User blogs

As a transgender man, it’s a beautiful feeling when you ask out the girl of your dreams and she says yes. No wonder you are on cloud nine. But there is a lot more groundwork to be done yet! How you plan out your first date is what matters most. As the adage goes, first impressions are the last impressions. So, you should leave no stone unturned in making your first date unique and special.

If she has a good time during the first date, she would certainly want to go out on a second date with you. It’s as simple as that. But for that magic to happen, you have to invest some time, energy and creativity in planning out the date.

Below are some tips that would help you plan out an awesome first date for the girl who makes you go weak in the knees!

Be Creative in Planning Out the Date

This is most important. You can’t just take her out anywhere. A trans man taking out his crush on a date for the first time needs to invest some thinking into where he can take her. Everyone goes out on dates to fancy and expensive restaurants and cafes. There is nothing new about that. If you want to impress your girl, plan out something that is new, exciting and matches her hobbies.

If she is a dancing queen, get to know what kind of music she likes dancing to and take her someplace they are playing a live band along those lines. If your date is into books and reading, try to search for a café that also has a library or a bookshop attached to it. And take her out for a daytime date to that place. If you know for sure she is the clubbing rockstar, take her out to the best club in town. Or else maybe, she is too much of a nature lover. In that case, take her out to a garden café, a restaurant that has a terrace with a stunning outdoor view or take her out to a quaint, little pub in the mountains where the two of you can take a refreshing walk after the meal.

If you are creative in planning out your first date, she is going to love it. Women appreciate these little surprises. Your date would certainly notice that you put in so much effort in planning out that date and figuring out her likes and preferences. If you ask her out for a second date, she is probably going to say yes!

Be a Good Planner!

This is very important. Now that you have figured out where to take her, the next step is to plan out everything really well. We might have the best of ideas but unless we execute them, it’s no use. As a transgender man, you got to make sure that you’ve got everything figured out well in advance, the venue, how to get there, the amount of time it would take in getting from one place to another if you have 2,3 places on your itinerary.

When you finally go out on a date with that gorgeous woman you met through a transgender dating site, you don’t want to be embarrassing yourself with last-minute glitches. The whole thing should be effortless and smooth. Everything has to be so perfect that she completely forgets about the practical aspects of that date. And those practical things need to be taken care of by you.

Be a Gentleman When it Comes to Expenses

As a trans man, it is important that you bear the expenses of the first date yourself. On subsequent dates, the two of you could split the bills or work out a mutual arrangement, if the need be. But as a gentleman, you shouldn’t let your lady spend any money on the first date.

Even if she insists, just explain to her gently that you asked her out and therefore, you are going to take care of all her expenses. It’s not about money but it is certainly about gentlemanly behaviour and these little courtesies that women appreciate.

Money is not a big deal but if you take care of all her expenses on the first date, it shows that you value the lady.

Be at Your Best Behaviour

Good manners cannot be faked. But when you are with a lady you fancy, you obviously make an effort to be at your best behaviour. As a trans man going out on a first date with someone, you ought to remember that your prospective lady love would be closely observing your behaviour during the date.

Make an effort to pay attention to whatever she is saying. Be courteous and polite. Also, be a bit restrained when it comes to flirtation. While she won’t mind subtle and tasteful flirtation, anything over the top might make her feel you are too desperate or creepy. So, keep it cool and balanced.

Your body language plays an important role in how others perceive you. Be confident and relaxed. Avoid fidgeting too much. Also, look directly into the eyes of the lady when you are speaking. When you have the courage to look into someone’s eyes while you are talking, it shows your intentions are good and honest. On the contrary, if you cannot look directly into a person’s eyes, that gives the impression of a somewhat shady character. Just remember that in trans girl dating, it's these little perceptions that matter. Also, when it’s a date, it’s also romantic to look into the eyes of the woman of your dreams. Maybe, you two get a bit carried away and keep looking into one another’s eyes all evening.

Finally, good behaviour is not just about how you behave with her. It’s also about how you behave with others around you. The way you speak to the staff at your date venue tells a lot about your character. If you are arrogant and impolite with them, she would obviously judge you. So, keep that in mind.

The Good Old Candlelight Dinner Never Goes Out of Fashion!

Women are creatures of romance. They love a fairy-tale setting when it comes to spending time with someone special. There is something eternal and otherworldly about the idea of love so it is a somewhat fantastic, magical setting that can indeed do wonders for your first date.

If you cannot figure out anything else for your first date, take her out for a candlelight dinner! That’s one clichéd idea that always works. Dim lights, beautiful and laid-back music, some champagne, chocolates and flowers, this is the stuff of every girl’s dream. It is the deepest desire of every woman to be treated like a princess. A woman is capable of such dreamlike delicacy and love but first, she wants you to prove that you are worthy of it.

So, take her to a nice restaurant and surprise her with a candlelight dinner. Surprises are always good. Maybe, do not inform her in advance that it will be a candlelight dinner. She would be even more impressed if you pre-order a cake with her name on it or maybe a nice, little quote about how you like her. And then make your princess cut the cake, while the two of you are out on the candlelight dinner date. Your lady would absolutely love this. Also, make it a point to give her some gift when you meet her. It could be flowers, perfume, anything. The cost of the gift doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s the feelings that are important.

Take Special Care of Her Safety

This is most important. You have to take special care of the safety of your woman during and after the date. If you are in a crowded place and some guy is making her, feel uncomfortable, you should be able to stand up for her. While she obviously doesn’t expect you to pick up a fight, she does expect you to tell off that guy politely but firmly.

Women these days are independent and capable of protecting themselves for sure. It is certainly not about patronizing her. But as a trans man, standing up for your woman shows that you care for her. A woman wants to be with someone who can take control of things when they get messy. Imagine being at a restaurant and your woman feeling uncomfortable due to something and you just sitting in a corner, watching quietly. What kind of impression it would create? She would probably never see you for a second date.

Taking care of your date’s safety also involves making sure she gets back home safely. We still live in a patriarchal society, unfortunately so women’s safety is a concern, especially during late night. If she is uncomfortable about the idea of you dropping her home, book her a cab but keep a tab of her journey. Talk to her over the phone till she gets back home safely.

You might impress a woman with flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinner but when she gets to know that you genuinely care about her wellbeing, that’s when her heart starts melting.

Dating as a transgender has become relatively easier now. You don’t have to meet someone through friends and acquaintances to get a prospective date. There are so many dating sites and apps for transgender people. At the mere click of a mouse, you can start communicating with potential love interests. And then at some point of time, you can set up a real date with someone you are getting along well with.

When that girl or boy of your dreams finally says yes to a date, it’s easy to be super euphoric and get carried away! While you deserve every bit of that happiness and adrenalin rush, it’s important to keep some things in mind in order to make that first date special. There is no manual really but still, there are certain rules and laws of dating behaviour and etiquette that you should follow.

This article tells you about a few tips that you should follow while dating as a transgender person.

Make Sure Your Date Knows You Are Transgender Woman

This is most important. Make sure your date knows in advance that you are a transgender person. If you are dating through a trans dating site, they would probably know anyways. But a lot of trans people also date through regular dating sites. On these forums, it is sometimes difficult for the other person to figure out your identity unless you tell them categorically. So make it a point to tell them that you are transgender before you even start talking online.

Some trans people think that revealing their identity early on might prejudice someone against dating them. So they keep it a secret, waiting for the right time. But that’s not a fair approach. Your potential partner has every right to know about your identity. This kind of gamble is also not healthy for your dating scenario. The world is full of transphobic people. Even if you get along really well with someone, their behaviour might totally change once they know that you are transgender. It’s also putting your personal safety at risk. You don’t want to be harassed and abused by someone you meet for a date. So before you plan a date with someone, make sure they know that you are transgender.

Only when you are certain that they don’t have any issue with your identity, should you go ahead with seeing them on a date.

Have Positive Vibes

When you are meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to be pleasant and cheerful. You don’t know how it’s going to be. They don’t know how it will turn out. What matters is the moment. Just enjoy your date, be happy and make it pleasant for them as well.

Meeting someone in real life is totally different from chatting with them through a transsexual dating app. So just be your natural self and go with the flow. There is nothing as irresistible as natural chemistry built over real life meetings. It’s the kind of chemistry that gives you goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach. Maybe, you develop that equation with your date. Maybe, you don’t. There is no way to know in advance. So just relax and be comfortable.

Also, remember to smile! It can really make the other person’s day and put them at ease. Meeting your potential boyfriend or girlfriend with a frown on your face is not exactly the stuff of dreams. So wear that infectious smile and your date will be certainly drawn to your aura.

Communicate With Confidence

Great communication skills are an asset for anyone. The art of having a good conversation becomes especially useful during a date. Think of topics that are mutually interesting and then weave a conversation around those. Do not jump from one topic to another at your whim. Some of us have a habit of getting carried away when we talk, so much so that we completely forget the other person and just go on ranting. Don’t do that on a date!

That’s why it’s important to be a good listener. In fact, listening is a part of great communication skills. Listen with interest whatever your date is saying and then take the conversation from there. This will make the conversation interesting and also help build chemistry between the two of you.

When you are talking to each other, just think you are friends. That would make the whole thing easier. If we are too conscious about the dating thing all the time, it can hamper our ease and confidence. So just relax and have a chat around topics you are passionate about.

Don’t Expect Too Much

Do not expect a Romeo and Juliet kind of love story on the first date itself. Just take it easy. The first time you are meeting someone, it’s more like meeting a friend. Only when you get comfortable with someone and can have a decent conversation with them, you can begin to think about other things. So have realistic expectations from your date. Don’t expect them to fall head over heels in love with you. That’s probably not going to happen. If the two of you feel interested enough in each other after the date to meet a second time, that’s probably the best you can achieve.

It is also possible that the date is not going on that well and you’ve realized that. Still, it’s important to just stay cool and be civil. It’s not the end of your life. Enjoy the moment while you are there and then just coolly walk your way. However, there are certain places where you have to draw some boundaries. If your date is rude to you, it’s time to just walk away without a word. Do not get into arguments because that’s just going to create a scene. Just coolly walk off.

Expectations ruin the best of things. So even if your date has ended rather well, do not expect too much. If you will be seeing your potential love interest for a second time, look forward to it. But don’t make it the sole motto of your life. Concentrate on other things and be just cool and calm.

Know the Basics of Dating Etiquette

There are some basics of dating etiquette that you got to follow. These are fairly general and pretty obvious things that we often tend to overlook. When are dating someone in a restaurant or a café, do not go on a complaining spree. There are people to tend to find a fault with something everywhere they go. The food is not good, the service is bad, you don’t like the décor of the restaurants, stay away from all those irrational and irritating complaints.

Complaining incessantly about a restaurant’s staff or service during a date is just going to ruin your date. It will give your partner the impression that you are a grumpy and bad-tempered person. So do not indulge in that kind of drama.

Another important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t be over open and trustworthy during your date. Some people have a habit of getting so worked up that they confess everything about themselves to the other person during the first meeting itself. Do not do that. Be a bit secretive and mysterious. Be candid about your conversation but do not reveal too much about your personal life. Keep the talk centered on topics of general interest. Do not approach subjects too personal or controversial. It’s a good practice to refrain from revealing too much about your past relationships. You shouldn’t ask your date probing questions about their personal life as well.

When you are meeting someone for the first time, never ever start talking about the subject of physical love. That will just freak out your date and they will probably think you’re just desperate to get laid. Keep all that stuff for later on. During the first date, just keep it old-fashioned, classic, and simple.

The dating etiquette code equally applies to the other person. If they ask you too many inappropriate questions about your transgender identity, just tell them politely but firmly that they need to maintain certain boundaries. If you feel vulnerable at any point of time, feel free to just walk away. If at any point during the date, you feel that the other person is not sure about your transgender identity, just tell them categorically again. Even if you have communicated it before, there is no harm in telling again. This is the most crucial aspect of your relationship. Your partner has to be comfortable with your identity.