Trans Man – Accepting and Loving Oneself from Serenity's blog

The first step to making anybody else admire you is to love and value yourself. It’s as simple as that. But still, we look for recognition at all wrong places, changing ourselves beyond recognition; even torturing ourselves just to get the approval of other people. But it’s like a vicious circle. We don’t get anywhere. We get trapped in multiple images we have created of ourselves for the world to see. But none of these images match the real us. We have forgotten to love own self in the process.

It’s important for a trans man to break through those barriers of negativity that he has built all around himself. He has to stop seeing himself from the lens of so-called society. A transgender guy has to embark on a very personal inner journey, one that makes him connect with himself, one that makes him see his self in all its glories and follies and then loves it to the core.

Everybody gets enamored by narcissistic people. Why is that so? It is because we see in them a part of ourselves that we are almost scared to embrace. A bit of narcissism is good for all of us. As a trans guy, it also makes life somewhat less challenging for you. You deal with the practical problems of your life in a matter-of-fact way but you don’t let those build a wall of negativity around you. In other words, you stop seeing yourself in the light of others.

When you came out as a trans guy, not everyone supported you in that decision.  Maybe, even your family abandoned you. These are some harsh realities of life you have to learn to live with. And you don’t have the courage to accept these realities until you learn to be compassionate with yourself. When your world is centered around your own being, your heart also expands. You forgive others willingly and just concentrate on the pursuit of your goals, ambitions, and happiness.

This article tells you about some ways in which you can love yourself.

Pamper Yourself

The first step to loving yourself is taking pride in your physical appearance and being. Pamper yourself. Take time out to relax. Go for solo holidays. Shop generously whenever you get time. If you have a particular hobby, make some time for it. Treat yourself like a prince. Exercise regularly and eat super healthy. It is a psychological fact that when we look in the mirror and see good results in terms of fitness, skin glow, etc, our entire being radiates with positivity and happiness. And we spread this aura all around.

Make a list of your best qualities

Now, you don’t have to literally make a list. But just think of your best qualities and tell yourself about them. Everyone has certain attributes. Some people are very kind and compassionate. Others have a great sense of humor. Some have a lot of patience. Others have the ability to think spontaneously in any given situation and make quick decisions. What are your special qualities? Think about these and then remind yourself every day about your best attributes.

This might sound very strange but it will fill your life with motivation and confidence. As a trans man, you spend too much time thinking about your identity and how the world doesn’t accept it and all that. In the process, you fail to appreciate yourself as an individual. Reminding oneself of their best qualities every day helps break the cycle of negativity. You will learn to see yourself in a new light. As a trans guy, your attention will be diverted away from the problems of your life to the unique aura and power of your own personality.

Never Hold a Grudge Against Yourself

We all have a tendency to blame ourselves for something or the other. If some decision in the past went wrong, we remember it all the time and spend our present in regret. As a trans man, you have to break free of these shackles of negativity. You are only human at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect. Even heads of state make the biggest of blunders. The only way to fix a past mistake is to learn a lesson and move on. Holding a grudge against yourself is just going to get you miserable.

Look at Everything in a Positive Light

Now, this one is tricky. How do you look at horrible and negative experiences in a positive light? It’s not easy but very much possible. Suppose you dated someone through a transgender dating site. You guys met and everything and when you thought it was going really well, the whole thing just collapsed. This has made you so sensitive and edgy that you are off the idea of dating. But if you choose to look at that experience positively, your whole life will change. You got saved the burden of a terrible relationship. Think of it that way. Had you been with that person for long, maybe it could have been worse. So you just saved yourself and your energy.

Life is like a roller coaster ride. But even from the worst of experiences, we learn something valuable. And these bad experiences make all the good things that follow totally worthwhile. Once you learn to see everything in a positive light, you would stop being bitter and harsh on yourself.

Never Let a Relationship Decide Your Self-Worth

This is very common with people in love. Their mood and emotions get totally dependent on the relationship. Not just that, their self–worth too is determined by their partner’s perception of them. If your partner is positive and encouraging, you are lucky. But if you get to be with someone who constantly finds faults in you and makes you conscious about everything, it’s not good. Such a person will pretend to love you, maybe they do love you in their own way but this kind of love will be toxic for your identity as an individual. To learn where to draw the line. A relationship should never determine your self-worth and self-esteem.

If you are with someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, they cannot be the right person for you. So have the courage to make yourself a priority and just walk out. Love and dating are all worth it but not at the expense of your own self. Chat with like-minded people through a trans dating site. Get to know them. But don’t get obsessed with the idea of dating and relationships. It is definitely a very important part of your life. But don’t let your whole life revolve around it. And don’t let it affect your self-worth.

If a girl you thought very hot and good-looking turned you down, it’s not the end of the world. Just get over it. She probably didn’t deserve you. If you keep on obsessing with the hotness of women and think of yourself as inferior all the time, it will affect your self-image badly. But if you just think of yourself as awesome, then you’ll just forget about that girl and laugh it off. As a trans man, make yourself the center of your universe.

Build a Strong Connection With Your Inner Self

It is important to recognize your inner self and have a dialogue with it on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean a literal dialogue but you got to forge a connection with your inner self. Take some time out of your busy schedule during which you do absolutely nothing. When we are constantly doing something or the other, our head is constantly buzzing with ideas. This state of frenzied activity leaves us excited and overwhelmed. In order to recognize one’s inner self, it’s important to cease all this activity for a while and revel in nothingness. This is the time set for you to draw deeper into the recesses of your inner self. You will draw deeper into your intuitive energies and understand yourself better.

It is not a conscious activity you can undertake. This happens subconsciously if you just let yourself be. Set a time every day during which you distance yourself from all the drama and just be still. In the stillness of these moments, you will discover your inner self. Meditation is also a great way to stay connected with your inner self.

Once you make a strong connection with the inner being, the external disturbances and perception of people around you will cease to matter. As a trans man, your being will radiate with positive energy. Every day will be full of opportunities and beautiful things to come. Negativity will be offshore. It would be a blissful state of being.