laws of dating behaviour and etiquette that you should follow.

This article tells you about a few tips that you should follow while dating as a transgender person.

Make Sure Your Date Knows You Are Transgender Woman

This is most important. Make sure your date knows in advance that you are a transgender person. If you are dating through a trans dating site, they would probably know anyways. But a lot of trans people also date through regular dating sites. On these forums, it is sometimes difficult for the other person to figure out your identity unless you tell them categorically. So make it a point to tell them that you are transgender before you even start talking online.

Some trans people think that revealing their identity early on might prejudice someone against dating them. So they keep it a secret, waiting for the right time. But that’s not a fair approach. Your potential partner has every right to know about your identity. This kind of gamble is also not healthy for your dating scenario. The world is full of transphobic people. Even if you get along really well with someone, their behaviour might totally change once they know that you are transgender. It’s also putting your personal safety at risk. You don’t want to be harassed and abused by someone you meet for a date. So before you plan a date with someone, make sure they know that you are transgender.

Only when you are certain that they don’t have any issue with your identity, should you go ahead with seeing them on a date.

Have Positive Vibes

When you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to be pleasant and cheerful. You don’t know how it’s going to be. They don’t know how it will turn out. What matters is the moment. Just enjoy your date, be happy and make it pleasant for them as well.

Meeting someone in real life is totally different from chatting with them through a transsexual dating app. So just be your natural self and go with the flow. There is nothing as irresistible as natural chemistry built over real life meetings. It’s the kind of chemistry that gives you goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach. Maybe, you develop that equation with your date. Maybe, you don’t. There is no way to know in advance. So just relax and be comfortable.

Also, remember to smile! It can really make the other person’s day and put them at ease. Meeting your potential boyfriend or girlfriend with a frown on your face is not exactly the stuff of dreams. So wear that infectious smile and your date will be certainly drawn to your aura.

Communicate With Confidence

Great communication skills are an asset for anyone. The art of having a good conversation becomes especially useful during a date. Think of topics that are mutually interesting and then weave a conversation around those. Do not jump from one topic to another at your whim. Some of us have a habit of getting carried away when we talk, so much so that we completely forget the other person and just go on ranting. Don’t do that on a date!

That’s why it’s important to be a good listener. In fact, listening is a part of great communication skills. Listen with interest whatever your date is saying and then take the conversation from there. This will make the conversation interesting and also help build chemistry between the two of you.

When you are talking to each other, just think you are friends. That would make the whole thing easier. If we are too conscious about the dating thing all the time, it can hamper our ease and confidence. So just relax and have a chat around topics you are passionate about.

Don’t Expect Too Much

Do not expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love story on the first date itself. Just take it easy. The first time you are meeting someone, it’s more like meeting a friend. Only when you get comfortable with someone and can have a decent conversation with them, you can begin to think about other things. So have realistic expectations from your date. Don’t expect them to fall head over heels in love with you. That’s probably not going to happen. If the two of you feel interested enough in each other after the date to meet a second time, that’s probably the best you can achieve.

It is also possible that the date is not going on that well and you’ve realized that. Still, it’s important to just stay cool and be civil. It’s not the end of your life. Enjoy the moment while you are there and then just coolly walk your way. However, there are certain places where you have to draw some boundaries. If your date is rude to you, it’s time to just walk away without a word. Do not get into arguments because that’s just going to create a scene. Just coolly walk off.

Expectations ruin the best of things. So even if your date has ended rather well, do not expect too much. If you will be seeing your potential love interest for a second time, look forward to it. But don’t make it the sole motto of your life. Concentrate on other things and be just cool and calm.

Know the Basics of Dating Etiquette

There are some basics of dating etiquette that you got to follow. These are fairly general and pretty obvious things that we often tend to overlook. When are dating someone in a restaurant or a café, do not go on a complaining spree. There are people to tend to find a fault with something everywhere they go. The food is not good, the service is bad, you don’t like the décor of the restaurants, stay away from all those irrational and irritating complaints.

Complaining incessantly about a restaurant’s staff or service during a date is just going to ruin your date. It will give your partner the impression that you are a grumpy and bad-tempered person. So do not indulge in that kind of drama.

Another important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t be over open and trustworthy during your date. Some people have a habit of getting so worked up that they confess everything about themselves to the other person during the first meeting itself. Do not do that. Be a bit secretive and mysterious. Be candid about your conversation but do not reveal too much about your personal life. Keep the talk centered on topics of general interest. Do not approach subjects too personal or controversial. It’s a good practice to refrain from revealing too much about your past relationships. You shouldn’t ask your date probing questions about their personal life as well.

When you are meeting someone for the first time, never ever start talking about the subject of physical love. That will just freak out your date and they will probably think you’re just desperate to get laid. Keep all that stuff for later on. During the first date, just keep it old-fashioned, classic, and simple.

The dating etiquette code equally applies to the other person. If they ask you too many inappropriate questions about your transgender identity, just tell them politely but firmly that they need to maintain certain boundaries. If you feel vulnerable at any point of time, feel free to just walk away. If at any point during the date, you feel that the other person is not sure about your transgender identity, just tell them categorically again. Even if you have communicated it before, there is no harm in telling again. This is the most crucial aspect of your relationship. Your partner has to be comfortable with your identity.