Dreams and Nightmares - Becoming Rain part 3 from RainingFire's blog

Hello everyone, My name is Rain Nicole and welcome to my blog. Where I talk a little bit about myself, who I am, who I was, what I have gone through in my short 21 years. So pull up a seat, eat some popcorn and drink a soda as you read my story. Enjoy.

So today I want to talk about what happens when I close my eyes and my brain shuts down for the evening. And that's:

Nothing.

Or so I say nothing. I rarely ever remember my dreams any more.. But there is two that have stuck with me for awhile. Two that were so real that I felt them well into the day after I had them. Let me try to explain what I mean.

Before I discovered I was trans I had this beautiful dream. In this dream, I was a woman, and I had met someone special. We went on several dates and made love, went through rough patches but everything was perfect. One day, this special someone proposed. How could I not say yes? I loved them with everything I had. Our wedding was beautiful, our Honeymoon to the Caribbean even more so. We got ourselves a decent place and we were living comfortably. We had a few kids and grew old with one another. And then, one day, I had gotten very sick.. And as I flat lined in the hospital bed, I finally woke up. And the realization hit. It wasn't real. None of it was real. So why am I hugging my aching heart and crying? Begging to go back to this life that was so perfect!? Go back to a life that.. Wasn't real? That dream affected me for the entire day. I was heart broken.. But if it taught me anything.. It taught me to never take a moment for granted, because they are so fleeting. And one day, we all have to wake up.

This other dream I had.. Came shortly after I discovered I could be trans. It came right in the middle of that war where you are trying to find any detail to tell yourself that you are normal and not.. Trans. (No hate my fellow trans loves, it was just a rough time for me) 

WARNING! The following might be a little much for the easily disgusted or disturbed. Read at your own risk

In this dream I had a flawless transition. I was still relatively short, but my hair had grown out, my skin softened, bust enlarged and make up was spot on! I was, by my standards at least, beautiful. And as I flaunted my beauty back to my car after ding some shopping, A man attacked me. He slit my throat and stabbed me a good 12 times before I woke up. As I did, I grasped my neck, trying to breathe. I couldn't. I tried as hard as I could to stop the bleeding, to stop the pain. It wasn't until 30 seconds later when I figured out it was just a dream. Like the one mentioned before, it was all so real.. And it scared me to death. But this one taught me that, no matter what I decide to do in life, there are going to be those that don't agree with me, and some will go to great lengths to make their disgust known. That being said, If I am going to live and die for something, Live and die being true to myself. 

I haven't had a super memorable dream since then. Been like a year and a half. I never had dreams feel so real. And they were beautiful, scary and heart breaking, both with their own lessons. Thanks for reading, have any questions or anything about me you'd like me to put into a blog? let me know! Later all!