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Two-spirit is a gender that is found in only North American who fulfills one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many Native Americans and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups. The mixed gender roles encompassed by the term historically included wearing the clothing and performing the work associated with both men and women. This English term emerged in 1990 out of the third annual inter-tribal Native American/First Nations gay/lesbian American conference in Winnipeg. 

A direct translation of the Ojibwe term, Niizh manidoowag, "two-spirited" or "two-spirit" is usually used to indicate a person whose body has a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit. The term can also be used more abstractly, to designate the presence of two contrasting human spirits or two contrasting animal spirits (which, depending on the culture, might be Eagle and Coyote). Will Roscoe writes that male and female berdaches have been "documented in over 130 tribes, in every region of North America, among every type of native culture."The term berdache was coined by western anthropologists and used until the late 20th century, mainly to describe feminine Native Americans assigned male at birth. 

The term is however inaccurate and can nowadays be considered offensive. Non-natives who use this identity are often accused of "appropriating Native culture." The history of two-spirits among Indigenous American culture dates back thousands, of years and has been documented in more than 130 North American tribes. Throughout history, a person who was recognized as two-spirit was someone who identified with both male and female gender roles, and so two-spirit is essentially a third gender recognized in Indigenous cultures. 

The perspective among Indigenous Americans was that having this third gender was a strength their society benefited from. In the Zuni culture, a person's gender was not assigned at birth but was grown into 3 or 4 years of age. Two-spirits were not thought of as just a man or just a woman but as embodying characteristics of both genders in a single person, making them a more whole human being.

This Two-Spirits encourages the belief that, by avoiding the pressures surrounding an individual, they are capable of establishing their own identity. This identity for native Two-Spirit individuals arises from an acceptance of their native cultural values and a rejection of Western values. This rejection specifically applies to Western conventions regarding race and sexual identity as the Two-Spirit person’s identity is maintained by their sexual orientation as both male and female and their commitment to their culture or ethnicity.

Awareness of multiple genders and sexual orientation has recently taken a limelight in the media, however misconceptions and stereotypes still linger because of this. Before we start to dive into this subject matter, it is important to know simple terms such as gender, intercourse, and sexuality. Gender is what people feel within themselves, according to cultural understandings. Such as girls are soft and compassionate, whilst men are less so. intercourse is a biological term which directly refers to the genitals one was born with. Sexuality is whom one is attracted to sexually and emotionally. This may or may not align with their gender.

Gender fluid is an identity that seems to be regularly mistaken. Gender fluid refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. It is a gender identity which can be described as a mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.  Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation. It is solemnly as what they feel like inside, and gender fluid people never seem to stick with a single gender identity.

Many celebrities consider themselves genderfluid, such as Miley Cyrus, Tilda Swinton, DJ Ruby Rose, and Andrej Peji?. Standards for each gender has been ever evolving, from more intense beliefs, to sneaky yet still beliefs.

One of the main misconceptions for people who are gender fluid is that their gender is nonexistent, however, an individual who is gender fluid experiences a constant shift between the gender spectrums. There are some people who fall under the Trans spectrum that do not feel dysphoric about their gender, but it is well known that most do. Gender Dysphoria is a feeling of your physical body not matching up with how you feel internally that it should be. Many people would describe the feeling of dysphoria in many different ways, though all of the ways that it is described make it clear that it is a negative feeling.

Many people who are gender fluid will date bisexual or pansexual people, those who are attracted to two genders or are attracted to people no matter what gender they are. Some people who are gender fluid will use pronouns other than he/him or she/her. Some will use the gender-neutral they/them, or another term that they choose and use regularly. Along with different pronouns, sometimes they will use gender-neutral terms for themselves while dating. Instead of having their significant other calling them their boyfriend/girlfriend, they will term such as “date mate” or even a term as simple as “partner” or “significant other”.

Many people who are gender fluid will often dress and appear as unisex or androgynous, though in some cases they will decide to mix objects that most would place within gender categories. A good example of that would be someone who decides to wear masculine appearing clothing, with makeup or another part of themselves appearing feminine.

It is recommended that when coming across a genderfluid person, that you politely ask what pronouns they would like to be referred as. Some people who experience fluid gender don't use the word "genderfluid" for themselves. Some people with fluid genders call themselves by a word such as genderqueer, bigender, multigender, polygender, or other words. This can be because the people haven't seen the word "genderfluid," or it can be because they don't think it describes them well. It's important to understand that each person has the right to decide what to call their gender identity and that they're the only one who can do that.

Some genderfluid people find that their environment does not influence their gender identity to change. They find that their gender fluidity is unpredictable and happens randomly. Other genderfluid people find that their gender changes depending on the situation, and is influenced by inside or outside sources. For genderfluid people who think their changes in gender might have to do with their menstrual cycle, they think it might be caused by how the natural hormone levels rise and fall during that cycle. It’s possible that a person might think that they tend to feel male during their periods even if that’s only rarely the case for them because the incongruence of that situation would feel noticeable and memorable.

The biggest thing to keep in mind for both sides of a relationship with someone who is gender fluid, whether that relationship is platonic or romantic, is being honest with each other about who you are and what you are looking for. Being open with a significant other can really be better for both people involved than one might think.

TransSingle present a video of  Laverne Cox, a bright star, and transgender activist

Too bad that for most people, connecting with potential partners via ts dating apps or platforms has its limits. Who doesn’t know the feeling when the exciting chatter with a new match or contact gives way to tedious and monotonous discussions of topics you’ve covered again and again? In case you are new to online dating, be prepared to make such experiences.

While chatting online with people you cannot see, communicating only via text messages and emojis, can become boring very quickly due to the nature of the conversation, another risk you face every time you open your ts dating app is the ‘what’ you talk about. Too many times, a lovely and wonderful meeting in the virtual room of a site has devolved into tedious accounts of the respective person’s day. If there were a  rewards or points program that gave you a penny each time someone asks you, after a gap in communication, “How are you?” or “How was your day?”, we would all be millionaires already. 

Don’t misunderstand, though: Sharing details about your day and your life has its place in online dating. How someone replies to “How was your day?” tells you a lot about what this person values in life.

Yet if they say the same thing for three days in a row, or their replies grow shorter by the minute, then you know you have hit boredom territory. 

Since yes, chances are high that your date or chatting partner also shares this sense of listlessness while engaging with you. If you don’t act now, you might ruin what could have been the start of a great romantic journey for yourself. Therefore, you have to ensure that you keep every online date you have as memorable and fun as possible, both for your sake and your partner’s.

Easier said than done, however. There is a certain degree of creativity needed in order to spice up your conversations, especially if you haven’t seen the hide nor hair of the person you are talking to. And while you might consider yourself quite the open-minded, flexible person who could excel at an improv class if these were still a thing (at least in person), you might eventually run out of ideas as well.

This is why we have gathered a list of tips that can help you turn those monotonous conversations into memorable and delightful moments of the budding romance.

Tips on how to get creative with trans dating online:

– Share meaningful details

When the inevitable question of “How are you?” or “How was your day?” arrives in your inbox, consider one-word replies banned for life. Think about the reasons instead:  Why do you want to say you’re fine? Why was your day just okay, as opposed to great or wonderful? Add these tidbits to your answer. Being honest will motivate your online dating partner to reply in kind.

– Speaking of honesty: be truthful

You signed up for this transgender dating app or this trans dating site to find a real connection and long-term romantic partnership. Leave the posing and flexing for hook-up culture. Admit to driving an ancient car because it is more fiscally responsible. Own your career trajectory, wherever it has led. Share your struggles with your identity (especially on dating sites for transgender women, men, and other folks). Only if you are honest will you find people who share your values and outlook on life, which is the basis for a successful relationship.

– Ask questions

Even if you are nervous or unsure if it is okay with the other person to simply pose questions, this will help get conversations going. Most people love talking about themselves, so seize that to your advantage. Think about what you would most like to know and start with that.

– Think of new topics to talk about

Yes, this might be a no-brainer, but all too often, online chats are centered on just telling each other what you have done for the day. If you go for this strategy every time, both you and your date are going to lose interest soon enough. So off you go! Find new topics that are interesting enough to help you talk with your date at length and with vibrancy. The first and best place to start is, of course, the other person’s profile. Check out their interests and hobbies. If none are listed, put on your detective hat and inspect the photos they uploaded. Look for the context, and ask about it.

– Use outside resources

Once you have exhausted the new topics you thought about, there is nothing wrong with involving outside help. This can come in the form of a fun news article or blog post that caught your eye, or simply a trailer for a new series or the announcement of a new album by a band you or your chatting partner cares about. You will be surprised how such a little gesture can bring you closer together and kick-start a passionate discussion.

– Expand your repertoire

As in, surprise your dates once in a while! Show them something they do not expect to see when you start the chat. It may be a video of you singing their favorite song, or a photo of your pet (or child) delivering a thoughtful or funny message. By sprinkling in surprises into your online dating chats, your potential partners will always look forward to receiving a notification that they have a new message. It might also, in turn, inspire them to reply in kind and think of surprises for you.

– Embrace your inner child

Not necessarily by talking about your childhood interests (although that can be a fascinating topic all on its own), but by being silly together. Yes, even when you are only conversing online you can have fun with antics and banter. You can post photos of yourself wearing crazy headpieces and costumes. You can play games as if you are together. You can compete with each other about who can tell or find the funnier jokes. Do not think that, just because finding love online is a serious topic,  that you need to stay ‘on brand’ with that tone all throughout your online dating experience.

– Go beyond simple chatting

Of course, you will want to limit your online dates to messaging or the occasional voice message at the beginning. Yet once you are comfortable and, most importantly, have established a foundation of trust with the other person, make use of the many opportunities that technology has already developed. Hop on a video call – or plan on for a time that fits both you and your date’s schedules – and allow your match to hear your voice and see your face. This would help you carry on conversations for a long time without becoming easily tired of having to type everything you want to say. Needless to say, this also opens up your dates to new possibilities, like a shared dinner over video chat or a game you both enjoy.

– Flirt!

Seriously, get that charm on and use it to your advantage. Only if that is your talent, though. Awkward moments are inevitable, but you don’t need to ask for them. As an alternative, simply be your nicest self. Respect the other person and show you appreciate them taking the time to engage with you.

As you can see, there are so many ways through which you can improve your experience on ts dating sites. You do not have to limit yourself just because the nature of online dating has you taking through a keyboard without a visual of the other person. Be creative and let your mind rule over your physical boundaries.

But hang on… how do you know what is the right strategy to use? 

A valid question, the answer to which depends on the respective situation. Think about how your date engages with you and determine which vibe you are getting from them. Serious or playful? Cheery or restrained? This can give you an idea of how to start being more creative with online dating. Once you have begun, do not be afraid to experiment. Try out different approaches and see how your potential partner reacts. This will help you practice, give you more insight into the person you are communicating with, and help filter out those who definitely don’t fit your expectations. 

And hey, if you have exhausted all options and are at the end of your list of ideas, it might be time to genuinely take the experience offline! Sure, that’s another thing that is so easily said but poses challenges when it comes to execution. But if you apply the same creativity to this step, you will certainly find a way that fits both your and your date’s lives and personalities.

So you’ve been active on a transgender dating site or ts dating app for a while and finally caught the eye of a trans woman. You chatted, truly enjoyed the back-and-forth, and feel a strong enough connection to take this to the next level.

Yet this is where things tend to get complicated. Online dating is already quite the challenge, but taking any relationship offline can prove daunting, no matter what gender you and your match identify as. The questions remain the same: When is the best time to suggest a real-life date, even at a safe distance if necessary? How can you be certain your potential partner feels the same? If you gathered the courage, how do you phrase your question?

Let’s assume that somehow, you did it. And congratulations, they said yes!

Now the real adventure starts. When you’re dating a transgender woman, you will face more – or rather, different – challenges on your romantic journey.

Your presence on trans dating sites indicates that you already know a bit about trans issues and the reality of transgender lives. However, if you are genuine in your interest when it comes to exploring dating a transgender woman, you will need to do your homework, as they say.

This homework includes research on several aspects of transgender life, including the harder parts and topics you, as a cis person (that is, a person who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth), might not have on your radar yet. The lack of true and practical information, which may be difficult to come by online if you aren’t entrenched in the community, further complicates your progress.

Fortunately, you have found this guide and thus a great starting point! If you have been wondering what it would be like to date a trans woman or if you have started dating one and need a roadmap to help you navigate the dynamics, the following information will be very useful.

Research and Reflect

Before you begin your search for a trans woman on any transgender dating site or ts dating app, you should take a bit of time to research and understand the various aspects of the transgender community.

Topics we recommend you explore if only on the surface, include but are not limited to: 

– What does trans/transgender mean? How does it relate to the concepts of intersex or the term transvestite?

– What is the difference between sex and gender?

– What are common gender stereotypes and how does the trans community work to dismantle them? What are gender nonconforming practices?

– What legal and medical ramifications are involved in being trans? What role do hormones play? What surgery options are available, and how difficult is it to access them? Who opts for surgery and why, who decides against it?

You do not need to spend too long doing this research before you will have successfully dispelled several myths about transgender lives.

Having at least a basic understanding of these concepts and questions will lessen the burden your future partner or date will have to carry. Just like it is not on people of color to educate their white friends on the realities of racism and ‘Life While BIPOC’, do not expect trans people to enlighten you. Some might be willing to, but the onus is on you to learn.

While doing this research, you might want to reflect on your own experiences. How do you experience your gender? What shaped it? What stereotypes do you maybe harbor? How does this affect the way you approach dating?

Dating a trans woman may not fit your preconceived ideas of dating a cis woman. We assure you, however, that it will be worth the effort you invest in opening yourself up for new experiences.

Avoid Transgender Talk During Your Dates

While you might be curious about your date’s history or details about their life as a trans woman, never make the mistake of delving too deep into the subject of transgender. Just as curiosity killed the cat, it could also kill any relationship potential that was budding between you and a trans woman. It is possible that the subject might pop up later, but in the beginning, it is better to err on the side of caution and steer away from potentially awkward subjects. Remember that, for most people, their gender is an intimate subject, and talking about it with anyone requires trust and feeling secure in the situation.

Even if she initiates the subject at some point, we recommend proceeding carefully. Be careful of boundaries and intrusive questions. However, when she expresses willingness to talk about transgender topics and her own journey, listen keenly and without judgment. Show that you appreciate the trust she places in you and proves yourself worthy of this trust.

First Impression Matters

How you meet the trans woman on your first date may make or break any chances you have of a long-term romantic relationship. Since yes, first impressions matter. Beyond the way you communicate, this also holds true for attire and clothes.

While not every female-presenting person in the trans community values fashion and spends ample time on styling themselves, putting an effort into one’s appearance is a form of self-care. If we feel comfortable in our skin, we will looser and more relaxed when meeting a potential partner for the first time.

You should complement this by putting effort into your dress and maintenance. You do not need to dress up to the nines – but make choosing an outfit an active and conscious choice. Select something that reflects you and your character, don’t ‘dress up’ or pretend you are something you’re not. Natural charm goes a long way and shows your date that you are genuine in your interest.

Be a Gentleperson

Some transgender women enjoy presenting even more feminine than their cisgender counterparts. Other trans women may act more genderneutral or be actively nonconforming and/or fluid. Regardless of how they present, be a gentlemanly date. Not in a condescending way, but from a place of deep respect.

Whether you are a cis man or a cis woman and about to date a transgender lady, you can be courteous. Chivalry, in the sense of pulling out chairs or opening doors, might have a very positive effect on your date. However, only do this if it fits your personality and style. As with clothing, there is no need to pretend you are something you aren’t. Engage your date in meaningful conversation, truly listen when she talks, and smile so that she sees you enjoy her company.

Be Prepared to Talk Politics

For many people in the transgender community, politics is an important subject. The government decides who can transition from one gender to another, whether or not there are gender options outside the binary of male and female, how easy access to hormones or surgery is, and how protected we are in our everyday lives.

While ‘Keep away from politics’ may be sound dating advice for some, when it comes to being active on a ts dating site, you should be prepared to engage in political debates.

This advice ties in well with the research homework you have been given already. Unless they know someone personally, most cis people are unaware of the legal aspects and challenges of being transgender. If you educate yourself, you will certainly impress your date by showing interest and communicating that you are genuine in your pursuit of dating a transgender woman.

When It Comes To Sex

… be patient. Taking one’s time is a good idea regardless of gender identity, since building a long-lasting relationship depends on so much more than sex.

For some transgender women, sex can also be a difficult topic. Not every trans woman had top and bottom surgeries, so do not assume you know what your date’s body looks like underneath her clothes. Once you have built a foundation of trust and you both feel comfortable in each other’s presence, you may certainly ask your date about their sex life. Share your own experiences, if you think it might help. Showing your partner that you are open to talking about intimacy will go a long way in making her feel respected and safe.

Communication is key here – never assume anything. Many trans dating sites offer the option to specify operation status and more, yet this does not mean every person experiences this the same. The wonderful thing about human sexuality is how varied and colorful it is. Explore with curiosity and an open mind. Don’t set yourself any expectations to meet, or signal your transgender partner that there is a certain way they have to perform in order to earn your affection. 

After all, you are dating a transgender woman from a place of love, on a quest for belonging and connection. Neither one of you is in this for a quick hookup - there are other ts dating apps for that.

While there are certainly more tips that will help you navigate the trans dating experience, this hopefully proves a useful guide and starting point. Now off you go, be brave, and make a move!